Key West Man Set To Part With Lifelong Companion, At White House Request
William Southold | Opinion Columnist |The Southold Report
“Speaking fiction to power one story at a time.”
FL Governor Ron DeSantis has the White House’s ear on this one, and Trump is taking his advice. DeSantis, himself, told the president about what he termed a “state natural resource” - the entertainers at the Sundown Ceremony each evening in Key West. One of those entertainers is now headed to the White House.
Gordo Zarsachian, longtime resident and familiar sight to anyone visiting Key West, will soon be parting with his “significant other”, his pet parrot, Zoey.
For almost as long as anyone there can remember, Zarch and Zoey have been a mainstay of the local scene, to some a Key West icon, as they saunter together down Duval St. or put in their daily appearances at the Sunset Celebration, the nightly arts festival at Mallory Square Dock.
“It will be very sad both of us,” Mr. Zarsachian told me, “but they give me so much money, I must do”. He is referring to the multi-thousand dollar offer made to him by the White House. “And President promise he take care Zoey himself!”
“This will be a big boost to not only Trump’s image with his base, but his self image as well,” one White House aide said hopefully when I called there to this out. “He needs both right now.”
So what is so unique about this parrot? Why do tourists flock to see him? Anyone who has caught their act can tell you - Zoey is his parrot savant.
Their act is not so much an act as a rolling improve show - upon request, Zarch is able to teach Zoey to repeat words, and at times whole phrases, on the spot. Each evening some of the largest crowds on Mallory Square will gather around them, as members of the audience eagerly fork over $5 apiece to suggest something for Zarch to coax Zoey into repeating. With an almost 100% success rate, the crowd invariably thunders appreciative laughter and applause.
So why has Trump insisted that he have Zoey at the White House? For news conferences. Once Zoey arrives Trump plans to hold every news conference with Zoey at his side. When Trump doesn’t want to answer a question he will prompt Zoey to utter one of his pre-taught insults to the reporter who has asked the question.
“Trump is over the moon about this,” the aide told me. “This brings his ability to insult the press to a whole new level. He can hardly wait to say, ‘You heard the bird’.”
Arrangements are now being made to transport both Zarch and Zoey to Washington on Air Force One for a handover ceremony in the Rose Garden.
Central News Service, proudly bringing you the fakest news anywhere, featuring our very own Pulitzer Prize winning Fake Newsman, William Southold
(CNS Disclaimer: Mr. Southold has in no way won the Pulitzer Prize.)
Mr. Zarsachian will bid goodbye to his parrot Zoey in White House Ceremony