Win the morning, win the day. PTSD Blog #1

As someone with PTSD, one of the most challenging symptoms for me is anxiety. Sometimes it can be almost constant, from the moment I wake up till the moment I fall asleep. It can also be layered with depression, loneliness, sadness, anger or irritability, happiness or any other emotion you can feel and express. Very often I feel confused and wonder why I feel anxiety, where it's coming from or what might be causing it. Or it may just be a default condition due to insufficient development as a result of child abuse. There are some professionals who differentiate some mental health conditions and refer to them as developmental ones. It could be both nature and nurture that contribute to one's anxiety.

Last night I was reviewing my sleep patterns through an app that I have on my phone. I noticed almost an hour more sleep over the past 6 months compared to a year ago. I used to only sleep for just over 5 1/2 hours per night, far too little for me. Many folks with mental illness, or any illness for that matter, deal with constant fatigue. Mental illnesses are sometimes referred to as "invisible wounds." There is real pain inside too, along with exhaustion and fatigue. There are many other symptoms that vary from person to person but here are the main PTSD ones:

1. Intrusive Thoughts (the dreaded "inner critic")
2. Nightmares (it's hard to feel rested when you're not resting in your sleep)
3. Avoiding Reminders of the Event (music, topics of conversation, places, foods, etc.)
4. Memory Loss (this is tragic because it robs us of our happy memories as well as our horrific ones)
5. Negative Thoughts About Self and the World (it's exhausting and oppressive- a tsunami wave of negativity that affects our mood, behaviour and other people we come in contact with)
6. Self-Isolation; Feeling Distant (strangely this can also feel like safety, another default condition I suppose)
7. Anger and Irritability (so hard to handle this one but so necessary because it hurts to hurt others- self-control/mastery!)
8. Reduced Interest in Favorite Activities (self-love through enjoying yourself- it's ok to do that!)
9. Hypervigilance (feels like "they" or "it" is about to bust down the door- sucks)
10. Difficulty Concentrating (start something but don't finish it, forget what I just read etc.).
11. Insomnia (I am happiest when I wake up feeling rested- healthy evening "sleep routines" are good to learn/practice)
12. Vivid Flashbacks (I only realized a few years ago through a "big one" that I've been having them since I was a kid. Scary and has triggered my asthma attacks).
13. Avoiding People, Places and Things Related to the Event (hard to feel safe in the world and never know when and where so it's also connected to Hypervigilance).
14. Casting Blame (hell yes, it wasn't my fault it was theirs. What is my responsibility now though, is how I manage my symptoms/illness, healing and recovery- 100%).
15. Difficulty Feeling Positive Emotions (yup, it's a bummer but when I can live in the moment, I can be aware of beauty and life. My dog helps me a lot with this).
16. Exaggerated Startle Response (yeah, I can be quite jumpy and nervous. Sometimes people think I'm quirky or comical but it's just a reaction to noise or when people get too close for comfort etc.).
17. Risky Behaviors (this can include all kinds of behaviours including addictions and a total loss of care for self and others and life itself. Some say it's a soothing behaviour that can be replaced with healthier alternatives with practice and TLC).

I live with all of those and more. Some of my symptoms I am not even aware of. Facial ticks or even gesturing with your hands, fidgeting with your hands etc. can also be symptoms of PTSD and can come and go depending on your level of wellness or stress. This is why having a good routine or a good toolkit for self-care is so important- break it out when you need it.

So why did I title this post, win the morning, win the day.

I've seen some YouTubers say you have to eat the frog first thing in the morning, that is, you should prioritize doing the unpleasant things you don't want to do first and foremost. I think it's a funny idea, but as someone who gets very easily triggered or feels things intensely, even though is it meant lightly, the idea of eating a frog is just not something I want to imagine LOL. That's why I am trying to use more positive language: Win the morning, win the day.

I try to get something done in the morning before lunch. It can be anything. I like things that give me a sense of moving forward, including the "froggy" things like paying overdue bills or making phone calls, reading emails etc. Even time spent to "get organized" is winning the morning to me. And winning is a feeling as well as a result. It also really pushes back and exercises the muscles in item "15. Difficulty Feeling Positive Emotions" because it allows us to feel good about our accomplishments and ourselves. We are also spending time "moving forward" and that has shown to be psychologically beneficial. By moving our lives forward in a positive way, we are walking to a different future. It's also a good idea to take a morning walk for this very same reason. It's science!

I've noticed with my anxiety, that when I really paid attention to the physical discomfort that comes with it, usually occurs after lunch and before bed. When I was able to connect the dots between my experiences of child abuse and what time of day those experiences had happened, it made sense to me. I've heard others who have had similar epiphanies can further explore their anxiety or PTSD symptoms and sometimes really process deep trauma using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's all good. Go lightly.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments and if there is a PTSD-related topic that you'd like to know more about, let me know!