Live action: Dementia and my dad
Some of you may recall that my dad lives in a nursing home; It's not far from where I live. I've just finished a visit with him. I'll be honest with you, it's not the most pleasant thing to do, not because I don't like my dad, more because he doesn't really seem like my dad. Not these days anyway.
Dad's 83 years old soon and has been suffering with dementia for several years. He has trouble remembering things, me included at times, and that's difficult to process sometimes. I always leave here feeling grumpy although I dutifully visit each week and make the most of whatever that visit offers on each occasion.
Today he seemed ok, recalled who my wife and I are and was able to hold a basic conversation reasonably well all things considered. My wife, a hair dresser, cut and styled his hair today which is always interesting. My dad has always presented himself immaculately and has been proud of that so we make an endeavour to ensure that continues. Buying my dad's clothing is a little odd though...I recall him doing that for me not so long ago...Ok, 45 years ago!
As I type this he his having his hair cut and my wife Faith is reminding him of the names of his children, my brother's and sister, their spouses and his grandchildren of which he has three. He forgets. We could come back in a hour and have the same conversation all over again. Some days are worse than others, today is a seven out of ten day.
Anyway, I guess I always come away from these visits thinking about how precious life is, how important it is to say the things you feel to people you value. I'll never hear my dad say he is proud of me, and he'll never be able to give me advice, chastise me or simply converse with me on anything but a superficial level and that makes me a little sad. Still, it hammers home the need to say those things, have those conversations with those people we value now because tomorrow we may not be able to.
Sorry, this post is a bit depressing but the takeaway is to recall the importance of living the moment and valuing the relationships you have around you I guess. Life is too short not to call your mum, tell your wife you love her, thank someone, be polite and courteous, humble and kind.
Have a good day all.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default
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Yes life slips away so fast we need to make the most of that time we have.
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I see things the same way - life's too short. I'm hounded by the idea that I might not get another chance. And I know it doesn't make sense. I'm an emotional person and my loved ones know I care, if I say one more time, it won't make much of a difference...but still.
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I know what you mean. I am very emotional by nature too, and I definitely say I love you more often than necessary, but it eases my mind about any future regrets.
Exactly. I have a thing...My wife and I never go to sleep angry with one another...Always say I love you when we part...Even for just a day when I go to work or whatever. It works for us.
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Can't say that stuff enough I think. Not only does it make you feel good to do so, it makes the other feel good too. Keep saying it..
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When you post stuff like this it lets you know you're not alone :)
Ahh the repeat conversations. I have them every time I go visit my grandmother. Glad it was a good day today :)
Yeah, I don't post about it for pity, just makes me feel a bit better to do so.
In real life I'm not one who likes to repeat himself so it's an exercise in patience for me to. Have the same conversation each week. Oh well, I'm sure my dad put up with much worse from me when I was growing up.
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We often forget to be grateful for the chance to spend time with them amd care for the them. When that time comes, we often find out too late that we did not savor the moments enough!
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Exactly, which is why I always make the effort. Regret is a terrible thing and an emotion I work tirelessly to eliminate from my life to the best of my ability.
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Can you sing? If your dad liked some songs or church hymns in his youth, he might remember them now better than what is currently going on around him. This might cheer him and you up a bit.
I can't sing, don't want to torture him with my caterwauling. He sings though and they bring people into the nursing home for entertainment purposes and my dad likes that a lot.
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I see. That's nice they do that! In the US our university organ studio went to the nursing home and gave them a concert. It was quite an experience for all of us.
My dad loves the interaction, I think all the residents do. As a kid I used to go and play the organ at a local nursing home myself. It was good practice to play in front of people for the events I'd compete at. Played a little piano for them too.
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