Honestly I enjoyed this and it hurts me to know you didn't win the contest, but more will come. So keep writing.

However, I think your twist was good but I want to believe that the person who put up the contest would have wanted the contestants to imagine a burning and raging fire by considering the thick smoke in the background, the delapidated building with thatched roof, the ghetto looking environment suggesting that the village is not yet a town, the flying hawks always hovering over thick smoke which you noticed, and maybe a riot considering the waste of items on the road which probably could have been the immediate cause of the fire and the cyclist running to saftey or the protection of his house hold.

My thoughts though.

I love African tales and now I write them too on steemit. Keep up the good work, don't be discouraged, you are very skillful with the use of words and your imagination is great. Cheers.