If You Love Me, Let Me Go
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She was on the pier. I thought she’d jump this time for sure. She couldn’t swim. We both knew. It was a game she played, like the scars inside her wrists from cuts deep but not too deep.
I watched from a good distance. I couldn’t rescue her this time. The pier was high and the water was choppy from the incoming storm. She was like a postcard, hair whipping in the wind against a heavy gray sky. There was a patch of sunlight that shone on half of her. I waited.
When she drew back from the edge she made her way straight to me. “You weren’t gonna save me?” she said.
I shook my head. “No.”
“How’s that for love?” She was sad, the way she asked it, but she smiled into my arms and kissed me like she’d been waiting years to do so.
There was so much in that kiss. The whole story of how she meant it this time. Really meant it. We both knew it wouldn’t be long before she was gone.
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This is so full of sadly acceptance. It reminds me of how, in a less strict sense, some things in life are just inevitable. And we have to patiently await them. Try to make amends with the outcome.
Amazing, as always.
This was a hard piece to write because I had to adjust my perspective on personal autonomy, love, trust and loss. I don’t encourage suicide, but there is also the aspect of how we are responsible for ourselves and cannot always hold someone back from their choices regardless of our preference. There is also truth in acceptance offering an alternate route to perceived freedom by depressed individuals. We can’t support when we sit in fear or judgment.
I agree, as difficult as it could be, people always have the last choice in their lifes. Even if those choices hurt us and would have prefered them in some other way. We always want the best for our loved ones, but what we perceive as best could not be what they want. The line dividing the point in where we are being helpful and where we are imposing ourselves is blurry
Also, I don't encorage suicide either, sorry if it came out that way. I was just extrapolating the meaning to situations of everyday life.
I didn't think you were encouraging. I read your comment as believing in autonomy. I think we're on the same page here. I'm grateful for your words.
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Nice writeup
Thank you!