Wanderlust

in #fiftywords6 years ago (edited)

He'd drawn her portrait, in the last good light before the sun dipped behind the trees. "I've been thinking ..." he'd said, hatching his wanderlust plan and tone into her portrait.

That drawing hangs here now, on another continent's wall. He enters the room.

"I've been thinking ..." she smiles.


Pic CC0

This is my entry in this week's #fiftywords challenge. As the name suggests, the challenge is to write a story of 50 words or under based on the weekly prompt. This week's prompt word is #hatch.

If you wanna play along you've got till this Saturday 12th May US time (which means early AM if you're in Australia like me). Make sure you use fiftywords as a tag and check out the rules and post your link in @jayna's post @here.

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Now if I’m allowed to say this, that’s just plain evil and I like how subtly woven in this is.

You are allowed to say whatever you wish, dear sir. Where be the evil ye speak of here? The lust to wander?

I don’t know, emphasizing “I’ve been thinking” twice over be a bit spooky. Then again I am and still am tipsy, so probably misread or skipped a section.

Oh, okay. Well, the first time he is about to suggest they up and move to another country. And now they have, and it is some time later, and now she is the one about to suggest they move to yet another country :)

Happy tippling.

Yeah, I just caught on a second reading. Hope she gets her dreams met! Anyways, I hope this gets expanded upon. Happy drinkin’ to you as well.

I had to read that twice to get it - i like that... Made me think..

Thank you. I'm glad you got it! I've been worrying it was too obscure.

A little obscurity is good in my opinion... Make people think a little..

Oh, my. Wow! This is a great piece of micro-flash fiction, Sue-stevenson. Love it!

Oh thank you. That makes me happy!

oooh this is cool! and something I wish I was part of....

Me too. Wandering the world. And yay, you're here! 💙

Very nice! Is this your first 50-word story, @sue-stevenson?

I love this opening:

He'd drawn her portrait, in the last good light...

That is beautiful.

I admit, I read the comments before commenting myself, hoping for an explanation so I could better understand your intent. I agree with others that it being a little obscure is fine. It definitely made me do a second reading. That is one of the things I love about 50-word stories: you almost always get something more out of them if you read them a second time. Thanks for sharing the inside view. That's a really neat back-story.

Thanks, Jayna! Yep, it is my first 50-word story and am looking forward to playing again.

It's funny with writing obscurish stuff online, isn't it. There's always this paranoia lingering when you imagine people flicking past your stuff because it's too much work. But in the end, I guess people can't worry too much about whether their writing is too heavy or too dense or too obscure or whatever if that's how they write.

I like that I can tell how freespirited these two are. Well done.

It must be the wanderlust in my own heart, but I had no trouble at all catching your drift on the first read... and it made me smile, broadly! :D

Thank you for this delightfully hopeful story. In my fevered imagination, she's been thinking about the two of them emigrating to Mars.... ;)

😄😇😄

@creatr

Well, I guess it is the destination for the extreme wanderluster, isn't it!

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