Joy to the Wool - A short story Chapter 1: Part One

Ed joined the Army to get away from his father. He didn’t want to join the Mormon church, sell real estate. Then marry a “trophy wife” from the Mormon church. Also running for local office. In pissing off residents of Mid Valley with insane notions. Those accomplishments were his father, Jeff Grun. Ed suppose to follow the father accomplishments. Jeff accomplishments were different in reality. Not the ones he envisioned for his son. Jeff married a non-Mormon woman in the beginning. The only Mormon women in town are either married to other Mormon men or out of town. Joyce is a beer drinking, German swearing, Lutheran girl. Jeff had to pick her as a backup till a real single Mormon woman showed up. When Ed was born Jeff tried to get Joyce and him to join the Mormon church. Joyce wanted to have a family, but not a new religion. When Ed turned fifteen Jeff divorced Joyce to marry a twenty-year-old Mormon woman. To everyone surprise, Jeff parents hooked the two up. Ed hated the idea of being a backup child for a man and his church. Step- mother Connie push him towards goals of every good Mormon man. This was before the half-siblings showed up. Ed couldn’t handle being a puppet for his father. Those goals were the reason behind Jeff abandonment of his first wife. Which is why after graduation Ed joined the Army.

Events moved fast for Ed; boot camp, training and next to a deployment to Afghanistan. Army thought he wasn’t doing enough action in Afghanistan, so they sent Ed to Iraq. Between Afghanistan and Iraq Ed maternal grandmother died. His name mentioned in the grandmother will; a huge set of knitting needles. Ed remembered seeing his grandmother knitting. She'd juggled a bottle of Pabst beer at the same setting as knitting. It distorts the image of a knitter. Not always the little old lady sitting in a rocking chair. She learned from her father. He knitted socks for World War One soldiers while smoking a fat Dutch Master at age ten. Ed took the leap at knitting by learning through written content and videos on the Internet. He knitted using acrylic yarn from a big box store in town. Ed made the simplest of simple projects; hats, scarves and one-sided stitch blankets. Two years after Iraq and one year in knitting Ed returned back Afghanistan. During the calm moments of his stay, Ed discovered more about yarn than acrylic. Wool spun by local shepherd wives. Ed project list expanded to socks thanks to local alpaca skeins. He even taught his fellow soldiers to knit. This time they’re not juggling beer between knits, but a rifle.

After six months in the “sandbox,” Ed came home. When he called his mom Joyce, she had a surprise for Ed.

“Your father ran for city council. Kyle Kite convinced him to run so they can rule the city like a dynasty.”

It’s not the surprise Ed was assuming. He thought Joyce was going to marry a male friend and be happy. In reality, Jeff ran and won a seat on the city council. While gone for six months Jeff used Ed name as a promotional tool to get another job in politics. Worse, Kyle Kite is Mid Valley new mayor. Ed hasn’t heard much from Kyle and wife Connie since joining the Army. The Kites use to attend the same church as Joyce and Ed. They weren’t Lutheran. Ultra-conservative family, similar ultra-conservative views as a former elderly pastor of the church. Their values were fine by church members. People listened to what the Kites say but never followed them like an apostle. Then a terrorist attack happened; the Kites values morphed into monsters. Kyle words turned ugly when talking about the simplest of things. He started with anti-Islam rhetoric, then homophobic comments. It’s odd, the gays had nothing to do with the terrorist attack. Even normal conservatives church members didn’t understand Kyle spontaneous exclaimed. Right in the middle of adult Sunday School, none the less. He declared a refusal of blood transfusion from a homosexual and leader of a terrorist group. The Kites finally got themselves kicked out of the church. The new pastor and elders grew tired of Kyle, Connie ultra-conservative banter. They moved on from the Lutheran church by moving into a Mormon church. Funny, the Kites have made crude remarks about the Mormons.

By some force of nature, Kyle became friends with Jeff. They shared a hatred for the Lutheran church and the alcohol they serve. Funny, that’s how the Kites got kick out of the Lutheran church. An explanation of the ritual of communion is like explaining how to spin a skein of wool. They lacked an understanding of the concept. Yet, they twist facts and denied their kids irresponsibility with alcohol. While Ed was in Afghanistan for the second time Kyle ran for mayor of Mid Valley. There were other conservative council members of Mid Valley. Kyle wanted a full house of conservatives to run Mid Valley. He convinced Jeff to “do his American duty” to run for city council. When Ed got back Jeff was sworn in. No one is happy in Mid Valley, not even Ed. He left the Army on good terms. Afghanistan trip part two was too difficult for Ed. The estranged father with a political career didn’t help the situation. He got a PTSD as a severance package. Ed thought the only way to ease the pain was to go nowhere, do nothing; not even knit. Jeff didn’t recognize the PTSD. He pushed Ed into going to a city official shindig “in his honor” at the local Mormon church fellowship hall.

The whole ordeal, a total staged show. People waving flags choreographed to the beat of a classical march. Fake, wannabe opera singers belt out patriotic hymns. Ed pushed by Jeff and step-mom to shake hands with every important person in Mid Valley. Jeff trophy wife Connie acted like the Jackie O of Mid Valley. A blond with too many trips to “hairspray city”. The only city official wife younger than the other wives. She married a forty old Jeff at the tender age of twenty.

They went far to invite people from the county, only to show off. Ed didn’t enjoy the affair. He didn’t want to disappoint the children by saying their “thank for your service” is fake; pushed by the parents. The handshakes with city officials didn’t have an impact either. They’d laugh and crack a joke about how many Muslims he killed. In reality, Ed envisioned dead citizens and soldiers killed for no clear reason. Some shot by a sniper, some misstep on or drove through an IED. Their ghost walk passed the “yippee skippy” people. The Kites showed up to act like their judgment of Ed, his mother and their church was nothing. Kyle with his slender body and dorky appearance of thick black glasses and short black hair. His wife Connie is similar, only she wears a long skirt dress. Connie's hair is a short blond bob with a lack of a volume and makeup. Ed couldn’t handle the haunts, rushed himself out of the fellowship hall. Didn’t bother coming back. If he made another appearance it’s only going make things worse. Joyce knew Ed would call for a picked up. He sat on the church steps waiting for Joyce. Once at the house, all Ed wanted to do is sit in the dark and watch TV. Most of the shows he viewed were cartoons and the news.

Joyce spotted Ed low point. Annoyed of Jeff calling the house, along with naming Ed a “sissy” for bailing on the party. All because Ed sat in the dark a lot; doesn’t mean he’s a “sissy”. Joyce was concern Ed would skip down the dark road of despair. Their pastor gave the OK for Ed to see a physiotherapist. The pastor also provided private meetings after church. Joyce also reintroduced Nana knitting needles. Ed forgot about an incomplete project he started towards the end of being in Afghanistan. Half size blanket with a cable on the left side and all knit on both sides on the right. Joyce knew the brand of yarn, along with the same dye lot. She’s the one that bought the yarn from the big box store, shipped it straight to Afghanistan. Joyce placed the incomplete blanket and a couple of skeins of yarn on Ed lap. He was lounging on the couch watching TV with the lights off. At first, Ed felt the yarn knitted. He with delay realized the incomplete knit he worked on in Afghanistan part two. Pick up the needles, and knit every stitch, cable every cable that’s required. He even turned on the lights; cause you can’t see knit stitches in the dark. Ed finished the blanket within three days. “What’s next”, he pondered after finishing the blanket. There’s spare yarn, other sizes of needles. Ed took those materials and knitted a hat.

Ed knit other things after the blanket and hat. He also knitted in other places along the way. Knit during therapy, church, the local Starbucks. Joyce seem amazed how much Ed improved with a little help from Nana needles. She stated on social media the knitting was Ed’s “comfort dog”. Jeff called “bullshit” on Joyce for that comment. Only his colleagues at the city applauded his disapproval. Ed didn’t care, being more focus on knitting. The rest of Joyce friends and people at church didn’t mind Ed constant knitting in public. Somehow, Ed grew tired of acrylic yarn. He started to remember the positive side of Afghanistan part two. Ed company became friends with a local shepherd wife. They taught her English, along with smoking, drinking, and swearing. She taught them the different types of wool to knit. Not only the wool from the sheep they raised, but the wool from alpaca raised by other shepherds. She used natural dyes on the wool before spinning. Everyone agreed, those yarns were softer and better than acrylic. The big box stores in Mid Valley and surrounding areas don’t have finer wools. A rough, itchy acrylic yarns that would make terrible wears for sweaters. Ed had an idea; an idea his father would hate.

Ed was going to open a yarn shop in Mid Valley. A yarn shop with the finest wool any knitter would want to knit.

Joyce gave Ed a large sum of money from her spousal support settlement with Jeff. With the knowledge, Ed would never inherit money from his father. Rather than going to the bank for a loan to rent a shop in the city, Ed went to a real estate auction. Something Jeff would never do. Bought an old record store on the outskirts of Mid Valley. It was once a popular store in the fifties, till the invention of the mp3s. The inside of the store housed a collection of dust and mold. Those were the many things Ed got rid of. He re-painted the walls, display bins and anything that looked faded. The windows were scrub for crystal clear viewing. He ordered a bulk amount of various wools. Up for sale is a mix of yarns; straight wool, a wool blend of cotton, silk, and polyester. Why masturbate, when you can pet a skein of alpaca. It was hard to put down the alpaca when Ed got the shipment. He did finally put the alpaca in the display bin after petting for a long moment. After a month of remodeling, Ed opened the yarn shop.

“Ed Threads” was not the first choice of name for the shop.

Ed was going to call the shop “The Mid Valley Yarn Shop”. That suggestion got a collective boo from Joyce and friends. So, “Ed Threads” made the cut. The grand opening was low key; Joyce, her friends, Ed friends and the local paper showed up. Jeff was a “no show” for the opening. He left a text message that read, “Don’t keep your hopes up. I doubt they know what they want”. Boy, Jeff was wrong. The customers Ed knew at the opening had knowledge of what they were buying. They bought the wool blend, straight wool, and fancy compatible knitting needles. The customers not only buy yarn, they stayed at the shop to knit. There’s a set of handmade large table and eight chairs. A fellow Army vet from Ed time in Iraq is a master of German carpentry. He relied on little to zero nails in assembling the table and chairs. The customers sat on the handmade chairs knitting any pattern they found. Every afternoon they come to the shop and knit. It wasn’t the people who knew Ed, but a crop of mid-western hipsters. Ed dubbed the new group; Modern Knitters.

The Modern Knitters learned to knit like Ed; educational content from the Internet. They are hipsters, and hipsters find something trendy in their knitting. Cable hats with a slouch at the crown. The shawls are a sight to behold with multiples of paths of lace. Some shawls have an odd dimension than the others. They made use of bold color, along with natural for more simple of knits. It forced Ed to order more stock of bold color yarn. In the end, those skeins sell out once re-stocked. Ed learned more and new styles of knitting from the Modern Knitters. There’s a wish to join them at the table for knitting and conversation. Their talk was about sex, music, movies and R-rated TV shows. Joyce even joined the Modern Knitters group. Ed grew a silent jealous of his mother. With great, Ed was stuck behind the counter counting money. To boot, ringing items and acting as daytime security for the store. In defiance of a limited role to his new business. Ed still maintains the job is better than selling real estate like his father.

Speak of the devil, a new group started to come into the shop. This group baptize by both Ed, Joyce and later on the Modern Knitters as the Ass Kissing Ladies. Middle age to elderly women that followed were wives of city officials. A delegation led by Connie K and step-mom Connie G. They didn’t bother to stay for long to chit-chat. There’s rare doubt these women know the action of a “flash mob”. No, they didn’t steal stuff in a flash in protest, but they knew what to buy in a hurry. Connie K would stand behind the women and point out what they're supposed to pick off the shelves. There was one woman with a little free will. She found a skein of light green half mohair and silk. The woman showed it to a stern Connie K. In a sad, dumb twist Connie K snatch the skein from the poor woman hand. “You’re being polite, not immoral. This is beyond any doubt a homosexual yarn”, Connie K scolded the woman. She misplaced the skein in another bin and grabbed a skein she forced all the women to pick. After being sad for the woman Ed found humor in the skein Connie K forces the women to pick. A plain charcoal and cream color wool produced under the label of a gay knitwear designer.

Step-mom Connie G didn’t say much to Ed. She never has and never will throughout their lives. The only time she speaks to Ed is unless it’s in the defense of Jeff or being superficial. At the shop, Connie G took pictures of the women picking the skein Connie K told them to pick. Once everyone finished picking Connie K skein of choice they gather at the front counter. they formed a line like school children. One by one the women paid for their skeins, one by one they said: “thank you for your service”. Ed saw this act as a routine orchestrated by both Connie's'. A broken record of fake feelings; like they did with their husbands at the fellowship hall party.

Ed did appreciate the Modern Knitters bad feelings towards the Ass Kissing Ladies. The empathy got worse later on in weeks of the Ass Kissing Ladies crusade. They joined the Modern Knitters in the shop afternoon knitting circle. This time, the women brought yarn from the outside. You guessed it, cheap acrylic yarns from the big box store. Rather than knitting yarns of bold or natural. The women use either all white or sissy pastels for baby knits. The conversations were fun and informative for today standards. Now, the Modern Knitters stay silent. The Ass Kissing Ladies talk hardcore conservative politics. Most disturbing of their topics. The encouragement for an assassination of an American black President. (In the end, the assassination never happened.) They toned down the politics, only to diss straight people in town for being homosexual. Connie K went too far to claim Ed’s pastor had ties to terrorism for being a quarter Armenian. The Modern Knitter never wished to leave because of the Ass Kissing Ladies. They wanted to prove to those women they can knit without the use of bigotry and hate. One Modern Knitter took a different approach to non-violent protest. On a warm 5 o’clock Thursday the Modern Knitter pulled out of his knitting bag a cold unopened beer can. Word has it, he bought the beer at a gas station on the edge of Mid Valley. The Ass Kissing Ladies had no knowledge of the beer can. Till they heard the sound of a pop tab. They spotted the colorful, shiny aluminum can with the fancy font of “Budweiser”.

The Modern Knitter melted the faces of those Ass Kissing Ladies. He didn't even strum an electric guitar, only to open a beer to drink. They didn't understand why? He was drinking a beer while knitting; through gossip whispers. Some of the Ass Kissing Ladies sat there knitting and staring at the Modern Knitter in silent anger. You thought they call the Cop's, but they didn't. Since it was one person drinking a beer. He bought the beer from a different place it wasn't enough to haul the "blue light special". See, Mid Valley sort of a dry city.

Mayor Kite was watching a news story on a conservative news network. They reported about a heroin raid at a bar in a town miles west of Mid Valley. Mayor Kite mistook the news report. By twisting facts to think alcohol leads people to heroin. In reality, the people in the bar and the owner didn't know heroin was selling behind the bar. The only crime in Mid Valley is small amount shoplifting from the Dollar General. There's also the appearance of spray-painted penises. It covers the walls of abandoned or old occupied buildings. He convinced Jeff and other council members to buy the only bar in Mid Valley. He assumed the town has a major crime problem because of the town only bar. An elderly man ran the bar for 40 years, till he lost his mind due to age. The council conned the elderly owner into selling to them for government reasons. Then they convince his family to use the money from the sale to put the poor man in a nursing home.

Ed though the stunt was funny. The other Modern Knitters felt the same. They also thought about bringing their own beer to the knitting circle. There was a backlash to the "bring your own beer" day at the knitting circle. The Modern Knitter and others showed up 30 minutes before the shop closed. The Ass Kissing Ladies left 20 minutes earlier. As usual, they did their same old routine. They line up with a skein of yarn by the gay knitwear designer and thank Ed for his service after paying. Ed didn't understand the Modern Knitter absence from the afternoon knitting circle.

" One of those women know social media. They messaged me to say, 'I've been ban from the yarn shop for inviting evil into our town'." The Modern Knitter used air quotes for the statement by the Ass Kissing Ladies.

Ed mood grew to pissed level. Those women forgot whose running the knitting shop. All because one valued customer cracked open one can of beer. He wasn't drunk, nor drove himself. It didn't look evil to see a person drinking a beer. Let alone knitting at the same time. The Ass Kissing Ladies saw it a different way and now want to play knitting bouncers. There’s fear the Modern Knitter may not come back to the shop. He started to have another nightmare. Despite getting help from therapy and knitting, Ed still has trouble with the terrors of war. When there's a thunderstorm, and lighting is flashing. At times there's the stress of getting bad news or shitty information in regards his father. It brings Ed nightmares, living nightmares. These nightmares happen in board daylight too. The therapist suggested Ed take antidepressants to ease the living nightmare. But, one pill prescribed to him had strong side effects. On top of that, the VA refused to cover the cost of the pills. For one bottle of pills valued at over $100 out of Ed pocket. Another Army buddy with the same struggles as Ed suggested smoking pot.

Ed, in the beginning, had doubts. The teachers and the DARE program told you pot was bad. Also, Ed hated the smell of tobacco, and never smoke a cigarette in his life. The guy handed Ed a rolled joint, then proceeded to teach him how to smoke. The lesson in pot smoking happened in Joyce kitchen. Joyce too never smoked but accepted the pot smoking. She felt it was a wholesome alternative to the $100 bottle of antidepressants the VA won't pay for. They vow never to mention this to Jeff or anybody related to the city of Mid Valley. After a few days of smoking one joint a day Ed living nightmares ceased. The teachers and the DARE program were wrong about pot. They've never been through a war zone.

When Ed has a living nightmare he followed a path to the back of the shop. There's a back door leading to another room. That room is the same size as the shop; only it's a little colder. The main use of this room is to store yarn when they need restocking. There's plenty of yarn, but plenty of space in the middle of the room. Ed moved pass the room at ease without bumping into anything. He opened another door to the outside. A dumpster sits on the walls, along with a pair of tin trash cans next to the door. Ed usually sits between those objects to smoke his joint. After five minutes smoking a group of Modern Knitters appeared in front of him. Ed was still high, but the Modern Knitters were real.

"I'd like to kick those women out, but I won't hear the end of it from dad." Ed gave the Modern Knitter an honest answer.