⚡BEHOLD! 10 New Original Chuck Norris Steemit Facts Back On The Attack - Comedy Open Mic Week 33 - Entry 1 ⚡
Resource credit goes to @acolucky for the nomination. Chuck Norris approved. Here we are.
I've written several Chuck Norris Steemit Facts posts like this. You may think that they get increasingly easier, but let me tell you, that's absolutely not the case. Think Steemit hard forks, but without the drama, patches or rewards.
Now that we're warmed up...
Let's get to to the facts!
- While watching @coruscate shockingly say a curse word about dlive leaving, the shockwaves from Chuck Norris' jaw dropping created an earthquake underneath dlive's former headquarters.
After @littlescribe got her husband to dress up like Chuck Norris for their first Comic-Con trip together, he wasn't allowed to remove the costume, their sex life went off the charts, and her only contact with the outside world was room service.
While @idikuci was doing his usual browsing of topless Chuck Norris pics, one of them miraculously winked back, and our beloved comedian has been battling premature ejaculation ever since.
- Chuck Norris has a coin akin to Jaqen H'ghar's gift to Arya on Game Of Thrones, which he gives exclusively to Steemians who exemplify his core values. After speaking the words "Valor Nomorbidbots", this coin is redeemable for a free first class trip to SteemFest with no questions asked.
- @aggroed & @yabapmatt secretly created Chuck Norris gold foil legendary SteemMonster cards for themselves, but the ensuing battle destined for stalemate was the true cause of the resource credit drain during Steemit's HF20.
- Steemit artist @acolucky became an instant millionaire after getting stoned and leaving his bread in the toaster too long. By an act of Chuck Norris, the toast burned with an impression of Chuck yielding a pair of sub machine guns, which he sold at private auction for 10,000,000 SBD.
Touched after reading some of @diebitch's frustrated dating blogs, Chuck Norris offered to go on a blind date with her, meaning that if she dare look at another man while with him, she'd go blind.
Chuck Norris recently gave @nonameslefttouse his name to use on Steemit for a day. The power was so overwhelming, he passed out after writing 10 trending posts in the first minute.
I recently wrote about some concerns re: Steem and @ned replied with information about upcoming developments. Just as the gravity of this was setting in, Chuck sent me a text with a knife emoji saying "you're welcome". (half-true story)
Chuck Norris surprisingly received 100% upvotes from @trafalgar, @traf and @darksaint for his Steemit birthday, but gave his word not to tell anyone knowing that it was a great step in the right direction.
Annnd, I'm spent...
Which was your favorite?
Make Chuck proud by firing back with some of your own. He's watching... he's waiting.
Nominating @littlescribe & @coruscate.
Resteems rewarded with a blessing from Chuck Norris capable of purifying any and all souls.
Thank you,
@steemmatt
Hi steemmatt,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
I chipped a tooth eating that toast.
And your tooth is now in the shape of Chuck Norris. Life has never been better.
I forgot that it was a post for Chuck Norris and Steemit so I wrote a personal Chuck Norris comment instead. I smelled the flurry a split second before it landed in my face.
It smelled like HF21, Brut by Faberge, and tear gas.
Hahaha, your last line was solid (ironically).
My favorites were:
Thank you. 10-20% of my making these posts are to bring you happiness, even if your husband in Chuck costume has you covered for now.
that was the day that Chuck Norris showed up and kicked the Buddha in the face with a sweeping drop kick and @dj123 wrote his first post.
I bet that if and when he finally posts something, we're all going to be massively disappointed, and feel like it was better fantasizing about.
It is still unknown how many sp chuck Norris has but rumour has it that if you stand in front of the mirror and say "Chuck Norris coin" five times, 2k sp delegation will appear in your wallet
Correction. It took 500 times.
well I won't at another man if I'm on a date with Chuck Norris
See? You have found your ultimate, true love. Once and for all. You will never want another man, as long as you live. No need to worry about looking at them. You will be so overcome with infatuation and blinded by love for Chuck, you will not be able to remember a life without him in it.
Chuck Norris called from Japan to tell me about this post. All of my windows broke. I had no idea someone could yell so loudly.
Hah. That was just his inside voice.
I tweaked your tribute slightly to be more accurate. Thanks for your support.
😂😂😂😂
I got a message from Chuck Norris to come and upvote this post. I dare not disappoint.
The curation on upvoting a Chuck Norris post is near infinite. You're going to need a bigger piggy bank to hold all of the rewards which will pay your rent for a year. Now you can save up to buy the place!