CALL OF DUTY AND ME - BEATEN BY MY 5 YEAR OLD GRANDSON! - I CLEARLY DO NOT BELONG IN A WAR ZONE
My grandson, Bennett, was over to spend the night last night. Usually his brother Blaine comes to stay also but this time he was staying at a friends so Bennett was here by himself. The two of them play video games together and since Blaine wasn't here Bennett asked me to stand in and play with him.
Now I do play video games. MarioKart, DK64, Mario64, Legend of Zelda. I'm pretty much faithful to Nintendo and its brands. I've never ventured very far into other systems except to play Jet Moto and Tekken on the first playstation (those games were awesome!). The last time I played a shooter was Goldeneye on the Nintendo64. Still I agree to play with him. I know I'm going to be out of my element but my grandson is 5 so how bad could I be?
This is how bad:
I won't go into particulars about getting set-up but I will say it is a lot more intensive than anything I play. So after 20 minutes of going through characters and weapons I'm finally set for action with a rugged looking fellow and a bad ass gun.
ME - What are we gonna play?
BENNETT - Domination.
M - That sounds hard.
B - It's not hard. We just gotta find the flag and stay by it while we shoot other people.
M - What other people? I thought it was me and you?!
B - They're online.
M - I don't want to play against other people. I don't even know how to play! Can we play just me and you first to see if I'm good?
B - Yup. But we gotta have teams.
M - Like computer teams?
B - Yup.
M - OK. Can we change them to easy?
B - Yup. But it won't be fun. They're too easy.
M - Let's try it first just so I can see.
So we get the game all set up and we start the game. Right away I'm lost!
ME - Why am I jumping?!
BENNETT - You're pressing the jump button.
M - How do I shoot?!
B - The top button.
I'm dead.
I come back.
I'm running and pressing the top button. He lied to me.
ME - Where'd my gun go?!
BENNETT - You turned it off.
M - How'd I turn it off?
B - You pressed Y.
M - You said that was to shoot!
B - The top button is to shoot.
M - That is the top button!!
I'm dead. Again.
I'm back. Again.
ME - Which button is to shoot?
BENNETT - The top button.
M - Show me.
He holds up his controller and shows me the shoulder button.
M - That's the shoulder button.
B - It's not a person.
I'm being schooled by a 5 year old.
And I'm dead. Again.
Yeah, real easy.
So now I've finally got some understanding of the game. I'm running and I'm shooting like a madman. I hit a soldier and he falls down.
ME - I got one!
Dead again.
The screen goes to halftime.
ME - Who am I?
BENNETT - The blue one.
M - That's how many kills I got.
B - Your team got.
I think I just got slammed by my grandson!
M - I'll do better in the second half.
B - Yup.
We start playing the second half and I'm much better than in the first half. I actually got to glimpse the flag before I died this time! I come back from the first death and I get to the flag. I'm doing fairly decent. Then trouble! I'm out of bullets!
ME - Bennett how do I get more bullets?!
BENNETT - Use another gun.
M - How?!!
Dead. Being killed seems to be my strength.
He reminds me that Y changes weapons. I mutter an 'Oh, Yeah'.
Back again, now I am determined to do this right! I run straight to the flag I've been running to (dying 2 more times before reaching it.) Finally I'm there. I'm holding it strong. Then there's an explosion and I see my guy get thrown up against a container.
Dead again. That is when the game mercifully ended.
ME - That's the end? Who one?
BENNETT - I did.
Obviously. His kill count is 174. Mine is 92. I feel little. Very little.
M- I'll kick your butt in the next game.
B - I don't wanna play.
M - Why? Was I that bad?
B - Yup. We can play MarioKart.
That was my first foray into the world of Call of Duty. Shameful. I'm going to have to get some practice in so I can at least redeem myself from this first tragic attempt. Thank you for enjoying my miserable game playing skills. More to come.....
