Interview With A Psychopath - Military Drone Operator (SATIRE)

Today we have an exclusive chat with a uniform wearing terrorist with a joystick. 

Brainwashing Tool:  Welcome to another edition of “Interview With A Psychopath” here on BNN, your home for the mind control you need.  Today we’re honored to have a rare glimpse into the mind of one of the lower level minions who make the New World Disorder possible. We’re having a candid chat with Herald Caine, a drone operator, who murders and destroys for everyone’s favorite violent cult, the U.S. military.  (turns to drone operator) Mr. Caine, welcome to the show!   

Drone Operator:  It sure is exciting to be here! I’m usually stuck in a dark corner, at the controls, ya know.    

Brainwashing Tool:  You’ll certainly receive some praise from our ignorant audience! They love their dupes! Ok, so I’d like to start off with your background and how you came to be an order-following killer.  Was there anything significant in your childhood that influenced your choice to join the Department of Death as a high-tech terrorist?

Drone Operator:  Oh, sure.  I was destined to do what I do now.  I won a lot of video game tournaments as a child.    

Brainwashing Tool:  What games specifically?

Drone Operator:  Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto!   

Brainwashing Tool:  So it was a natural progression to kill for real.   

Drone Operator (puzzled):  I guess.  Uh, never really thought about it.    

Brainwashing Tool:  Not surprising! So I’m sure our passive consumers of information watching the show really wanna know, when you’re given a target, do you know exactly who or what the target is?

Drone Operator:  Oh, no, they’d never tell me that!

Brainwashing Tool:  Who are ‘they’?

Drone Operator:  My commanders, duh!

Brainwashing Tool:  Ah, yes, of course, the mind-controlled cog who you imagine has power over you and absolves you of responsibility for your actions.    

Drone Operator:  Huh?

Brainwashing Tool:  So you could be blowing up a school, a hospital, or a power plant, with untold numbers of innocent people inside, without even knowing it?

Drone Operator (shrugs):   Well, I dunno about that.  Maybe.  Can’t worry about those kinds of things in the heat of battle.    

Brainwashing Tool:  The heat of battle?  Pardon me if I’m wrong, but, don’t you sit in a cozy, air-conditioned facility, thousands of miles away, with coffee and other comforts?

Drone Operator:  That doesn’t make my job any easier.  Hell, I’ve only been doing this for four years, and I’ve got back problems from sitting in a chair all day! 

Brainwashing Tool (feigning sympathy):  That is a hard pill to swallow.  Tell me, what do you find to be the most difficult aspect of your evil job?

Drone Operator:  Boredom.

Brainwashing Tool:  Boredom?

Drone Operator:  Yep.  Without a doubt.  Ya see, we spend lots of time just waiting around for our next target.    

Brainwashing Tool:  How do you cope?

Drone Operator:  Well, we have our own little version of ‘battle bots’, ya might say.  What we do is, for example, if there are 2 or 3 of us in close proximity, we’ll fight each other.  Sometimes we’ll have shootouts.  Other times we’ll just ram each other midair.   

Brainwashing Tool:  Those machines must be pretty tough!

Drone Operator:  Yep, tougher than ya might think.  And sometimes we’ll have hunting competitions.  We like to see who can kill the most vultures.   

Brainwashing Tool:  Wow! So you’ve actually killed vultures with hellfire missiles?

Drone Operator:  Sometimes.  Other drones have lasers, or automatic weapons.  It’s always luck of the draw.  (starts cackling)

Brainwashing Tool:  Please, share your thoughts that are provoking your sadistic cackle!

Drone Operator:  I was just thinkin about this one time I blew up a vulture.  One of its parts flew so far, it landed in this guy’s soup in a nearby town.

Brainwashing Tool:  Talk about a hole-in-one!

Drone Operator:  Lucky shots happen sometimes.  I just wish they’d let me have the surveillance footage so I could put it on youtube.    

Brainwashing Tool:  Mr. Caine, you’re still very young.  Have you thought about what you might do in the future, after your wanton, extortion funded violence is completed?

Drone Operator:  Sure have.  I really want to join Captain Kirk on the Starship Enterprise.  That’s what I want.    

Brainwashing Tool (cringing):  Uh, hmmmm….you do know that Star Trek is fiction, right? It’s not real life.    

Drone Operator (angry):  What are you tryin to say? You sayin I’m not good enough?

Brainwashing Tool:  No, I would never say that.  Ummm….do you have any different aspirations after you stop receiving violence-backed federal reserve notes for your skynet activities?

Drone Operator:  Well, I also thought about working on the domestic side, maybe as a drone operator for the police. 

Brainwashing Tool:  Yes, I’m sure that business will be booming by the time you leave your current cult.  However, have you ever thought that maybe one day the drones will be autonomous? That would put you out of a job, wouldn’t it?

Drone Operator (smug):  Nah, that can’t happen to me.

Brainwashing Tool (mildly stunned):  So your state of denial runs deeper than I previously thought.  Well, Mr. Caine, it’s been very interesting speaking with such an ignorant rights-violator.  I’m sure our audience ate it up and reinforced their morally-relativistic belief structure! Thanks for joining us. (turns to face camera) That’s all for tonight, folks! Stay tuned for more mind-control messages here on BNN! 

Thanks for your time and attention!

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