Posting daily 5 quotes, jokes and true stories.

True story:

During the space race between the Russians and the American's. The Americans had problems with pen's not working in zero gravity. Many years after the cold war, scientist and astronauts/ cosmonauts from both Countries got together to talk over the problems each faced and how they overcame them.

Astronaut to Cosmonaut- "We had a problem with pens not working in space. So we got our very best and brightest scientist to figure out a solution. What they came up with after 3 years and $107 million dollars was the now famous BIRO pen. It can write on any surface, it can be used upside down, in water and functions perfectly in zero gravity. What did your Russian scientist come up as a solution to this problem?"

Cosmonaut to Astronaut -" A PENCIL!"

What is the difference between a rooster and a nyphomanic?

Answer : A rooster goes Cock a doodle doo and a nyphomanic goes " NO THANKS, ANY COCK WILL DO"!

An American, Englishman and an Irishman are on an isolated deserted island after being shipwrecked.

When they come upon a bottle floating close to shore. Upon rubbing the bottle a genie magically appears. The genie grants each man one wish each. The American wishes for " A billion dollars, fame, large ranch, mansions everywhere and to be surrounded by the most beautiful woman". POOF! The genie says "Done and so it is"! The American is happy with his new life. The Englishman wishes for " Noble titles, two billion pounds, a knighthood, an English Castle and Manors all over Britain and a bevvy of beautiful noble woman at my every beck and call" POOF! The genie says "Done and so it is so!" The Englishman is very happy with his new life. Finally, The Irishman, after a long moment of pondering and in deep thought, says " I'M FEELING A LITTLE LONELY AT THE MOMENT, WISH THOSE TWO FELLOWS WERE BACK HERE WITH ME". POOF! AND SO IT IS SO!

Many years later the same genie

appears before a surprised man. Again the genie offers him a solitary single wish. The man after many years of penis envy and living a life embarrassed by his penis length and size says " I want my dick to touch the ground." POOF! Done and so it is," say the genie.

THE GENIE MADE THE MAN'S LEGS DISAPPEAR!

True story :

A man says to a beautiful woman in a bar, "For as long as I have this face, you will always have a place to sit!". The woman replies, "Every time I see your face, all I see is a toilet bowl and all I want to do is take a huge dump!"

I hope you enjoy these jokes/quotes and true stories. Add comments about what you find funny!

Check out my other post :

https://steemit.com/funny/@skytronia/laughing-my-ass-off-big-time-some-of-my-favorite-quotes-jokes-that-i-have-created-over-my-life-time-plus-others-3

https://steemit.com/life/@skytronia/laughing-my-f-king-ass-off-big-time-2

https://steemit.com/vincentb/@skytronia/laughing-my-ass-off-big-time-some-of-my-favorite-quotes-jokes-that-i-have-created-over-my-life-time-plus-others-slap-that-ass

https://steemit.com/funny/@skytronia/hold-on-for-dear-life

Images taken from pixabay, free images, free clipart, fotojet, google images.
Mr Bean from :https://www.google.com.au/search?q=MR+BEAN+IMAGES&dcr=0&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=tBuuczbUBg4rsM%253A%252CHkGYCJ2RQupYMM%252C_&usg=__v-1brN2qdVFvZv1Ha0O-U0vnBWY%3D&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj079Cdgq7ZAhWFn5QKHd-DD5wQ9QEILTAB#imgrc=tBuuczbUBg4rsM:

Small penis from:https://www.google.com.au/search?dcr=0&biw=1364&bih=500&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=h6eIWuLfJcya0gT72Jv4Ag&q=small+penis+images&oq=small+penis+images&gs_l=psy-ab.3...111622.116611.0.117946.21.15.0.0.0.0.637.2353.2-4j1j1j1.7.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..14.5.1889...0j0i67k1j0i7i30k1j0i7i10i30k1j0i8i7i30k1.0.RXKwHSgYYZs#imgrc=5-ItUv9oR-hzMM: