Dtube Relationships - How to Recover From Political Arguments
Happy Friday Steemians!
So yesterday I released a somewhat controversial video on PC Culture. Of course, whenever I post something inherently political, I run the risk of losing followers, or interest, or people who aren't into politics, or don't want to come here for it. The biggest risk however is that of potentially getting into an argument with the hubs...which just so happened to occur.
Hubs and I first met in a choir. He was the accompanist, and I was a singer. I had just come off a divorce and I was feeling lightweight and fancy free. I certainly wasn't considering settling down again, not for a long time. The divorce was unexpected and left me in a pretty shitty situation that took years to recover financially from. So, I definitely wasn't considering anything serious at that moment.
Somehow, of the 30 or so girls in the choir, I caught his eye, and he awkwardly chatted me up at the piano one rehearsal, remembering my name and complimenting my "Don't Feed the Hipsters" t-shirt.
Shortly after that, a couple of weeks later, everyone in the choir was exchanging phone numbers, and he got in on the action. I gave him my number and got a text that night. We texted for a week or so and he asked me out on a "non-date" to the movies...which ended up being a movie and a long talking date afterward at a frozen yogurt place. While we were there, we faced the inevitable: our political differences. I knew he was liberal, and he wasn't sure about me. We went over all the different topics, being careful not to divulge too much, so as not to offend the other. It was like walking through a minefield, being mindful not to step on any. We made it through and agreed on another date. The rest of it is pretty much history, but man do we still struggle.
In some ways I think we should go back to that day at the yogurt shop where we were so respectful of what the other had to say. Now, when we have an argument about politics, we go in guns a blazing, knowing that the other person is pretty much stuck with us haha. There isn't the same intrepid fear of losing the other person to being inconsiderate or rude. I think this happens to a lot of us in our marriages. The fear wears off, we get complacent and lazy, and often hurtful and unkind, knowing that the other person isn't likely to break things off...not with three kids and a mortgage and an impossibly hard world to live in by yourself raising kids without the help of another.
We could all do well to remember the first few weeks of our relationships and act more like that. Surely the "newness" has worn off after 6 years, but remembering why we are with the person we are with, and how we made it work then is surely the key to rekindling kindness and getting through rough arguments.
The video above is kind of an explanation of my differences from the hubs, and why we have difficulty understanding one another sometimes. Maybe it will give you a little perspective into your own relationship!
Thanks for reading/watching!
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You are not alone in this. For my wife and I it's not politics it's religion. Your insight into the rudeness and how it kind of sneaks in is probably the most significant avenue to defeating this issue. It takes a conversation. Both people have to agree to talk to the other in a way that they're not pushing boundaries they don't push with other people in their lives. For my wife and I this means I can't really talk to her about my beliefs because it just upsets her. But we love each other a lot, so yes heated stuff happens with people who have fundamentally different beliefs but still love each other. It's just figuring out a way to be civil to each other and respecting each other's boundaries that will get you through. It's tough. But really if you're a passionate person like I am you're going to find things you disagree with people on no matter who your mate is.
That's true! Haha. I try to remember that. Even when I was with really conservative guys, I had heated arguments about a specific topic we didn't see eye to eye on within the conservative sphere.
Anything that has some political element on it is really getting risk of loosing some people under your wings because that matter is very subjective and different people will have different beliefs.
It reminds me of the book Influence by Robert Cialdini. There is a section or multiple that present the fact that when people have an opinion, they may stick to it regardless of proofs of the contrary. So, I think that it is better to stay away from arguing. It may lead to spending less energy, have to deal with less retrospective thoughts and feeling less remorseful.
Great read. Politics has ruined many a family gathering. Quite a shame actually, considering it's all the same, just different colors for the most part...reds..blues...greens...;+)
Glad you're still posting!
Peace.
Haha my Mother-in-law once called me a witch in a letter she wrote to my hubs about me. I'm the evil conservative boogeyman. Makes creepy oooo noise
Ha!…smart m-i-laws remain quiet on such musings…After all the ‘damage is done’…teehee…The vows have been spoken. And, if she was trying to dissuade a man in love, surely she knew the odds of succeeding at that were slim to zero.
When politics arise in close settings, it’s a spoken rule (aka let’s change the subject) when we say… We'll just agree to disagree on this one.
Realistically, politicians don’t warm your feet on a cold night, or fix you chicken soup when the flu strikes out of the blue. Only those who love and care for you do.
So love your m-i-l, if for no more than the fact that, it was her love that nurtured the loving hubby that you have today. ;+)
Best regards!
Peace.
If only people can see things this way. I think I am enjoying such in my new relationship. Sometimes argument do occur but each of us believe we are deeply together, so no argument should be allowed to tear us apart.
Thanks for sharing this thought. I love it
I agree, I don't associate with any party. Like you I have what I feel are unique views to me. When people allow themselves to be labeled they become slaves. Best of luck with hubs :-)!
Haha we haven't killed each other yet, so I consider that a success! :)
Hey, I understand. The wife and I don't see eye to eye either on political things. You and I have a lot of the same life experiences, other than me growing not growing up as the minority. I also grew up with very little money with a divorced parent and absent father though.
The two parties are different, but not in the ways that matter enough to keep the shadows of each from clashing in sameness. What we really have right now is a parasite problem that is running coercion as a means for control.
As a practical matter, I thought Bernie Sanders was the best choice in the last election. It was something that I would have thought will delay collapse, but I can see that this assumption was wrong. Something more fundamental has to be addressed now and that is the fact that none of us has consented to the form of government that we now have and as a result we have become slaves.
I grew up inner city even though I was born on a 70 acre farm owned since the civil war (this because my parents split back in the mid 60's). So I saw gang violence, and yes whites were poor everywhere. The dialog that "blacks have it worse" is what authority uses to keep us separated so that we're arguing with each other instead of coming together to realize how bad the ruling class has screwed all of us.
This is what the left will have to understand if they want to avoid blood. because blood is coming if they think they can force the issue with a vote. As a practical matter now, the only thing that will work to defuse the coming civil war is if we are once again given the choice to opt out of the union (as we once again relive 1776 in our fight against the Brits).
Wow !!!
Great explanation ..@bethwheatcraft
I saw your full video in dtube...
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I rarely argue politics with someone having a contrary opinion. When you argue, it's not so much as to win converts than it is to massage our own egos. So I say whether you're left, right or somewhere in the middle, you're entitled to your opinion.