for my mother's smile..

Today I just broke off my relationship with Dimas, a young businessman. From the beginning of the relationship with her, I was feeling uncomfortable. Dimas was my friend five years ago. We had one class during high school. He is the son of one of the businessmen in Jakarta. We are very familiar, even he often play to my house. Dimas was good, he was very good at catching my mother's attention. I just found out that dimas kept a deep feeling for me since high school, but somehow I had absolutely no feelings for him.

Until one day we are reunited, and Dimas more often play to my house. To me it does not matter, I consider it just a regular visit after years of not meeting. Suddenly Dimas asked me to be his lover. I never gave any reaction. I do not think I love her, and I certainly can not accept her as my lover. But Mother really wants me to have a serious relationship with Dimas. The reason, because Dimas is well established and certainly able to make me happy and guarantee my future someday. I slowly explain to my mother that I do not love her. But Mom pushed a little, and told me to try. Mom always says that love will come by itself. I do not want to disappoint my mother, I am finally willing to be a lover of Dimas.

My smile My mom

Perhaps there is a truth what the saying goes, good at making friends is not necessarily good at making girlfriend. That's what I feel after several months of undergoing a relationship with Dimas. Increasingly, Dimas increasingly shows its true nature. He always set me up, forbid me to go with my friends, to pick up and drop me off to work. If one time only sms or his phone there that I did not reply and I lift, he is always angry not clear to me. Or if I chat with my boyfriend he always accuses me of having an affair with my friend.

I was tired of his attitude, until one day I threatened him to break up if he went on like that. Finally he apologized and promised not to repeat it again. But after a few weeks his attitude back to normal. He is too possessive, and that's what I do not like about him. Not to mention the always complicated work, instead of helping him always adds a burden to my mind.

I did not want to tell my mother this, I thought I'd be able to handle this problem. But it turns out I can not stand the attitude of Dimas. Until finally I told all my mom, instead of concerned about my slightly depressed condition, mother smiled. "Maybe because too much love and afraid of losing you, eat him like that" explained the mother, relaxed. "But bu__" I have not got time to say anything, mother cut her. "Have a son, mother know you are just making it up. Mother knows more about how dimas it is, she is good and polite child. She is very respectful of her and she loves you very much. How could he dare to hurt and hurt you. "Said the mother at length, tapping my shoulder. And then go into his room. I bowed sadly. Why do mothers believe more with the sweet words of others than their own children. I mumbled softly.

Today I went to work myself, Dimas says he will be out of town for a few days. It was a relief to feel like I could breathe a little for a few days without the pressure of her. This time I went to work with my best friend, Karin. long enough I do not feel this kind of atmosphere anymore. How fun. As I often do before, I piggyback karin every time we go to work. It was so fun to joke and joke, I almost hit a man. Good thing my brakes stamped hard enough, until the motor stopped right in front of the man. Unexpectedly, it turns out to be Password. My old workmate, whom I secretly admire. From that moment on I got closer to him. Somehow there is a feeling of comfort when I am nearby. Not just because I had admired her a long time ago. But because he's a humorous type. He often consoled me. I did not even hesitate to tell my story to him. He always gave me advice that comforts me. Upon Dimas from out of town. I felt like my life in prison again.
But I hold this feeling, for my mother's sake. But secretly without the knowledge dimas I always meet the password. Wherever, whenever, We always take time to meet only five minutes. I feel there is something different from my feelings. Maybe I love the password and sandbox. I started thinking about my feelings, I can not keep my relationship with dimas. Because besides I do not love him, Dimas never made me happy. Finally I rounded my resolve to break my relationship with Dimas. Dimas initially did not accept, but I explain slowly, fortunately he was aware with kesalahnnya for this. I know he's very sorry, but I said I still can not give him another chance. As I told you what happened between me and Dimas. My mother and I were arguing very well. Looks like mom is not willing if I break with Dimas, especially after mother knows I decided my relationship with Dimas because I love other men. The economy and job status are far below Dimas. If they have to say, they are like the heavens and the earth. Password is indeed a person does not have, he works as a laborer in a factory. But I do not care about his social status at all. Most importantly for me he loves me very much and he can share me even with the makeshift material.

I'm fine, but mom is very much against my relationship with Sandi. Mother said Sandi is not suitable for me, besides Sandi has three younger siblings while Sandi is the first child, so that all the needs of his siblings family and school password that finance. Can be said Sandi is the backbone of the family after his father's death. "Are you ready to live hard? from the time you were a little mother to work hard for your life is not lack, so all your needs fulfilled. But now why do you want to hurt the mother's feelings by seeing you become a hard person? 'Snapped my mother. I could not look at my mother's eyes, which seemed to be flushed from her burst of rage. "But bu .. not a person's happiness can not be measured by how much material he has. I often see rich people whose lives are unhappy. I really do not love Dimas bu. I love Sandi. Help me understand how I feel. Just this once. I beg you. "I say quietly, I start to sob. Little by little the tears began to fall down my cheeks.
"Love huh? You think when you're hungry you can eat love, you think rice is bought with love, right? "snapped the mother again.
"Not so bu, the most important for me is comfort. Mom never know what I feel this slama, I'm depressed bu.
"INTERESTED? obviously you are depressed because you never try to open your heart to dimas. You are blinded by love. "
"I have tried it bu, I always try to love dimas but still can not. Please, please confirm my connection with the password. Child password is good, I'm sure someday he can be a good priest for me. "
"Terseraah what you say, obviously the mother still does not agree you are dealing with people who are not clear origin, if you insist, please. But do not blame mom, if one day you live hard. And if you keep hard, do not call me your mother anymore, I'm not willing to have a rebellious child like you. You just choose. That man or your mother. "I felt like I was struck by lightning at my mother's words. Mother came into her room. I'm still stuck in my place, unconsciously, my body seems to be weak limp, I dropped my body on the floor. I burst into tears.
"God, please help me. Release the servant from the choice that is difficult for me. I am sure I am not blinded by the wrong love. I love Sandi, but I can not sacrifice my mother's feelings. Give your servant a guide O God. "That prayer is what I always say in every prayer.
Ever since that night, my relationship with my mother was no longer harmonious. I miss the moments I tell mom about my job, about my friends, or the funny incident that I'm experiencing. Mother would rather confine herself in the room. Mom just occasionally came out of the room to provide me with a meal without accompanying me to eat first. This house is like hell to me. Batapa not, mother never greeted me, mother msih angry to me, mother always showing her cynical face in front of me. I've been to the mother in her room a few times, I told her about the crazy behavior of my friends. But mom did not give me a response, mother ignored me. Not to smile, to hear the story does not seem to be. So that you hate your son this bu ..? is it so wrong i am in your mother's throat? Is it wrong if I love my choice?

Almost every day I cried at home. The food my mother provides at the table I do not eat at all, not want to appreciate, it seems lost my appetite. I deliberately asked for overtime to my boss, I tried to keep myself busy with work. It's my only way to forget all my sadness. actually my boss did not give me permission, maybe he can not bear to see me. My body was emaciated, but I persisted. I keep doing it. Until one day I think to meet Sandi and tell all.
"Password, forgive me. Not that I do not love you. But mom does not approve of our relationship. I'm already on a match with my mother's choice. I hope you understand, I do not want to be a rebellious child. I was tormented by my own mother in one roof. I beg you, understand me. I love you so much, but it seems like fate does not allow us to unite in this world. I also do not want to put you in my trouble. I beg your pardon San. "I burst into tears, I could not look at the face of Sandi the person I love that I now have to leave forever. I kneel before Sandi.
"Wake Key, you do not need to be like this. I am sick to hear of your decision, but I do not want to make you more tormented if you have to maintain my ego. Rest assured key, true love does not have to have. Even though you will belong to somebody else, I'm sure your love is for me. I do not want to spoil you into unkind ankles, go back to your mother, tell her you will obey her wish. Go key ... do not think about me, I'm not sure will be happy without you, but for me your happiness is more pnting above all else. And all I know about your happiness is seeing your mother smile. go away .. happy your mother. "The password lifted me up, I saw tears fall from her eyes. Yeah tried to hide it from me, even though I think it's useless. I still know that she is crying. I hugged him for the first and last time. It looks like the weight is releasing Passwords. I hugged him tightly, and vice versa. Then I quickly ran to meet my mother at home, I will convey about my decision. As usual, I came in with a greeting, but my mother never answered my greetings. I went into his room. I see the mother was embroidering a cloth.
"Bu .." I said softly as he approached the mother who is still seriously embroider. Mother still ignored me.
"Mom, I'm sorry I hurt my mother. I never meant that. Mother ,, listen to me just once. I've been thinking, and I've decided to go back to Dimas, I've decided my relationship with Sandi. I know, mothers like this just want to see me happy is not it, for that should also make me happy mom. I only ask one thing from mother, please do not obey me bu, I'm your child. I love you so much. I was so tortured when my mother ignored me. I'm sorry bu, I promise not to repeat this mistake again, would not dare I mnyakiti mother's feelings again. Whatever I'm going to do for you to smile at me like I used to "I heard my mother's sobs.
"Is it true what have you said son? mother very happy to hear it. I'm always sure you'll choose a mother. "Mother hugged me. I cried lamely in my mother's arms. Finally I could feel again the warm embrace of my long-lost mother. Even though my inner body is very tortured, but I do not care about it. I beside my pain to see my mother's smile. May this be a blessing in my life. My prayer in my heart.

Today will be a marriage contract between me and Dimas. Since then, my tears have not stopped flowing remembering Sandi. But still I hide it all in front of my mother. I do not want my mother disappointed and angry with me anymore. Seconds before the consent of the kobul, I feel bad all over my body. My body was shivering with cold. Actually a month back, I'm a bit unwell. Probably because there are too many problems that squeeze the brain and drain my energy, until I neglect my health. My chest is very tight, suddenly just above my head like a lot of fireflies. I dropped my head on the table in front of me ,,, braakkk. Suddenly all the guests shouted, especially the mother seemed to worry about my mother. Dimas supports my shoulders ,,
"Your keyy why keyy ?? Wake up kid ,, what happened to you ?? Dimas cepet phone doctor! "I heard a faint voice of mother in my ears. After that I do not know anymore what happened to me, which I know I was lying weakly in bed with an IV tube in my nose, vaguely looks like I was surrounded by Dimas, mother, Karin, my boss, also .... Sandi. Well Sandi is here, makes me smile a little at his face. Slowly I open my eyes. I see the mother beside me, holding my hand and incessantly crying while saying forgive mother na ,, sorry mother. Like that, over and over again the mother said that.
"Sorry for what bu, mother do not cry. I'm fine, Mom, do not worry about me "I stammered. I tried desperately to try to wipe away my mother's tears that were spilled no matter how many tears she dropped for me, I felt guilty that she had made her cry like this.
"Forgive my dear mother, wrong mother, selfish mother, mother who never listen to your wishes, mom who never know what kind of situation you like, mother never know how depressed you son, forgive mother, mother sorry .." mother cry again , made me can not stand and I cry too, my chest is getting congested, my body is getting cold.
"Mother do not need to apologize bu, look at the mother smile too I'm very happy, mother's smile is far more precious above everything ,," I smiled at my mother. Then I turned to Dimas and Sandi ,,, I asked them both to take care of my mother. They agreed. Especially for Sandi I still say I really love him .. I see everyone's crying. Maybe it's time I left all life in the world. But I do not regret, because at the end of my life I can mengembalikkan smile my mother. I really love my mother .. I close my eyes ,, I read the creed with a little haltingly. I breathe my last breath here. Thank you mom for everything..my son, who love you so much