Another frustrating "lost" dream last night

Someone suggested that I keep a dream journal. It was one of you people out there and while I initially thought this would be better with pencil and paper kept next to my bed I, like most people, have nearly forgotten how to write with a pen or pencil but can type at a very fast speed. Since I retain my memories of my dreams long after I wake up, it isn't necessary for me to do it while I am still lying down. I lose none of the information in the time it takes for me to wake up and make a coffee.

So this is my dream journal now. Since I dream almost every single night I have a lot going on in this ol' noggin of mine and in the past 2 days I have had quite similar and frustrating dreams. Unlike the night prior, this "lost" dream didn't result in me sleepwalking around my apartment but the overall theme of the dream was extremely similar.

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So last night I recall the important aspects of my dream but not really what it was that was the overall goal of my trek that resulted in me getting lost in the first place. This time rather than being in the forest or somewhere remote I was in an urban environment. I don't know if in the dream I was meant to be in Chicago or NYC, but it was somewhere very populated like that.

If you have ever been to these cities you have probably seen scenes of people whisking through the subway systems (or the elevated trains, if you are in Chicago) and how if you are there and are confused about how the system works, you feel as though you are in the minority. When I lived in Chicago, it took me a while to figure out what the hell was going on with the trains because while the system seems easy to understand for people that have always used it, it can be really frustrating for someone that is new. Normally, a "line" or which direction the train is actually going is labeled by what the last stop on that line actually is. They can't say north, east, west, or south because the trains will sometimes change directions and not head in a straight path. Your stop likely isn't the end of the line, but it will be labeled as such. So if you don't know which way the train is actually going, you could very well end up on the wrong line or at least go in the wrong direction for a stop or two before you figure that out.

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Also, sometimes the very entrances to the subway are almost hidden from view and there could be tons of different lines down there once you get in. While i have never lived in NYC I have some friends that do and I always feel lost when I am using the trains. I also feel like I am getting the way of people that actually do know where they are going and this is only because I definitely am getting in the way of them.

In my dream I simply couldn't figure out where I was supposed to queue up and even when I gambled and chose a path I was wrong and ended up in a hallway that was exiting the subway rather than even getting on a train. When i asked someone that worked there (in the dream) they told me that I would have to buy another card because I already used this one up. Then at some point I found myself outside and was walking towards where I thought the entrance to the subway was only to discover that it was several blocks behind me and I had managed to walk past it and not see it.

I don't even remember what my destination was in this dream.

Something else that entered the dream was that my older sister was in the dream and she was not being very helpful despite the fact that whatever city this was in the dream, it was a city that she lived in. She wasn't helping me even though she could have and this just added to my frustration. At one point she said "ill just drive us" and this just made me even more upset because I was stubborn and wanted to figure out the subway system, not just get to my destination.

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_{I have visited the Big Apple many times and this is still a convoluted mess in my mind}

Now that I think about it I believe in the dream I was going to some sort of concert.

When I finally emerged from this dream and was back in my bed in Vietnam, I was so frustrated from the dream that I couldn't get back to sleep. I ended up capitulating and eventually got out of bed at the first sight of sunlight peeking around my curtains. It was a 5am start time for me today and I probably could have gotten up hours before that. I don't like waking up before the sun because that just results in me needing to go to bed even earlier the following night and the pattern ends up simply repeating itself.

So i've broken down a few elements of the dream.

• Me refusing to just let my sister drive me is based in my own stubbornness and unwillingness to let other people help me even when that is clearly the easiest way out. I do not like admitting defeat in real life and there are many instances where I have made things more complicated for myself because of this stubbornness. I also do not like to remain ignorant of how things work even though just letting someone else "do it for me" is clearly the easier way out.

• Me and my sister have butted heads my entire life. We were the first 2 born in our family and although we have chilled out a lot since getting older, give us a few days around one another and we will be right back at it arguing with one another over something completely trivial.

• The trains confusing me is something that I have gotten unreasonably upset about on a number of occasions in my life. Even the trains in Bangkok, which I think are some of the best in the world, have that system of identifying which way the train is actually going by naming the line the last stop on that line is a system that I have never liked and find confusing. I don't know any other way that they could possibly do it though. In any city that has a mass transit something or other in it i always find it more difficult than it needs to be. I have heard that the London underground is extremely complex and difficult to understand for anyone that doesn't live there. Good thing I have no intention of ever going to London!

• I had previously read that being lost in a dream indicates a decision or series of decisions that are in your awake life that you are having trouble dealing with. At the moment I am working on an extended visa and this is frustrating to me. I also have some choices coming up about whether or not I am going to continue to live in this country or not and this is something that I frequently have issues with. I also am getting a little fed up with the fact that all of my days have started to feel the same day in and day out and I want more in life than just routine. Perhaps that bothers me a great deal more than I actually am willing to recognize.

So that's my crazy ass dream from last night. Perhaps it seems a bit silly to get so worked up over a clearly fictional dream that I am unable to get back to sleep at 3am or whatever time it initially was but perhaps that is just another sign about how my stubbornness in the dream is just a reflection of how stubborn I am in real life.