Pardon Me, I thought I was someone else! (Tiny Fictions, Tall Tales and General Malarky from @therealpaul)
Have you ever seen someone that you thought you knew, but when you finally get close enough for a good look, you realize that it wasn't who you thought it was?
Pardon me, I thought you were someone else!
I like to imagine turning that around, saying 'Pardon me... I thought I was someone else!' and since I already write a lot of fiction, tall tales and malarky here, I can safely test it out without getting myself in too much trouble.
The Helicopter
For example; once, I took the controls of an unoccupied helicopter like I knew what I was doing, and very nearly had the thing off the ground and into the air in glorious flight.
I just hopped in, and immediately noticed that the buttons looked just like the ones on my blender. I set it on 'chop', easily found the throttle and located the left and right tail-rotor control pedals down below, and by now a small crowd had gathered around me, yelling and waving their hands.
Ready to fly, I grabbed the gizmo that tilts the blades forward and I nestled into the seat with an expert wiggle, but at the last second, I shut it down and got out to talk to the guys who were yelling and frantically waving at me. I apologized, and I explained to them;
Pardon me, I thought I was someone else!
I'm no pilot, and have never even ridden in a helicopter before.
The Park Bench
Another time, I approached a lady who was sitting on a bench beneath a willow-- a lady who's radiant eyes had captured mine and immersed me into what felt like an eternity-- "M'lady, the radiance of your eyes has captured mine, immersing me into what now feels like an eternity!"
She grabbed her book and scurried away, but not before I told her apologetically;
Pardon me, I thought I was someone else!
The Restaurant
Now that I think about it, there's another one that I made up where there was this young couple at a candlelit table in the back corner who had decided that they knew what they were going to order for dinner. Both smiling, both quite friendly, I told them my name, they placed their order, and I asked the guy if he wanted ranch dressing with his fries.
He had to think about it, but his girlfriend answered for him, and indeed they wanted ranch dressing. This was when their actual waiter appeared, and after a bit of confusion, I explained to all three of them what had happened;
Pardon me... I thought I was someone else!
I admitted that it was peculiar, since I had just walked into this place for the first time, and that I had never waited tables in my life. It was quite awkward and embarrassing for all three of them, as I recall.
That's what would probably happen if I went around thinking that I was someone else. It all seems kinda funny now that I'm looking back, now that I know who I am.
Any similarities in the characters above with actual events or characters is almost certainly your imagination merging with mine in some freaked-out alternate reality, or is the result of a common coincidence occurring in that same parallel universe, or is deja vu or something, because this is all made up fiction, for entertainment purposes only. This is not to be taken as instructions on how to fly helicopters, and @therealpaul takes no responsibility for damages, injuries or death occurring as a result of the improper use of any helicopter by any persons who thought this was a serious post.
Ha haa. I can sort of relate. I once thought I knew what I was doing, but didn't. So I didn't actually get anything done that day. I wonder if I pretended I didn't know what I was doing, I would actually accomplish a whole lot next time. I suppose sometimes the universe is with you, other times it is out on a date, and you are left watching old movies with your cat.
I greatly enjoyed your malarky. Particularly the blender rendition of chopper flying. Cheers
It was just like that, I didn't know what I was doing, and later realized how lucky I was that I didn't have any place to go that day that would require me to fly that helicopter. I thought flying it would be pretty easy to do, but the 'liquify' button was a little intimidating.
O :
Liquefy would definitely give one the jitters up above 700 feet. I'm glad you opted out. We might otherwise be reading about you in other ways, besides classic humor, on the site of Steemit. B.T.W. Do you know what in the world Frappe is? I've always wondered, be it on the dash of an eggbeater in the air, or on my countertop.
I think in aviation terms frappe means punch it but on a kitchen appliance, it's just a setting that makes the food taste more French.
Hee hee. No wonder I didn't know that one. I've never not flown a helicopter in my mind before.
Wow,your imagination !its too good.
I'm just getting started!
So... damages, injuries, or death resulting from the waiter idea or from the park bench one you are taking responsibility for? Because I could see them going just as horribly wrong.
But yes, pretending to be someone else can be quite a bit of fun, especially when it results in confusion on others' part(s?).
I once ran around for an entire day restocking shelves by the local supermarket. Nobody stopped me because of this helpful outfit I'd picked up in the back. Then the person whose outfit I'd stolen found me, and I spent a day in a holding cell.
That was a fun dream. It's always a disappointment when I wake up and I'm still here in this padded room wearing the annoying strappy thing.
I take no responsibility for any park bench injuries that may or may not be received by anyone who says what I said to anyone else-- they should have known better. I definitely take no responsibility for anyone who would make those poor people place their whole order again in that restaurant, that was unforgivable.
Those straps that seem to be holding you down, they are designed to make you safe, to keep you free from danger. They're freedom straps.
Your pickup line was pretty good, that lady should not have ran away!
It was a little too good, maybe!
I like to use my upside down helicopter to mow the grass and I thought you should know that.
The only way I know to turn the chopper upside down is to fly it to Australia, but I don't have any grass down there that needs cutting right now.
I tried flying to Australia last year but my arms got tired. It's far!
I thought there was a big famous pole up there somewhere, I imagined that you guys up there just slide down that pole like Batman to get to Australia. Anyway, if you try flying again, maybe bring along some snacks or energy bars.
I want one
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