I do this with my mother all the time. Whenever she yells at me, I say “mom I love you, but I’m nit going to pay attention to what you are saying until you calm down”. Sometimes it makes things worse for a few moments but it always leads to a de-escalation if I insist on my own vibes.

I appreciate you sharing this detail. We are coming up on Mother's Day here and all of the ads are about how gentle and loving mothers are. Not trying to say your mom doesn't love you! : ) Just that it is reassuring to hear I'm not alone in having challenges with my relationship to mine.