Going trending (Part 1) - Dead people don’t upvote Nor get paid

So i’m conversing with a friend about what kind of a post series we could do to go trending consistently. We noticed life stories are very popular here, but if i make my life story posts i would probably bore you to death and hence when you reach the end of the post you won’t be able to press upvote.
Besides me not getting upvoted it might also ruin STEEMIT because it’s base of active curators would shrink rapidly. So that’s out of the question.

We have also noticed extensive statistical posts have a good likelihood of getting hundreds of upvotes. So that’s a viable idea but it would require hours of me reading long and dreary texts which would probably not kill me but it would definitely sedate me like an elephant tranquilizer. Of course i would then also have to mind-numbingly punch in hundreds of data points to create charts… and i’m downright certain it would kill me.

Another option are weird video tutorials which have so far earned up to $16 000 with a single post, but these things are a bit of a wildcard because many video posts don’t earn anything. So this is not consistent.

Than we have poetry and fiction stories… I remember those things from high-school and it’s a real miracle i survived them back then; i’m older now and even having to read poetry would kill me in an instant… and it i just think of having to write it, it makes me pass.

This picture is just to save the first picture from the unpleasantries which follow
About a week ago someone posted a theory that posts with boobs get more votes, butt (yes, posts with butts too) it didn’t go trending… Ohh the irony…
So i’ll pass on that. Besides i have no own boobs to post here - not even man boobs. But ohh wait google to my rescue:

Gee, am i torturing you too much?

Sorry for the boobs, i couldn’t resist… Ok to go back the topic (if you first need to bleach your eyes and erase your mind i’ll wait for a few minutes):
Some people also make money with featuring other authors posts and/or “picking” top 5 or 10 posts of the day/week/month.
As far as i see it, that niche is overcrowded and brings no value to STEEMIT. Ohh deer (pun intended - read about it in the postscript) was this point actually constructive?

The same as above goes for various “news” posts which never really accumulate any rewards anyway.

GANJA! - damn it, i actually had to check how to spell this… anyway, any post with ganja/weed/marijuana (Mary Who Anna)/cannabis gets more upvotes than posts which do not include it. But really I’m not the one to teach you how to roll an uber epic giant joint, as the closest i’ve ever come to drugs was picking up that acid-thingy in DOS Trolls:

Last thing which used to be lucrative and popular are STEEMIT posts about STEEMIT. But it seems that many active curators are now avoiding such posts thus most just fall through without getting noticed.

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Ok, now that i have listed most of the things that don’t work for me and most other lazy people here i’m off to find a lazy man's way to go trending on STEEMIT.
Stay tuned but keep in mind i said i’m lazy so it might take me a while to write part 2.

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P.S.: the deer pun is from the following joke: http://9gag.com/gag/aq50oEM/deer-run-too-fast

P.S.2: like we’re a bunch of amnesiacs STEEMIT keeps reminding us to vote and all that, so if you are not yet dead from boredom confirm that you are alive by pressing upvote