Dear Diary: I Can't Even Recognize My Former Classmate's Faces Now

Lurking around into some of my former high school classmate's profile in Facebook makes a surprise out of me and telling my self "Well he/she's grown, they have all grown" it is because dialysis patient's bones doesn't grow anymore and in fact the reverse goes because their bones throw out Calcium more than they absorb.

The result is that there is a bone degeneration because of the imbalance made by the accumulation of certain nutrients in the body like the phosphorus. It then creates another problem in the parathyroid gland making it pump more of its destructive, bone-weakening hormone in the body and thereby making the bones seep more of its calcium in the blood which makes it more brittle.

Then Leontiasis ensues and along with it the backbone shrinkage which makes the patient get some other type of disability in their eating ways and the manner of speech not to mention the disfigurement of the face and body along with pains in the joints.

In other words my body was left in ruins while my former classmate's bodies just flourished and I couldn't help but to compare myself to them. So it makes me really sad when I realize what happened to me as if this is a living nightmare and I am in it and no amount of waking up will make a difference.

It is a horror of a life and I can just fight it off to the death because there is no way, no option but to be brave and see what I can do to make myself feel better in this lifetime that I had been given with.

I am just taking a day at a time and looking at the good side of life even though the bad side of it is staring me at the face. It is still an interesting life and my hope is that when I die I would go to a better place free from what ails me in this world. But it is indeed a hard life and the fear is still in my life as I know what will and can still happen in the future.