Back in my day... (Halloween edition)

in #funny6 years ago (edited)

I haven't checked the statistics lately. However, the last time I did, the average age on steemit was 30 years old. Therefore, at 46, I am one of the old men of steemit. As an elder statesman, every once and in a while, I consider it t is my duty to get all grumpy and grumble about how much better things were in "my day".

Maybe I'm not quite old enough yet. This week, I wanted to get all crotchety about how much better Halloween was when I was a kid. Then I realized that it wasn't.



I get that the one thing is The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The yellow one is a Plague Doctor, but what is the green one? Only if it had the name written across the chest!

Halloween in the 1980s super sucked compared to what I saw this week.

First of all, back in my day, you were guaranteed to receive at least three popcorn balls, four pounds of candy corn, and enough Bit-O-Honey to ensure that your dentist would be able to buy at least two new boats that year. And that isn't even counting the rock hard Pal Bubble gum, flavorless candy cigarettes (seriously people gave those to kids) , and whatever the Hell was in those plain black and orange wrappers (And I am not swearing here. I really mean that they serve that unidentifiable candy in Hell).



Welcome to Hell. Enjoy the only dessert you will ever taste again! Mwa ha ha ha ha!

You know what my kids got when they went trick-or-treating earlier this week?

Name brand candy!


Tons of it! When I was a kid, if you got one Snickers you rubbed it in your friends' faces, saved it for last and savored it like it were the finishing touch on your last meal. Earlier this week, I saw a kid drop a Snickers... and he didn't even go back for it! He had 30 others in his bag. It would have just slowed him down.

My kids actually got a few full-sized candy bars. And we don't even live in a rich neighborhood! When I was a child there were legends of neighborhoods across town where the full-sized candy bars flowed like sustenance coming straight from Amalthea's Cornucopia. But we never dared go. In order to get there, we would have to sit in the way back of those death trap paneled station wagons. No way we were risking that.



Yes. We used to think this was a good idea. By the way, what it wrong with these kids? They are wasting a prime bird-flipping opportunity.

Pffff! Of course we would risk that! It is just that none of our parents were going to drive us to another neighborhood across town. Those death wagons got like 6 miles to the gallon and gas was a whopping $1.32 in 1981! I may have asked my mom to drive us once. I think she responded with, "No way! Just go and enjoy your Circus Peanuts, Mary Janes, and Good & Plenty. Back in my day, all we got were apples, sawdust, and grass clippings."

But my kids got some of those babies just by walking around our block. It was enough to make me want to go and put on a costume and get some for myself.

And there is another thing...

Costumes!


Back in my day, the costumes sucked as bad as a Mork and Mindy episode after Mearth joined the cast. Like every other boy in 1981 I was a huge Star Wars fan (big shock I know). Everyone wanted to be Boba Fett that year. Being the spoiled brat I was, I got my wish. Here's what I got:



You know what the real Boba Fett doesn't have on his chest? A picture of himself! He also doesn't have a belt with his name on it.

So that was the best Boba Fett costume available to me in 1981. Do you want to see the worst one available today?



$19 at wholesalehalloweencostumes.com. So this is what would get you made fun of today. "Your mom had to buy you the "Standard" costume. Couldn't afford the extra $7 for the "Deluxe". But this is awesome compared to mine!

At least Boba Fett wears a helmet. Therefore, that mask wasn't too ridiculous. It looked cheap and lame, but at least it made sense.

A couple of years earlier, I was Luke Skywalker...



Was this Luke Skywalker or Eric Stoltz as Rocky Dennis? I still have no idea.

How something can be so lame and terrifying at the same time is beyond me. Yet somehow they pulled it off. Lucky me.

Here's the worst part about it. I had blond hair and it was styled like Luke's (it was the late 70s... and apparently my mom thought I was a girl).



For a mere $14 I could have rocked this costume so hard!

I freaking looked just like Luke! Why I covered up my perfectly good face with that lead paint covered mask is beyond me.

This Halloween, I saw kids wearing Godzilla costumes that you blow up with air. There were perfect Spider-Man and Batman costumes. Some girls looked exactly like Elsa, Moana or Rey. My own son rubbed it in my face with a perfect Tusken Raider costume... that was cheap as hell. We didn't even need to leave our home to get him an awesome Sand Person costume complete with a gaffi stick.

Now some people might be thinking, "Oh that is a huge step back. Where is the creativity? Its so easy to get something store bought." But kids still have the option to make their own. That choice wasn't taken away just because super awesome costumes are now easily obtainable. In fact, last year, my son was a "Gonk Droid" from Star Wars. He made his costume out of cardboard boxes and some garden irrigation tubes.

I too enjoyed a homemade costume or two when I was young. One of my favorite was a pirate costume which consisted of my mom's puffy red blouse, Culottes, high heel lace up boots, a ton of costume jewelry necklaces, and a big hoop earring.


Screen Shot 2017-11-02 at 9.05.24 PM.png
Still 10 times more manly than I looked.

OMG!


When I was 11 my mom let made me go as a crossdresser.*

Back in my day... Halloween sucked!

Images1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

*Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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Halloween has only just picked up momentum here in Australia so I never got to go as a child. I love being able to take my kids around the block and dress them up in scary costumes. That being said I still have plenty of unfortunate looking photos from other occasions to look back and have a giggle.

those are some really shitty costumes man.. especially the yoda mask...it looks so messed up XD

I really don’t mean to sound too preachy but I try to keep my blog an “r-word” free zone. If you want to know why, please check this out.

https://steemit.com/life/@hanshotfirst/spread-the-word-to-end-the-word

done, my apologies :)

You are awesome! That was very cool of you!

I'm right up there with you my brotha! Born in the 70's, Child of the 80's, and a 90's teen. I remember those plastic costumes well. They sucked! The plastic masks would cut into your face, you could't see out of the eye holes, and the inside would get wet from breathing into them. Yet they were totally awesome! Kids today have no idea what halloween used to be like. There were no rules, no adults, and we would stay out way past dark. Halloween was dangerous, that's the way it was, and that's the way we liked it!

Here I am with my brother; I'm in the Yoda costume, the same exact one you have pictured above.

THE 80's!!!
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When I was a kid we heard of this weird occurrence in the americas where children would knock on the doors of strangers and be given actual real FREE sweets!! To keep!! 🤤 Jealousy ensued 😑

Lol! Yeah I honestly do realize how lucky I was/am. I was just using this as an excuse to laugh about some of my costumes I wore as a kid.

Hi @hanshotfirst first i will have to say sir because being in your 40s is quite a feat, and i must say it really was fun enjoying halloween in your days being young with all the experiences you narrated.

I love this sir thank you for writting

@josediccus pfft if being in your 40s is quite a feat then I'm an overachiever Son 😉

Hi there @methusaleh It is sir. Because when you age you get opportunities to relate your experiences

I'm sorry to hear that... well, Halloween isn't that awesome in my country either... even until now.. It's not something that everyone celebrates... :) There are some companies and homeowners who celebrate it... but in my place... Zero... just another ordinary day... hahaha xDD But I love putting on Halloween makeups... ^^ Here's what I did a couple years ago...

12189526_10207864835808314_8410741411328058569_n.jpg

PS: Just make up... no costume.. hahah xDD and I just stayed at home... my online English students were quite surprised though.. haha xD

Nice costume! How do you get pictures in comments? I can’t figure it out.

Hello! thanks... it's pretty much the same with posting pictures on your post... If it's from your PC, simply drag it to the comment box... if it's from a website, just copy image and paste it on the comment box. However, be mindful of the size... would be better to set it to a smaller one...

Halloween always brings back great memories. I recall as a child going door-to-door asking for candy it was such an amazing time it' still brings a smile to my face when Halloween comes around just watching a young kid :-) you have my vote

As a young guy of Steemit (21), this was a hilarious post! Costumes have changed so dramatically, and it's pretty comical to see the differences. I do feel for your Halloween PTSD, however.

You are definitely not old...because that will mean I am too.....and I am not old so you aren't either...

In real life we are spring chickens! But in steemit years...

I enjoyed your post a lot! :) It brought a lot of memories from my childhood, despite the fact that back in the 80s, Halloween was not celebrated in Bulgaria.

Halloween isn't celebrated in Nigeria too but I also understand his post. Funny and interesting at the same time.

That’s great! You got the point if this. It was Ann excuse to reminisce and smile.

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