DAD-Chronicals - Let children win - the right way?

bembelmaniac (65)in #dad-chronicals • 6 years ago

Let children win - the right way?

Life is hard. Our children will experience this sooner or later and it is useless to want to protect them from it. Rather, it depends on the right preparation, that all parents know. But what exactly does it look like? Do we need to prepare our offspring as early as possible for the pitfalls of life, or should they be isolated from it for as long as possible? And do we let our children win better while playing or is defeat in the game an important experience that makes children stronger?

Getting kids to play is far from easy as you might think. The psychologist Annette Kast-Zahn basically brings the problem to the point when she says that it is no problem to let the child win at times. However, you should pay attention to a few points - and consider.

To be won wants to be learned!

Not only me is thinking that it is okay to let the child win every now and then. However, you should do it skillfully. A child quickly realizes that something is lazy if it always wins. The laudable joy of success is so clouded, the opposite effect of what you actually wanted. The same applies to the rules of the game. If you adjust and change them repeatedly so that your child can win while playing, the child sooner or later will feel cheated to a certain extent. Winning means, after all, being special, being better than the other players. The self-esteem is only really strengthened if the child does not recognize the success as a "fake".

Losing also wants to be learned!

For everything in life, one can exaggerate everything. If you always let your child win - and make it so that the offspring does not notice the trick - that's good for self-esteem, so generally worthy of support. Nevertheless, defeat is also part of life; a child must learn to handle it. When it comes to games that have a competitive nature, your child must be able to experience the feeling of defeat without being thrown off the proverbial track. Children who, when playing "Humans Do not Worry", rage the figures off the table, if they do not win, are in dire need of the experience of losing to life. And that it is not the end of the world.

Elegant alternatives

Especially when children are small, they often have no chance to win objectively. This can lead to extreme frustration in case of doubt. But children should definitely play, even games that are about competition. There is certainly a way to give the kids a fair chance, as long as you explain it to them:

For example, discuss with your child that in a board game you can start some fields in front of you.
Make it clear that this measure is only fair, because you have played the game much more often than your child.
Crucial is the traceability of the rule change and the fact that you change the rules together. If the child no longer gets the lead, it knows it has gotten better, even if it does not win.
There are also games in which children have no disadvantages (simple dice games) or often even better than adults. Have you ever played Memory against a child? Here are a few suggestions for games that are suitable for small children.

Who loses the best, wins!

What sounds odd at first glance may well make sense. You can, for example, in addition to a game another, more or less as an additional game module to invent. It's about who can lose the best. The aim and purpose of the game module is to deal with a defeat sovereign. So anyone who does not complain, cry or complain after a defeat has won. So defeat is still a success and your child learns by the way that it is not bad to lose. It does not need to be further mentioned and emphasized that in the "better-lose" you like to let your child win. Show yourself ungracious, if you lose the game, so the offspring looks like a bad loser looks like. Your child will probably even enjoy it a lot.

There does not always have to be a winner

Fortunately, games that are about to make a winner are only part of what the world of games is. Therefore you can - and this is recommended! - also dodge games that are not about having winners and losers in the end. Jigsaw puzzles belong to this category, they train patience and dedication. But also the common treasure hunt can be exciting and exciting or to build something together after having planned it together before.

Play against the game

Another alternative to games is to play with your child. For example, it can be about playing together and winning against the "bad luck". Or just to lose together. Coming together with a defeat is easier than having to deal with it alone, we know that well from other areas of life. In addition, your child sees how you deal with the defeat and can be based on your behavior. It is not bad to lose. It is rather bad to make children feel they are invincible. Because they are not. Of course, we would often secretly wish that secretly.