Song Parody - It's No Wonder I'm Not Living Off the Land - Troy Reid

Another song parody about a certain FAUX homesteader/off-gridder who is nothing more than a grubby e-beggar and habitual liar...

IT'S NO WONDER I'M NOT LIVING OFF THE LAND (to the tune of "Walking In a Winter Wonderland")

In the dark, headlamps glistening
I flap my gums but Mel’s not listening
I’m all out of breath
I look like warmed over death
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

My fake wood stove, it ain’t firing
Down at Sunrise, they ain’t hiring
So I’ll sit on my ass
passing some gas
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

On Mel’s slop, I’ll be dining
To bots on Steemit, I’ll be whining
I’ll go hunt for meat
at the store down the street
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

Together we will frolic in the snow, man
Me and my chubby lizard brown
When someone asks why did you marry
So we could get more WIC food up in town

If it snows, I’ll be hiding
With young Sam, dirtbike riding
I need more time for play
The greenhouse can wait
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

On the couch, I’ll be reclining
where I can’t hear Michelle crying
Some days I’m hyper
But I won’t change no diaper
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

A bit of work, and I’m perspiring
Guess my folks won’t be retiring
They’re paying for me
Everything’s free
As I trash another plot of land

This is my job, I keep insisting
The crew at .sucks, they’re all listening
It’s no surprise
When they catch me in lies
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

Together we can frolic in the snow, man
I’ll flap my arms just like a circus clown
It’ll take my mind off of other things
Like why my Youtube views are going down

Three times this year, we lost the garden
But I’m an expert, I beg your pardon
Thank God for W-I-C
I just love charity
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

If you get hurt, I’m not liable
I’ll just wave my camo bible
It’s not my fault
Mel cooks with much salt
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

Later on, I’ll conspire
My discharge papers, see I’m no liar
The trolls say “no way”
But I spray “OK”
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land

Roadside trash, gets me drooling
The gang at .sucks I’m not fooling
I’m driving all day
Homesteading can wait
As I trash another plot of land

My homestead is run on solar
Inside the shed, it’s getting colder
You’ve flipped your lid
If you think I’m off grid
It’s no wonder I’m not living off the land