Confusing Earth - Chapter 21: Fish

birchmark (59)in #fiction • 6 years ago (edited)

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Chapter 21: Fish

Bella sat on the bed, curled up into a ball, clutching her knees to her chest. It was a comfort to be back in her human form. Everything is safe and right in that form. She wondered whether it was daytime or night time. She had been in the room, in this position for a long time. She did not know how long. She would have to be taking more notice of the world in order to know that. The world seemed fake, like she was not really in it. She was in the cocoon of her emotions, separated from the outside world and all the mediocre problems in it. A fish could appear in front of her right now dressed in a uniform like Maree has for school and juggle flaming torches and it would not faze her. Nothing could shock her after the fear she felt in the lounge room. The infant was coming and she nearly didn’t stop it. Bella sat in this position for a moment longer and then heard a scraping noise on the floor near the door. She slowly let herself sink back into consciousness and looked to see a piece of paper under the door. She sat for a moment then got up and picked up the paper. She read it. It said, “Bella, I’m here whenever you want to talk. Nathan”. Bella looked at the note and then at the room behind her.
‘It’s time to break out of this despair and come out the room’ thought Bella. She opened the door and Nathan, who was obviously sitting at the door, fell backwards onto the floor. He smiled meekly at Bella.
“You waited there the whole time?” asked Bella.
“Yes” said Nathan “Well apart from when I went to grab a pen and paper.” He had scrunched up paper around him from previous attempts at letting Bella know he was there for her, where he felt his words just weren't right or good enough for the situation.
“That’s sweet” said Bella, “You really didn’t have to.” Nathan got up.
“I wanted to” he said, “I want to be sure you are okay.”
“I’m okay” said Bella, “It’s just a bit sad, that’s all. Well, it’s happy in a way, since I managed to stop the birth, but sad at the same time.”
“Is there anything I can help you with Bella?” asked Nathan.
“No” said Bella, “Just come in the room. I’ll explain to you what is going on.”

Nathan went into the room and Bella shut the door behind him. Nathan looked directly at Bella.
“What’s going on Bella?” he asked, “Is this more complicated than just a baby?”
“Yes” said Bella.
“Is it about the father?” asked Nathan.
“Oh Neptune No” said Bella, “I don’t even know who that is.”
“Oh” said Nathan. A moment of awkwardness silently passed.

“We never meet the other Banbazoidian who helped make an infant” said Bella, “We hardly even see our infants. Banbazoidians have no biological sex by the way. Male and female are a totally new concept to us.”
“So you’re not really a woman?” said Nathan slowly. Bella frowned at him.
“Okay sorry, now’s not the time” apologised Nathan.

Bella continued.
“The organisation chooses Banbazoidians to make infants. We don’t know who is the other Banbazoidian involved or even how exactly they do this to us. They knock us out for the process. One of us then carries the infant inside of us and then it is born, painfully. I should know. I have had hundreds” said Bella.
Nathan’s eyes went wide.
“Yes hundreds” said Bella, reading his expression, “I never got to see one for more than a minute though. They take them away and put them straight in an education system designed to make them stupid and to believe everything the organisation says. They teach them to be loyal followers of the organisation and to do everything they want. Occasionally I have seen young but not infantile Banbazoidians while they have been in this system but I would not have a clue if any are mine. They take them to see people like me to demonstrate one of the many roles they can have in the organisation. I know once the infant inside of me now is born, the organisation will somehow know and they will take it away and make it stupid and a follower of them. That’s why I took the medicine. That’s why I stopped my baby. It’s still safe and sound in my Banbazoidian form, where it will stay for Neptune knows how long. I just wish I could have this infant as my own one, not have it become property of them, like all the others.” Bella had tears dripping down her face. She was breathing heavily.
“Bella, I’m so sorry” said Nathan. There was silence for a moment.

“I don’t understand though” said Nathan, “I thought you were an outsider?”
“I became one” said Bella, “My role my whole life was to have the infants and I thought I was doing a great service in the early days, making more loyal followers of the organisation. Then I came to see how dark the whole system was. When I was due once, another Banbazoidian was in the room with me. Her infant was born but it was deformed. The members of the organisation who would take the infants blamed the Banbazoidian who created it. They said the Banbazoidian was a traitor and had committed the sin of imperfect work. They lead the Banbazoidian out of the room and one member held the infant. I could hear a scream once they left the room. I struggled my pregnant body out of the birthing chamber and looked out the door. I’ll spare you the details but they killed the infant and the Banbazoidian that created it. I hastened to get back to my birthing chamber before anyone returned. They were gone for quite a while and my infant was born while no one else was around. I sat up and looked at my infant. I had never seen one so close before. I didn’t dare touch it. If the organisation saw me touch it, they might destroy it too. It reached out to me. I pulled back away from it. Then it cried. I had never heard a cry before. It was beautiful and sad and happy all at once. It was such a beautiful creature that had come out of me. Then some organisation staff came in, saw the infant on the floor, looked at me looking at it and looked at each other nervously. Then one member picked up my infant and took it away. I never saw it again.”

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“Wow Bella” said Nathan, “That’s terrible.”
“I know” said Bella, “In recovery, I had some time to think. I thought of the others that were killed and how disposable they were seen. I thought of my infant and how adorable it was and how I wouldn’t see it again. I thought of how it would be taught to be part of the organisation and could be anything from what I am to one of the members that killed people and took away their infants. I thought about how my infant could have been seen as disposable. I re-thought my whole existence and that is when I realised the organisation didn’t care about us and what they do isn’t in our best interests. I realised they were using us and we were just floating around on top of a planet that was imperfect. I broke out. It took a year but with careful planning, I managed to get out of the place. I had already lost more infants in that time. I lived with the outsiders and learned their way of life. I became one of them. I felt truly free for the first time in my life – if only it had have lasted.”

“What happened?” asked Nathan.
“Eventually they caught me. I had lived two years as an outsider. I was recognised as a traitor and taken back in” said Bella, “They didn’t kill me. They knew a better torture for me was to impregnate me with a new infant just to lose it to them. I was impregnated and then locked up inside a room in the organisation for a few months before the need for this mission came up. They decided then that they might as well use me for something useful so sent me on the mission. They told me the infant won’t come in the human disguise but if it ever does come while I’m on the mission, they will find it and take it. They then told me they believe us as the first group, have a very slim chance of survival on Earth in the first place. As they sent me off with the rest of the group on the spaceship, I nervously accepted the fact that at least the mission bought me some time to work out how to save this infant.”

Bella looked at Nathan. Nathan pulled her into a hug. Bella hugged him back.
“Is this the feeling of affection?” sniffed Bella.
“It is” said Nathan, hugging her tighter, “It is.”
For ages it seemed they hugged, Bella feeling true affection for the first time in her life and Nathan feeling his heart break and beat fast at the very same time.