There is nothing more important than raising children. The older I get, the more I'm sure of this. Violence, rape, war, and more are direct failures of parenting. Children do not raise themselves, and they're not born evil or hateful. They're born full of love and joy.

Of course there are tons of parenting books, but relatively few people actually seek them out. Most people have the idea that raising a child requires no more instruction than making one. People just do what their parents did or make a few adjustments here and there based on their experiences. Many don't want to acknowledge their parents may have fucked up. To begin, they believe this reflects poorly on them. If their parents didn't do it right, then they didn't turn out right. You see this insane justification for spanking often. People also believe saying their parents missed the mark means they don't love their parents. Allow me to offer a slightly different perspective. If you have the capacity to reflect back and see where your parents could have done better, your parents did some big things right. If they want you to do better than they did, that is even better.

To be sure, parenting is a very personal experience. Our parenting style directly reflects our values. A big piece of parenting is sharing our values. If you really value critical thinking, you probably aren't pushing blind obedience. If you believe strongly in personal freedom, you will teach your child to protect his. If you believe we should care for one another, you will teach your children that too.

However, some things are really basic. What would happen if everyone was taught those ground level parenting skills and basic child development. What kind of difference would it make in the world if all children learned this in school. I mean, anyone who has been on this page knows how I feel about schools, but this would actually be helpful. This is yet another of those practical skills children are not learning, and in the absence of a community support system, people are just muddling along blindly. Here, children are often left to fend for themselves outside all day. While a lot of free and even unsupervised time is wonderful, some guidance is good too. All around the world, children are thrust into daycares, schools, and the homes of family members. At best these entities cannot provide the love and support a parent would. At worst these places can be terribly dangerous both physically and emotionally.

Of course there are a lot of reasons for this, and economics is a huge one. Most families can't afford a parent staying home, but lack of education about parenting and child development is another. Many families who could afford to stay home simply choose not to. While everyone has a right to make the best choice for their family, it is really critical to have a thorough understanding of child development and how important those early years really are. On the flip side, many people who do choose to stay home seem not to understand either.

Imagine a world where all people knew about the importance of infant bonding. What if everyone knew all the benefits of breastfeeding or baby wearing (and also how much easier they make your life)? What if everyone understood the damage done by spanking, shaming, and yelling? What if we really talked about the damage of sexual abuse? What if we learned how to teach our boys healthy masculinity instead of toxic masculinity? What if everyone understood the almost unimaginable importance of respecting children's boundaries - stopping tickling when they say stop, honoring requests to not hug, kiss, or even high five? What if we learned how important it is to teach our children to be fair and just? What if we simply learned how important it is to give them love, attention, and praise? What if everyone knew that reading to children daily is the single greatest predictor of them learning to read? What if every parent had already learned all these things and then had the support, financial and emotional, to devote this kind of energy to their children.

I believe we are talking about totally and completely changing the entire world in the space of a generation.

Much love, y’all!

As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.

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