#8-Laughing my ass off big time. Some of my favorite quotes, jokes,motivation and true stories that I have created over my life time plus others.My best yet.
Posting daily 5 quotes, jokes, motivational and true stories.
What type of bee makes milk?
Answer at bottom of page.
A man looks at himself in the mirror and doesn't like what he sees. He is fat, unfit, older looking and unhealthy. He decides to do something about it. He spots an ad in his local paper. The ad states the following : "We guarantee that you will lose weight and become a lot more healthier. Try one of our four fast track packages to a healthier YOU"
Packages :$100 = Lose 5 kg, $200 = Lose 10 kg, $500 = Lose 20 kg, $1000 = Lose 30 kg
The man can't believe how good this company sounds but decides to forge ahead. He rings the company to order the cheapest option of $100. Early the next day, there is a knock on his door. He answers the door and standing before him is an attractive older woman and a blonde bomb shell of a woman with Marilyn Monroe features. Older woman ask "Are you Mr Wilson?" Wilson replies with an affirmative. She continues "Mr Wilson, as per our agreement. We guarantee that you will lose 5 kg. You have 1 hour to try to catch little Missy here, provided you stay within the confines of your house. If you do catch Missy, you can have your way with her for however minutes remaining from your allotted hour. YOUR TIME STARTS NOW!"
Suddenly Missy bolts through the door, Wilson chases her through the kitchen, down into the lounge, over a table and over his bed. Finally after 16 minutes he finally catches her in the laundry. He picks her up and places her sensual ass on to the washing machine and makes sweet passionate love for the remaining minutes. Exactly at the hour mark, there is a knock at the door. The older woman "so this concludes our business. Tonight Mr Wilson at mid-night, check your weight, you should be 5 kg lighter." Sure enough that night, Wilson does check his weight and to his amazement, he really has lost 5 kg and feeling so much better.
Several days pass and Wilson has recovered from his exertion. He starts to wonder what would the better packages entail? He orders the $200 special. Sure enough the next day a familiar knock on the door. The older woman is standing in front of a stunning red head with a ripping body. Old woman "Mr Wilson, you know the routine, YOUR TIME STARTS NOW! Beautiful red head bolts through the door and Wilson filled with lust gives chase.Up and over furniture, down through the hallway, through the bathroom. Finally Wilson catches her in his bedroom with 29
minutes to spare. He makes rough and uncompromising love to the red headed scarlet with the softest skin that he has ever experienced. Later that night he weighs himself and lo and behold he has lost a further 10 kg. Several days pass once more and Wilson just can't believe his luck. Not only is he feeling fantastic, looking much younger, filled with energy but he has just had some of the best sex ever. He decides that he will try the $500 special and makes the call. Sure enough, the next day the all too familiar knock on the door. Standing behind the older woman is an Amazonian woman with the most whitest pale skin and muscles ripping and glistering against the sunshine. She is a goddess of a woman, a once in a lifetime encounter, a man's dream woman. Wilson is left with his mouth gaping at this true gem of a woman. He is filled with anticipation and eager to engage...no sooner than the old woman uttered the words "Start now", Wilson was off! Tearing away furniture, huge jumps and bounds, his legs
have never moved so fast in the entirety of his life. He is finding it difficult to keep up with this most amazing athletic woman but with every ounce of strength and the last of his adrenaline he finally catches her with 14 minutes to spare. He savors every one of those 14 minutes and becomes lost in her embrace, this time he is slow with his lovemaking. Studying every nook and cranny of this goddess master piece, recording every detail to be locked away in his brain for future reference. He traps himself in this moment of time in the hope that it will never end. Alas, the inevitable knock on the door at the agreed 1 hour mark jerks him back to reality. This is one of the most happiest moments that Wilson has ever experienced. To his surprise, he does lose a further 20 kilograms.
Several days pass once again. He can not believe his luck. A week of the best sex and he looks and feels amazing. He decides that he should try the final package. This would definitively get him down to his target weight and the sex is sure to blow his mind. He calls to book the final package. Next day, the all too familiar knock on the door. Wilson opens the door. To his surprise, standing behind the old woman is an 8 foot gorilla.
Old woman, " Mr Wilson, this is Brute. If he catches you within the next hour, he will have his way with you. YOUR TIME STARTS NOW!"
If a woman was 5 feet 4 inches tall,blonde, had 40 DD breast and approximately 30 years of age. What would the distance be between her two nipples? Answer at bottom of page.
My grand children to me; "Pop what hand do you use to wipe your ass?" I reply, "I use my right hand." My grand children break out in the most rancorous and boisterous laughter. I ask them, "What the hell is so bloody funny!?" Their reply,
"Cause we use toilet paper!"
Answers:
How the fuck would I know? Never been with a blonde, 5 foot 4 inch woman with 40 DD breast aged around 30 years old. I was hoping that one of you could find out at one point and answer my question. LOL!
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** Images sourced from Pixabay**
If you liked any of the jokes please check out my other post
The man can't believe how good this company sounds but decides to forge ahead. He rings the company to order the cheapest option of $100. Early the next day, there is a knock on his door. He answers the door and standing before him is an attractive older woman and a blonde bomb shell of a woman with Marilyn Monroe features. Older woman ask "Are you Mr Wilson?" Wilson replies with an affirmative. She continues "Mr Wilson, as per our agreement. We guarantee that you will lose 5 kg. You have 1 hour to try to catch little Missy here, provided you stay within the confines of your house. If you do catch Missy, you can have your way with her for however minutes remaining from your allotted hour. YOUR TIME STARTS NOW!"
Suddenly Missy bolts through the door, Wilson chases her through the kitchen, down into the lounge, over a table and over his bed. Finally after 16 minutes he finally catches her in the laundry. He picks her up and places her sensual ass on to the washing machine and makes sweet passionate love for the remaining minutes. Exactly at the hour mark, there is a knock at the door. The older woman "so this concludes our business. Tonight Mr Wilson at mid-night, check your weight, you should be 5 kg lighter." Sure enough that night, Wilson does check his weight and to his amazement, he really has lost 5 kg and feeling so much better.
Several days pass and Wilson has recovered from his exertion. He starts to wonder what would the better packages entail? He orders the $200 special. Sure enough the next day a familiar knock on the door. The older woman is standing in front of a stunning red head with a ripping body. Old woman "Mr Wilson, you know the routine, YOUR TIME STARTS NOW! Beautiful red head bolts through the door and Wilson filled with lust gives chase.Up and over furniture, down through the hallway, through the bathroom. Finally Wilson catches her in his bedroom with 29 minutes to spare. He makes rough and uncompromising love to the red headed scarlet with the softest skin that he has ever experienced. Later that night he weighs himself and lo and behold he has lost a further 10 kg. Several days pass once more and Wilson just can't believe his luck. Not only is he feeling fantastic, looking much younger, filled with energy but he has just had some of the best sex ever. He decides that he will try the $500 special and makes the call. Sure enough, the next day the all too familiar knock on the door. Standing behind the older woman is an Amazonian woman with the most whitest pale skin and muscles ripping and glistering against the sunshine. She is a goddess of a woman, a once in a lifetime encounter, a man's dream woman. Wilson is left with his mouth gaping at this true gem of a woman. He is filled with anticipation and eager to engage...no sooner than the old woman uttered the words "Start now", Wilson was off! Tearing away furniture, huge jumps and bounds, his legs have never moved so fast in the entirety of his life. He is finding it difficult to keep up with this most amazing athletic woman but with every ounce of strength and the last of his adrenaline he finally catches her with 14 minutes to spare. He savors every one of those 14 minutes and becomes lost in her embrace, this time he is slow with his lovemaking. Studying every nook and cranny of this goddess master piece, recording every detail to be locked away in his brain for future reference. He traps himself in this moment of time in the hope that it will never end. Alas, the inevitable knock on the door at the agreed 1 hour mark jerks him back to reality. This is one of the most happiest moments that Wilson has ever experienced. To his surprise, he does lose a further 20 kilograms.
Several days pass once again. He can not believe his luck. A week of the best sex and he looks and feels amazing. He decides that he should try the final package. This would definitively get him down to his target weight and the sex is sure to blow his mind. He calls to book the final package. Next day, the all too familiar knock on the door. Wilson opens the door. To his surprise, standing behind the old woman is an 8 foot gorilla.
Old woman, " Mr Wilson, this is Brute. If he catches you within the next hour, he will have his way with you. YOUR TIME STARTS NOW!"
If a woman was 5 feet 4 inches tall,blonde, had 40 DD breast and approximately 30 years of age. What would the distance be between her two nipples? Answer at bottom of page.
My grand children to me; "Pop what hand do you use to wipe your ass?" I reply, "I use my right hand." My grand children break out in the most rancorous and boisterous laughter. I ask them, "What the hell is so bloody funny!?" Their reply,
"Cause we use toilet paper!"
Answers:
How the fuck would I know? Never been with a blonde, 5 foot 4 inch woman with 40 DD breast aged around 30 years old. I was hoping that one of you could find out at one point and answer my question. LOL!
If you liked any of the jokes please check out my other post
I liked that you answered 2 questions with one. :)
Why thank you so very, I hope you enjoyed my post!
Of course I did. And now you have a new follower
Thank you and following you in return.
Hahaha.. It's so funny..
Thank you so very much.
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