When darkness creeps in and you need someone
It is those moments of silence and inactivity that it creeps up and start whispering words. After the hustle and bustle of the past 3 weeks, I find myself in the dark. I was looking at the triggers and there have been several possible reasons why.
One such trigger was learning about the death of Anthony Bourdain
Ever since watching his shows Parts Unknown and No Reservations I have been a fan of this man who was passionate about food no matter where as long as it was good food, It didn't matter if it was Michelin
star restaurant or a hole in a wall type that just showed how much they love their food and want to share it. He talks about the culture and lives of people and not the high priced ingredients or the fancy cooking techniques used but view cooking as life.
I was packing some of the stuff for the outreach in the morning when someone said that he was dead. I was shocked and read both the Washington post and BBC news so it was not fake news. I sat there stunned and unable to move. People reported that he was withdrawn and seemed troubled lately but they did not ask him if he was okay.
People often associate depression with an all-enveloping sadness but it is more. It is more complex and often a myriad of emotions and thoughts that they have trouble in being able to single and work things out.
A friend of mine remarked why would he do that when he was living the life. A career, a hot girlfriend and, a successful restaurant. He had everything he needed to live a happy life and it is such a waste.
How many times have I heard that you can control it or just decide to be happy. So snap out of it! Only if it was that simple. Here are some more examples
What does not help
One of my favorites was talking to a friend and was told off to "Suck it up princess!" granting both of us were more than tipsy but less than drunk so the message while meaning to do good was not appreciated as it spoke of not understanding my plight back then.
What can help
Don't leave them alone to wallow in their thoughts. Often times because we don't know how to react to a person depressed we leave them alone to figure out on their own. When they are alone that is the time most of the voices are loud and so we need you to be there for us, to drown out the demons in our head.
Listen - sometimes we just need a sounding board to express our thoughts and our fears. There are some who just wants someone to listen to them as they talk about things and get it off their chest. Just be there.
Compassion not pity - a lot of people don't want to talk about it because they don't want that look of pity that people give them. We are already damaged and to see people look at us with those eyes makes the feeling worse. What we would want is compassion that even if you really don't know how it feels, it is something that you can understand and have no judgment.
Love and support - sometimes no words are needed. Just the mere fact that someone will be there for us when all we want to do is be alone helps a lot. Make us feel love, that we are worth it and that you will support and be there.
What to do?
I have been in that situation that I pretended that things were fine, that being busy with projects will make me feel fulfilled and happy. Some days it does but there will be days that you simply can't get out of bed and you just want to wallow in your dark thoughts.
Sometimes I wish that I could make music or paint or something creative. The only thing I can do is talk, listen and write. Most days it is enough, some days it isn't and those are the days that I need help. I have a support system in place but there are times I feel I impose too much especially when they are carrying a heavier load.
Hopeline by Dawson McAllister is present in the country and can be contacted +63 804-HOPE(4673). There is a tollfree number for Globe and TM subscribers +63 0917-558-4673 if you need to talk to someone quick and anonymously.
There are so many reasons why a person gets depressed and may think that suicide is the only option but there many more reasons why it is not and if you are having these thoughts reach out to someone.
If you feel that someone is suffering this don't be afraid to ask if they are doing okay and that you want to help. We want to help people realize that life can be beautiful and that they are not alone.
In Steemit we have the Prevent Suicide Discord server where there is always someone ready to listen and is a safe place to be.
I am almost always online as well if you need to talk.
And might I add that depression is something that we can all talk about and try to get rid of the shame that's attached to it. I've never understood why everyone rallies around someone who has cancer for example, or even a simple headache, but we don't talk about mental illness in the same way. The stigma is real, as you well know I'm sure.
Please try not to feel this way :
I'm sure those people can accept your "imposition" much more than you not being alive.
I too was affected by Anthony Bourdain's death; it's the shock that goes with it, but it got me thinking how we see/view famous people. We're shocked when something like this happens, but of course, we're only living their "fairy tale" life and not seeing them in their real life. Your friends comment as to why he would kill himself since he's "living the life" shows how different public and private lives really are. In the same breath, I'd venture to say that we all have public and private lives and like you said, it's so important to check on our friends and loved ones who suffer with depression, because they will not normally come to "us".
Thank you for this awareness post and for the discord channel too. I am sorry you're feeling this way again, and probably with your life so crazy busy in the last few weeks, the rest of you is trying to catch up.
So am I if you ever need it <3
Thank you Lynn. It has been a rough week so far and there have been a lot of triggers and the projects I have is also been hard to work on.
The low energy and the lack of sun also is not helping because with the lack of things that I am accomplishing my body is not able to produce seratonin.
A lot of people only see the limelight, the on camera persona of stars and celebrities and they don't see the behind the scenes life where it can be sad, lonely and with high anxiety because the expectations are so high.
Anything to get people talking about this as people need to know that it is okay not to be okay and that they are not alone.
That's why I appreciate your posts so much. Too many suffer in silence.
Steemit and the people here have helped me in so many ways deal with this but there are times, as you know........ it all seems too much.
I'm loving that more and more people are talking about it. It helps all of us to not feel so alone when things get black.
I have told many people to start writing as a way of helping to get feelings out in the open. We get so used to hiding our feelings that it does help.
but you already write but want to be more creative. May I suggest you go look at @mikesthoughts blog.
He is a great photographer and decided one day to teach himself to draw art and has made a ton of posts about his journey to where he is now.
I go look at his posts and it makes me want to try and draw and I know I am not good at drawing. I can make things from other things but to draw on a black sheet of paper...... no. LOLL
I have not gotten the guts up to try it yet but hope someday I do. You never know unless you try. :D so they tell me LOLL
and I never sleep so please know I am always here too. I tell my friends that they are always free to send me a message about anything and that is where it will stay.
If you write on the top for me not to read it, you have my word I will not but as you said sometimes it helps to know someone is at the other end.
Never think you are alone because you are not.
Thank YOU for writing this wonderful post with so much information for people and me included.
hugs
Thank you snook and I have visited his blog and seen what he does and it is an amazing art journey.
he even gave me advise to just do it! and well I am starting off with some deep dreaming generated images which look so kick-ass!!!
I will Snook if it becomes too unbearable and I am hoping that once the sun decides to show himself again that I will be okay!
The deep dreaming generator is SO cool :D I can spend hours on that website :D
Mike is very down to earth so it's good you two talk too!!
and Good :D I will pray for some sun for you!! but remember sun comes in many forms. hugs
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This post says a lot of the things that I feel on a fairly regular basis...
I've been seeing a shrink at the local V.A. hospital since 2006, so I'm pretty stable most of the time, but I still have those days where the darkness sneaks in on me. It's worst in the winter, but this spring was more of a struggle than I was expecting. Being able to get outside and do stuff really helps me a lot.
I have been talking to one on and off since I have been 13 years old and agree that there would be periods of relatively being okay and then you get some triggers and everything is just not fine.
Yeah I like walking all over the city, it is great that the place I live in has parks and open markets during weekends which is awesome so having sunny days really lifts my mood.
I am happy I can convey my sorrow into art, dunno what I would do, as I know the feeling, most of the time I am a cheerful person but I know a lot about sorrow too. I learned to appreciate my sadness, sadness is not half bad, it teaches you you care about something. So I sing and gather my pieces. But other elements there like anxiety can unbalance us completely and our body health along with it. And you need mental but also physical stregth.
Yes sadness itself is not bad and important to be experienced so we can see the beauty of life in general.
It is awesome that you can transform that emotion into a song and convey it si that you exorcise it out.
Agree on Anxiety and when it hits, it really puts you into a ringer and is difficult to get over. We need both mental and physical strength to get over it.
Talking and writing are very creative! And, you don't have to be good at anything like art to do it to feel better. I mean, I got my start literally as a way to deal with the darkness inside. I couldn't figure any other way to get it out other than by scribbling on a page.
Then, bit by bit as you get the buildup of muck out, you gain some control about how it comes out. Remember, you don't need to show anyone, and I mean anyone, what you create. That's yours and yours alone. Don't compare it to anything because it's unique because it's you just trying to get something out. If you want to get better at art, you will, but DO NOT think about that at the beginning. As for the creative process, get to that later.
This is the exact conversation I had with a friend earlier today. I've decided to attach a picture of my very first sketch pad because I think it states what I'm trying to say most clearly.
Be well and know there are a lot of us out there. And beginning conversations like this over and over is the best way to educate those who don't understand.
Thanks for posting!
Michael
Very HUGE HUGS @mikesthoughts <3
Thanks @snook :) That was my first notebook almost 6 months ago. It's been a long journey since then. Still fighting to pull myself up, but, I'm pretty sure it's been forward movement. Hard to tell from inside the storm though.
Thank Michael for this wonderful comment and I agree that it is our own but I really did try to draw and also rtried digital art, so now I am testing out Deep Dream Generating which is in a way similar but also different from fractal art.
It is an awesome way of making new images and somehow comforting me.
Yeah, find your space. The important part is that you're looking and not putting it off until tomorrow. Create, create, and create until you find the right place :) Who knows, it could be massive brass sculptures of Greek gods :)