18-year-old Guy Survives 13 years in Forced Indoctrination Camp (Short SATIRE Script)

Announces plans for immediate future as he celebrates with his family.  

Scene:  Parking lot of an extortion-funded gymnasium, just after a strange ritual with caps and gowns.  Mom, dad, and 18-year-old son are having a chat.  

Dad (beaming):  We’re so proud of you, son.
Mom (glowing):  That’s right, so proud.    

Son (wearing graduation cap and gown):  Thanks, mom and dad.
Dad:  You proved that you can regurgitate disconnected information and follow orders just like nearly everyone else.    

Mom:  And sit still consistently.  That’s not easy to do these days.    
Son:  Yeah, memorizing so much stuff for 24 hours and then forgetting it after the test sure was harder than you might think.    

Mom:  Oh, tell me about it! I’ve got a masters degree!
Dad:  So what do you think you’ll do now, son?

Son:  I’m so glad you asked.  I’ve decided to join the mafia!

Mom and dad share proud, emotional glances.    

Dad:  That’s terrific! What branch of the mafia will you go into? The Army? Police? CPS?
Son:  The Marines!

Dad:  Just like me! Wow!
Mom (wiping tears away):  I’m just so proud.

Dad:  Have you been accepted into the mafia yet?
Son:  Sure have! I leave for basic abuse, indoctrination, and obedience training in 2 weeks!

Dad (punches son affectionately on shoulder):  That sure is swell, son.  Maybe soon you’ll be shipped off to a faraway land, where you can murder and plunder with near impunity! And have people thank you for “defending freedom”!

Son:  Yeah, I sure do wanna get into the Middle East soon! And who knows? Maybe one day the mafia dons near the top of the ruling hierarchy will tell me to go attack Russians or Chinese!

Mom:  As long as the fancy-suited people in the corporate media arm of the mafia confirm it, son.    

Dad:  I know I might be jumping ahead a little, but I can’t help it.  What do you think you might do after your time in the Marines branch of the mafia?

Son:  Aw, gee, well….I figure that if I’m not too psychologically damaged after my time in the Marines, then I might switch to a different branch of the mob.  Maybe the DEA, FBI, NSA (hesitates, uncertain)

Dad:  What is it, son? Don’t be shy.  What else?
Son:  Maybe even the CIA!

Mom (gushing):  Destroying Cannabis, throwing people in cages, violating privacy, all in exchange for a bunch of violence-backed federal fraud paper.  All of those mafia branches are so crucial! Way to go, son! (cheery)

Dad:  Another option might be to join a private pirate mafia, like Blackwater.  They pay more violence-backed federal reserve notes to their murderers than other branches do.    

Son:  Thanks, dad.    

Dad (glancing at watch):  Oh, look at the time! We’d better get going so we’re not late for church!  Gotta support both the mafia and Jesus, ya know.    

Random Guy Passing By:  That’s contradictory!

Mom, Dad, and Son run away screaming:  Don’t question our belief system! 

THE END

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