To grow, let go of your identities. ( @ranaa power up 100)
March is my birthday month, so naturally, I've been thinking a lot about identity.
All my life, I have felt a growing dread as my birthday approached that I would soon have to separate myself from the age
I had identified with you for the past 365 years.
And I don't mean the typical "OMG, I'm entering my thirties and feeling old."
I'm talking, I used to cry when six came out and seven came in. I would never be six again! For a whole year, he had proudly declared "I have SIX!" And then all of a sudden he wasn't six years old anymore. (And in case you're wondering how the one-to-two-digit transition happened, it was traumatizing.)
Some three decades later, I no longer identify with my age, but I recognize the parts of myself that no longer serve me, identities that I have overcome, or that I no longer wish to have.
Knowing your identities.
I'm not good with numbers" or "I'm an unfortunate person") is knowing how you will appear in the world. Your behavior is a direct reflection of who you think you are.
Imagine if I continued to identify myself as a six-year-old for the rest of my life? I would never get a job, let alone think that I could move out of the house! Who you think you have the potential to be who you can become.
And despite this potential, many of the identities we carry are fundamentally false: labels or beliefs we have created that are self-imposed or imposed on us through external sources (social norms, culture, etc.).
These false identities have a lot of power over us. When you identify too much with something that just isn't real, you shut yourself off from change, possibility, and growth.
For example, here are some fake identities that were previously holding me back
1 "I'm just not a late night person"
2 "My ideas don't matter"
3 "I'm not good at standing out"
4 "I am not a runner"
None of those things were true, they were just outdated stories that I allowed myself to believe.
These are some of the current identities that I am trying to dismantle:
"I need chocolate"
"I am responsible for the feelings of others and therefore I need to sacrifice my own" (a juicy one!)
"I can't drive in the city"
"I'm not good at (fill in the blank, the possibilities are endless)
These identities do not align with my current ideal goals, values, or vision of myself and therefore create friction and frustration when I try to make the changes I want.
Or, for example, if for most of her adult life she has identified as the fun party girl whose M.O. It was to go out and keep the party going, but now you want to be the kind of person who gets up early on the weekends and attends a yoga class followed by the farmers market, this new farmers market identity will be in direct conflict with the identity of the party girl.
A reckoning must take place between the two. Who Matters More? The party girl or the farmers market? One identity will have to take a backseat for the other to take the wheel.
Let them go.
I understand that it is not that simple.
Saying goodbye can be difficult. Don't rush, but don't delay either. When you're ready, take the time to mourn your loss and acknowledge the good times. That identity served you at some point in your life but it no longer gives you what you need. Onward and upward - thanks for the memories!
But what about those beliefs that just don't budge?
According to my latest post, many of us have identities that have been determined by an external source: social norms based on age, race, gender, class, grade level or not, place where you grew up, institution in the one you are part of, your parents, your partner, your friends, etc.
These identities are especially stubborn because you and everyone around you can believe them. The "I'm not good at standing out because I'm a girl who likes to talk about feelings" is a good example of the false construction we have created as a culture.
Realizing this falsehood has allowed me to shed my identity and broaden my horizons.
Also, when you adopt an identity based on someone else's expectations, or an outdated expectation of yourself! - you move away from your true self, your north star.
And without your north star, you are lost.
Decisions are more difficult. You say weird things. You act the way you regret it.
You feel trapped… anxious. Not yourself.
The friction between who you are and who you think you should be is creating drama and illness because you are not living a life according to yourself.
So if you actively want to make a change, or you just feel like something is "wrong," take a look at their identities and where they came from. It may be a false identity that is holding you back.
And if you think you have no control over this, perhaps it is an identity to look at more closely! The "I have no control over my life" also known as "this is who I am" or "this is how the world works" can always be reassessed.
We always, always have the power to reclaim our lives, even when our identities have gone haywire.
You are the provider of your own reality; what you believe to be true will be true.