Being Ourselves in a World That Constantly Wants to Change us
The topic today is really important to me as I have come to the realization that the more I am myself without filters the more people try to "improve" me or actually really see me as ill as my opinions and lifestyle are very unusual.
I am absolutely certain that many of you guys reading this experience the same, I sometimes think I am the only "weirdo" when I am outside, and weirdo really is just a name to shame people into being normal.
Have you asked yourself if you can be yourself without filters? If not, then that is no problem, you probably already answered it in your mind already.
Just one opinion that is not "normal" and people will give you the death stare, attack you violently, or even fire you from your current job.
In a society that preaches tolerance, peace and equality the people certainly have some serious work to do because anyone that is NOT NORMAL will be ostracized and have his life ruined should that "weird" person ever dare to be outside of the current norm.
I don't want to get political but talking about the current standard in our society is important considering the subject of this post.
I will also not point fingers here and just say "The people" and with that I mean the majority of our society, not a certain group or person.
That was the introduction to the topic "Being Ourselves in a World That Constantly Wants to Change us". Let's talk about the consequences of not fitting in.
The Consequences of not Fitting in
The consequences of not fitting in depend on the society that you live in. What is considered normal here in Germany might be considered weird in Japan.
I will speak of the consequences of not fitting into our modern western society.
If you are not "normal" or against the "norm" then you will be ostracized. That can mean anything against you. You can lose your job, your friends, family, partner, and even things that you own including yourself.
They can put you into prison if you question authority, in other words, your free thinking cannot be shared with the world because it will have consequences.
Instead of just considering the thoughts of that free thinking person we can suffer harsh consequences for it.
It is no wonder to me that all people outside appear to be the same unless you talk in a safe environment with them because everyone is afraid to be ostracized and that is completely understandable if you consider the harsh consequences above!
Here are a couple of social rules that we follow, and if we don't follow them we are already considered unfriendly, weird, selfish, etc. I personally like some of them, but I also don't like many of them.
1. Don’t interrupt others while they’re talking.
(I personally like that one as I like to get my point across, in return I let the other person speak out as well).
2. Smile.
(I am not forcing that).
3. Let others go in front of you.
(If you have 2-3 items and you ask nicely then I will certainly do that).
4. Say please or you’ll look rude.
(Only when I really want something).
5. Say thank you or you’ll seem ungrateful.
(I do that when someone has helped me, quid pro quo.)
6. Hold the door for others.
(I do that sometimes)
7. Don’t say anything that could come off as offensive, derogatory, critical, presumptuous, assuming, pretentious…as a matter of fact it’s best to try to refrain from speaking altogether.
(I fail with that a lot).
8. Don’t dress in a way that draws unnecessary attraction to yourself.
(I also don't look normal, I have developed my own style.)
9. Don’t make any movements that might draw unnecessary attraction to yourself.
(I don't like attention that much.)
10. Avoid eye contact with the homeless. If you do happen to make eye contact, pretend you always intended on giving money and smile about it.
(Well, we should all work for our money, I have once seen a homeless dude that played banjo on the street and I liked it, I gave him 5€ for that and told him "Never give up".)
11. Try not to do anything that will make anyone upset with you.
(With growing respect for myself I tend to do this more often.)
12. Apologize even when you’re not sure what you’re supposed to be sorry for.
(I have stopped that).
13. Just to be safe, try to feel sorry all the time, even when there’s nothing to be sorry about.
(I once did that too, not anymore).
14. Don’t do anything that might embarrass your family.
(I once came to a marriage in my style which was a combination of black jeans, short biker boots and a white shirt while everyone else came in a suit, I still got the looks lol).
How to be Ourselves in a World That Constantly Wants to Change us?
We have to be as self-reliant as our society allows it. And that means we have to make enough money (and reduce our costs of living) by ourselves to be ourselves.
My arguments for that statement are the following:
1. If we have our own business nobody can fire us.
2. We can be who we are.
And like that, we can be ourselves without our lives in danger, if you also obey the law you will be set up for a life in more freedom than most people can imagine.
However, you will have to be comfortable living in solitude. Because if you are truly yourself and your personality does not fit into our society for whatever reason you will probably not make friends.
The fact alone that you are yourself and live an almost free life makes people jealous. So expect more shaming and other kinds of hate.
If you make enough money by yourself and you can handle the consequences of being yourself and obey the law then you can truly enjoy being yourself and start smelling the sweet scent of almost complete freedom!
Important Notes
I hope you enjoyed this post and I also hope that my advice and philosophy helps you to at least be more yourself with fewer filters.
If you have suggestions, criticism or just want to state your opinion and thoughts, then please write those into the comments, I will gladly answer your comment unless it is spam. 😊
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://www.philipbraselmann.com/being-ourselves-in-a-world-that-constantly-wants-to-change-us/
My Website: www.PhilipBraselmann.com
This is me.
I'm often times more alone. I have very few friends right now. I have healthy boundaries. I no longer apologize for things I didn't do wrong. When people assume things of me, and it's not correct or healthy -- I pick my battles -- but when needed I will speak up and challenge it now.
It doesn't make me popular. Especially as a woman working in IT. But my boss is awesome though. He listens and goes to bat for me when my voice as a woman (and as their peer) fails.
Outside of this, in public I stopped speaking. When I was a Mormon, I stopped speaking up in classes and gatherings because my viewpoints, positions or frame of mind was not welcome. It didn't fit into their paradigm. Especially as a woman.
Like your pictures you have -- I have a pack like that. It's packed and ready to go for the most part. But for now, I have kids, a mortgage, child support, a job and all of that.
I see myself going at things alone. For quite some time. It just comes to a point in life where it is no longer worth it to try and be something for someone else.
Earlier in the spring, I cut nearly 22 inches of hair off. Every time I think about growing it back, I realize I just don't want to. I'd only be doing it to make the men at work (and potential dating prospects) to feel more comfortable with me. I don't need to fit into the entire paradigm to do my job to be approved or to be seen.
So I keep my new hairdo. On purpose. For me.
You're right. It can be quite lonely. I look forward though to a day where I can be more free of the current shackles that exist so I can spend more time with those I love, have more quality time my kids need and just literally spend my days doing mostly as I please.
Then I will work for someone else because I want to and when I start to feel resentment I'll stop. Easy. Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy. It requires a dramatic lifestyle changes to pare down to a point where you can do that. Most people aren't willing to.
Like I said, my pack is packed and for the most part, ready to go.
Same here, some people think that I am mentally ill in my family and I fucking hate that. We help each other when we need help, but besides that I don't spend time with them.
Same here, I don't speak much in public anymore because my thinking is usually met with hard resistance and ignorance.
Absolutely tired of that. We are who we are, I won't fit in anymore because that is bad for my self-respect and dignity.
It is our journey and not theirs after all :)
Well those are some pretty good tips. I have a story to add to your discussion::
There is a old man who is having a goat. There are also 3 thieves who want to steal this goat. so they planned on how to steal the goat.
Then 1st thief went to the man and told him that why his dog is looking so ill. Then old man said that it is a goat. But the thief once again said that it is a dog and went. Likewise the other 2 thieves told some other stories like if the old man was carrying the dog.
The old man doubted for a while and finally got convinced and left the goat and went back. Then the 3 thieves happily took away the goat.
Moral: Don't get convinced or persuaded by other people. Believe in yourself.
Thanks for sharing that story :)
You are welcome::). Stories are meant to be told for such discussion.
I often have to take a break from it all to meditate on my current positions. If I don't, am afraid I may indeed lose myself someday. The pressure to conform is really great
Indeed it is, and we have to stay strong to not fall victim to it.
The pressure makes us stronger and we have to embrace it.
Greatness requires suffering, and we are the ones that can take it, or not.
Your post help us.
really helpful information