Dear Diary: Dialysis Time In Three Hours From Now

It is this time again that I will go for my dialysis, it has been 16 years of enduring the times that I have to prepare and go to a place where I do not like because of the torment of the needle piercing unto my skin and the threat of dying unelegantly because of a crashing blood pressure issue.

I just kept on going and going because dying by not getting a dialysis is somewhat more dreadful and agonizing. At first you will get waterlogged and then you will labor in breathing as your lungs slowly fill with water. Then you will get nauseated so much that you are still trying to vomit until you are vomiting green bitter bile.

Then you will be out of your self and manifest of being crazy, it is because the toxins are messing already with your brain. It happened to me once when I was getting dialysis every seven days. It is like when you are thinking of something and you believe that it is true no matter how weird that thought was. Fortunately I survived that peculiar experience which I am telling about right now.

So here I am despite years of having a hard time going back and forth to the dialysis center never ceased because of my fear not from death but from the inconvenience of getting there because of my situation. My body is just a hard nut to crack, I don't know why. While other patients dies like that but I myself kept on going and going. It is either a mercy from God or just a curse for me, either way it is a hard life and my battle rages on until maybe I win it or eventually lose it but is okay if I would achieve either of the two because I have nothing to lose but anything will just be a bonus.