Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes Part 58
Good day, my fellow Steemers and Whalesharers! This is the 58th part of my series post about local Filipino jokes which I have translated for people of the English language. Please read and pick the ones you like best from this post series. Tell me in the comments section on why you liked it.
I think nobody in Steemit and Whaleshares has done this kind of post series before. So I took it upon myself to do it even if you think it might not be popular or profitable. I just wanted to be the first to do this kind of thing. It would be up to you to decide, my fellow readers, if I was successful or not.
There are still a lot more Filipino local jokes that we need to be translating. These jokes are the products of the Filipinos' creativity, ingenuity, and love of social drinking.
Read and enjoy!
Smoke
Tim always notices that his friend, Ben, was always coughing.
TIM: Buddy, I already told you to stop smoking. It is bad for your lungs. Now, look at you coughing.
BEN:(Coughing) No, I can't stop. It relaxes me...
TIM: Why don't you stop and take menthol candy instead?
BEN:(Coughing) No, I can't stop. I don't like candy!
TIM: Why not? Menthol candy is a safe substitute!
BEN:(Coughing) I can't light a smoke with candy!
The kidnapping
KIDNAPPER: Transfer to us 1 MILLION USD in BTC or you'll never see your child again!
FATHER: Please, I only got 500,000 USD!
KIDNAPPER: Are you stupid??? Are you deaf??? We want a MILLION!
FATHER: How about HALF A MILLION?
KIDNAPPER: Deal!
The smart rooster
John loved to gamble at cockfighting. He took it as a hobby to raise fighting game cocks. One day, as he was feeding these roosters, one of them spoke.
TALKING ROOSTER: Give me a match! Give me a match!
John was surprised and happy. His luck was about to change! He immediately sold everything that he had and traveled with his talking rooster to the country's largest cockpit arena.
He bet everything on his talking rooster to fight against the country's champion cock. A big, menacing rooster that killed 69 birds before with zero loss. Now the fight is about to begin and John's destiny will change forever.
TALKING ROOSTER: I won't commit suicide! I won't commit suicide!
The talking rooster ran and ran until it was cut down by the champion cock.
The expert at scents
NICK: Mr. Blind Man, I heard that your an expert at identifying scents.
BLIND MAN: Of course! We blind guys compensate our loss of sight with our enhanced sense of smell!
NICK: Can I test you? If you are right for the third time then I'll give you 50 bucks.
BLIND MAN: Bring it on!
NICK: What is cooking right across the street now?
BLIND MAN: The barbeque restaurant is roasting chicken right now!
NICK: Correct! Great, can you tell from my breath what I had for lunch?
BLIND MAN: You had beef noodles for lunch and you drank it down with beer!
NICK: Bullseye! Last one...The vehicle parking near us now. What is it carrying?
A van parked in front of a grocery store was unloading boxes of fresh fish.
BLIND MAN: He-he. You naughty boy...That's the scent of private intimate flesh we men go crazy over! Hello, GIRLS!
Lottery winner
John was so happy that he won more than 10 million at the lottery.
JOHN:(Shouting) Honey, pack up your bags! I won the lottery!
WIFE: Wow! What shall I bring?
JOHN: I don't care! Just get out of my life!!!
Translated from Source: http://www.jokespinoy.com/
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