RE: Gratitude and Positivity - A "Boat's" Perspective
I am sad that you didn't get to enjoy animal connections for so many years, but glad you found them eventually. My animal friends got me through a lot in my younger years and I often wonder where I would be without them.
Do you think there might have been more than just your mixed heritage that made you struggle to fit in? I know it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I never felt I fit in anywhere, but I realise now it was probably more because what seems important to them seems superficial to me. School was probably the nearest I felt to any acceptance and interestingly there was a mixed family there (Pakistan and black) who I now realise probably selected the school for the very reason that the children would struggle to fit in anywhere else. It was a Waldorf school.
Goodness, I know! Ever since meeting Mr. P in Aug 2013, I've started seeing animals appear in my life like they never did before. Even in India, in 2015/16, in the petless-house I grew up, there was a stray cat living, and I had the two precarious little kittens at the office in Delhi to delight me! I wonder where I would've been without the company of Mr. P, Ronnie and Shanti over the past 5 years. I felt I got the kind of emotional comfort and support from them that was missing from big chunks of my life experience. I don't resent not having had animal company as a kid, although it would've made for a very different childhood experience I think :) - I'm just glad to have animals around me now!
Yes absolutely @minismallholding I agree that a sense of alienation and separation is deeply embedded in the collective human experience. My mixed heritage just accelerated the move to the 'outside'. I was at boarding school in India, where as a junior, any attention was bad news and it was to avoided by ducking under the crowd or hiding in a corner. Classmate/peer loyalty was important, and it was only really in this bracket that I made individual friends, a few of whom I still have sporadic contact with. The school was old-fashioned, traditional-colonial and, I imagine, quite far from the relatively elevated ideas of Steiner/Waldorf education (although not as far as Summerhill School, which is the best example of an educational approach I have come across). It's interesting that you say that school was where you felt nearest to acceptance. I think my own lack of feeling of belonging to my family was projected onto my experience of 'groups', and actually continues in some form to this day :)