Drunken College Grad With Honors Terrorizes Neighbors in Underwear

 Drunken College Grad With Honors Terrorizes Neighbors in Underwear

Carpe diem – “Seize the Day”And seize the day I did, drunk and in my underwear the night of my college graduation.  It was a nice sunny day and I had my robe on and listened to the guest speaker (Chuck Norris) at the graduation ceremony, having such relief that so many years of sitting in boring classes that seemed pointless was finally over!It turns out I sleepwalk when drunk, or at least drunk on a certain type of wine.  After I got home I drank a bottle of wine (forgot the brand or type….and basically everything else until I woke up the next morning with a hangover in jail), then I went to sleep in my boxers, the way I normally go to sleep.  Then in my drunken amnesia, a scene straight out of “The Hangover” began to take place…Ok so then I wake up in jail and I have paperwork in my little tub with a tiny bar of soap, a toothbrush (brand name “Bob Barker”….).  

So with no explanation of why I am in jail, I decide to read these orange papers in front of me.  “Attempted First Degree Burglary – Felony”, and there was 2 of these.  I was shocked!  Well the next day they shackled me up, hands and feet and I went out of the jail, camera’s from the local/state news following me to transport in a van to go to court.  I find out I am facing 16 years in prison!  And I don’t remember anything!My bond was set at $16k but my lawyer got it lowered to where I could get bonded out.  Then I get home and find out I was the highlight of the state news channel in North Carolina and South Carolina.  I went to the internet to see what it said.  “Drunken Grad Terrorizes Neighborhood Wearing Only Boxers.”  Apparently after going to sleep I woke up and wandered the neighborhood and got to a house and thought it was my own house but strangely there was a man inside, with a shotgun pointed at me.  So logically I go to pick up a lawn chair and throw it through the sliding glass door to try and scare this intruder out of my house.  That didn’t work and the police “followed my trail” whatever that means and found me near my house and took me to jail.

They realized eventually I wasn’t a burglar so I pleaded down to a misdemeanor and they determined I actually did think it was my own house and ironically I thought that man was breaking and entering into my house when it was me who was at least “breaking” (but not entering).

So it was on the 6pm and 10pm news in two states.  Then came the Facebook comments from the people at my University flaming me badly for giving the school a bad name.  What could I say?  I don’t know.  This is one of the reasons I stopped drinking.  They said I was in my boxers and they were all torn up and bloody.  I jumped a fence apparently when the cops were chasing me through the woods and got all cut up and broke my toe.  And the neighbor with the shotgun said he almost shot me as I started to walk in the doorway I had just broken, but there must have been a speck of sense/fear of getting shot so I did run away thank goodness.

So I did some community service, a few days in jail, and paid a lot of money to the court system and to the people I “terrorized.” to replace the things I damaged.  

They also said I tried to open a few other neighbors doors and I pushed over someone’s BBQ grill and damaged it.

Kids, don’t drink and sleep, especially while on pharmaceuticals!  Or do better drugs that don't kill anyone like kratom or cannabis.