My Entry into Finish the Story Contest Week 51 The Devisal of Mr. Dankworth

in #finishthestory5 years ago (edited)

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Hello,

I am back to take a shot at one of the favorite contest. Finish the Story I had missed a few weeks and this time I gave up some sleep to get it done. First I will start with a nice intro to a story and then I will finish it up. I went a little dark this week hope you like it.

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The Devisal of Mr. Dankworth
by @gaby-crb and @calluna

The familiar ping jerked through my morning haze, the signal of a new email arriving in my inbox, blared from my laptop. I hastily tapped at the volume. My fingers circled around the warm mug in my hand, the hot brush of steam warning me not to take a sip yet. I checked the screen, 16 new emails already this morning. Working from home had seemed so much easier, I never liked the office, or being out on the road, at least at home I had my own brand of coffee, and my cat Neelix, but the emails never stopped.

I cleared through the top 10 as spam, another 5 were easily filed, the last however caught my attention. My eyes focused on the sender name, I hastily placed my mug on the table and clicked the email. The sound of the news playing on the TV melted into the background, even the smell of my burning toast didn't interrupt my focus.

Good day,

My name is Michael Kent, I am the personal attorney and sole executor to my late client, Mr. Ian Dankworth, who shares the same surname with you.

After the death of my client, in an automobile incident, in the year 2007, the bank contacted me to provide his next of kin to inherit his fortune, totaling Thirty-Seven Million Bruvna ($37,000,000.00) according to the existing bank records.

I have written several letters to his country embassy with the intent of locating any of his immediate or extended family who will stand as the next of kin and all my efforts have been to no avail.

I have received official letters from the board of directors of the holding bank in the last few weeks suggesting a likely precedent for the confiscation of his abandoned personal assets in line with existing laws, therefore I have been issued a 30 working days ultimatum to provide his next of kin or forfeit the deposit.

From my professional experience, I can use any and all legal means available to re-profile and present you as the next of kin to my deceased client since you share his surname, this would enable you to put a claim to the funds on our behalf.

Please kindly indicate your interest by responding to this email so we can discuss further.

Yours sincerely,
Barr. Michael Kent

I glanced at the scuffed bag by the door, I had known Mr. Kent would contact me eventually. I was the last person in the country with the surname Dankworth. As my eyes read over the email again, I laughed to myself, this had been easier than I initially thought.

Neelix stalked past the black bag, rubbing up against it, he then stopped and pulled out his claws, pulling at the plastic material.

I stood up fast in an attempt to scare him, knocking my coffee over my laptop in the process. I swore and grabbed at some tissues, watching as the black liquid slowly absorbed. I would forever be cleaning up my own mess.

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I had learned that Mr. Kent was not above lying to make money. As it happens I was not above killing. Anyone with the last name Dankworth was aware of Ian. That he had no children of his own. I had to make sure that I was the only one left if I hoped to collect. My connection was weak.

The first time you kill someone it is hard. But by the third, it isn’t. There had been 7 others I had to deal with. Ian had made would have made 8. It was time to meet Mr. Kent. I set up a meeting at a local cafe and he confirmed right away.

Lunch went well. I had brought with me al the papers Mr. Kent would need. He wanted 40%, I let him have 25%. He left and told me it would just a few days before the bank would want to meet to confirm with me.

I picked up the black bag and walked into my room. I took out my trinkets. First, there was a coin from one's pocket. Then the matchbook that had been in the pocket of number two. Three and four were with him the only family of the bunch. I opened it to see the three matches left. Five was the first to fight back. I rubbed a small scar on hand. I made six look like an accident. Seven had offered to disappear. I held his jack pin in my hand.

Ian was more complicated. He was rich and famous even an accident would be looked into. Then fate smiled on me. I had checked google news that morning like always. Ian Dankworth was dead was the top story. I could still remember that moment, the glee that filled me up.

The meeting with the bankers went as well as it could. No one wanted to give up that much money but they could not deny me. Mr. Kent had done his job and the paperwork was perfect. It would take a few days but the money was mine. We headed to a coffee shop after.

“How does it feel to get away with it?”

“Excuse me, Mr. Kent?”

“Oh come one now did you really think that Ian had an accident?”

“What are you talking about Mr. Kent?”

“Did you think that no one noticed that Dankworth’s had gone missing. That one died in an accident. I saw what was happening. I knew Ian was next but then it stopped. So I helped a little.”

“Mr. Kent I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“I have seen that pin on your coat before on Ian’s cousin. I know it was you.”

“So you are also willing to kill for money it seems.”

“We do what we must.

With that Mr. Kent left. I never saw him again. Then again I never saw anyone I didn’t want to.

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Thank you guys glad I had some times to give it a shot.

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What a great story - love the way you describe things :)

Thanks for checking it out.

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Woah the ending is intense so it wasn't really an accident but planned to look like it, a twist in the end.

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Ya I had to step away to figure out how to end it. I think I did a okay ending

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Awww yes! I was so happy when I saw you were back and oh my word, back with a vengeance <3

Your two open sentences, bam. You really know how to make an entrance and get someone dying to find out what happens, and then you continue, your opening paragraph is just a wonderful example of addressing the elements of the first half ready to build on them, you draw your lines in the dirt for what proves to be one hell of ending.

You just continue with these amazing, direct punchy sentences

The first time you kill someone it is hard. But by the third, it isn’t.

bam, right in the gut. I really enjoyed the story you tell here, the dark turns you don't shy away from are delightful. The exchange between Kent and Dankworth over coffee, the undercurrent between them... did Kent kill Ian Dankworth... or did fate really move her hand. Then how you end it, he very much has got away with it, and now you have me thinking about it, seven murders to never have see someone I didn't want to again doesn't sound like such a crazy high price haha

Very glad you made it to this round, hope you get chance to catch us again (or maybe even tell a story to me - I know that may be hoping for too much, but can't blame a girl for hoping haha )

Yes I am glad to be back and thanks for the kind words. I need to try that tell me a story I have an idea in my head just need to start writing it soon.

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Ok, so the last line won me over :) This guy is so bad, he's funny. Well told @stever82.

Thanks man

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Happy to have you back to writing with us, Steve!

I had learned that Mr. Kent was not above lying to make money. As it happens I was not above killing.

Right from the start you had me chuckling at one criminal acknowledging another. Having the secrets within the black bag being the collected remembrances from the murders was a wonderfully creepy (and realistic to the reports of those who've committed multiple homicides) touch!

Then you gave us the great reveal that Kent was not only one to abuse his role as the executor, but decided to chip in with the dirty work for his piece of the action. Fairly clever on his part though, he should have considered the consequences of revealing his hand to the protagonist.

~Bris

Thank you a lot for all that. It was fun to get into this again.

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