Stuff to get out of my chest | Free falling
📷 © @zoexantelamv
I'm starting this paragraphs with nothing but a slight hope of feeling a bit better when I get to "the end". Although this will be posted on my blog, it is being written for no one's eyes but my own. Therefore, I think I should apologize in advance to the occasional reader that could come across this because it will probably make no sense at all.
Another night of little sleep. For a while now, bedtime has been accompanied by the horrible sensation of drowning every time I lay down. The fear of time running out, crawling inside my throat. The surrounding darkness that comes with the kind of loneliness one experiences when having no comforting embraces. Pitch-black.
I have struggled with the friendship concept for way too long. I honestly don't know how to make it work, and I surely should stop expecting anything from anyone. There are those tiny moments when I can actually see things shifting and that there is no going back. And there is nothing to do. What is unrequited should be obliterated; that tends to be the final decision of the strongest of my many internal voices.
Despite the shackles and trammels that my mind has been dragging all the way up and down, there is in me a genuine desire of keeping the small flame lightened. I will continue to relentlessly bump my head and body to the bars until I find an exit door.
What a somber, dreary freewriting, am I right?
I love you, my unique Zoe.
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Thank you for the support. Keep up with the amazing work!
We all have struggles. I would never be brave enough to put them online and I admire that you found the strength to do so. I hope that you will feel better.
Thank you for your kind words!