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RE: Adoption & Attachment | How A Baby Handles Grief & Loss
Really a fascinating look into adoption. One thing to take with you is your experience as an adoptee.... your parents probably never 'analyzed' your possible feelings like you have here, and yet you remember a fairly healthy childhood. Could there be a 'risk' of being too concerned with "what are they feeling in this exact moment"? That perceived feelings are projected on them. I am only saying this with some thoughts or opinions around "self-esteem" and "helicopter parenting" and that these two things have probably done as much harm as good in our modern society. So... it is a comment from bias and opinion that may probably not apply or need to be said in this context. so... grain of salt .
8-D
:-/
As a teacher and babysitter who has had to re-train children to think about others, be responsible for their actions, and work hard, I completely agree with you that self-esteem-focused and helicopter-parenting has done more harm than good. :)
Actually, I didn’t have a very healthy childhood. My worth was based on performance (and maintaining our “perfect family” image) so I tried to excel at everything. It wasn’t just because I was adopted though. My siblings (my adoptive parents’ biological children) have struggled as well. Additionally, we didn’t talk about feelings growing up. It was shameful if we couldn’t articulate our thoughts or our needs ... so I buried them. I finally started to understand what grace looked like just before I got married. My husband has helped me overcome a lot of my own “attachment issues” and by God’s grace, I’ve learned how to be more open and explain my thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. Still areas to improve in though...
I try to avoid projecting feelings onto the girls. As they get older, I want them to be able to explain how they’re feeling without putting words in their mouths. But knowing that their communication is limited right now, I have to rely on motherly instinct and empathy.
I do appreciate the concern and friendly words of caution! :)