Star Wars and Family Secrets

The following entry was originally uploaded on my blog in December of 2015, the same week that Star Wars: The Force Awakens premiered. You can read the original entry here: https://beanxiousaboutnothing.wordpress.com/2015/12/19/laff-star-wars-and-family-secrets/

Well kids, it seems that with the opening of the new Star Wars movie this week, this is the best time to tell you something. We’ve been keeping a secret from all of you for awhile now and it seems like the time is right to go public with our secret…….

Our cats are the evolutionary ancestors of Wookies.*

If you’ve ever seen any Star Wars movie, you will of course remember Chewbacca as the biggest of the Wookies and the little teddy-bear creatures enrobed in cloaks running around their tree village and helping to save Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker. They were experts at using lightsabers and made cute gurgling noises when they talked. Their eyes also glowed in the dark.

So, how did this evolutionary phenomenon create the furry domestic gods and goddesses we have today? Ah, young Padawan (yeah, I had to go there 😉 ) keep reading for the answers that you seek.

See, a long, long time ago in a gala…..eh screw it-here’s what happened:

The original Wookies roamed the tree forests and fought evil with their lightsabers and stellar kung-fu moves. Later on in evolution, their lightsabers were permanently affixed to the south end of their bodies and over time they began to only be able to walk on all fours. Their ears also grew pointier. Their lightsaber tails were still useful, but they seemed to sway back and forth at random. Oh, and they became covered with fur.

But two things remained; their fighting capabilities and their voices. Oh, and their eyeballs still glow in the dark.

At night is when things really get interesting for these Wookie relatives. This is when they are able to hone their lightsaber skills without the gawking eyes of their unsuspecting adopted families. After the last human goes to bed, the cats begin their fight training. Their tails, evolving from lightsabers, start glowing and they are able to jump around the room and off the furniture faster and stealthier than they can with the lights on and humans watching.

So, why do we know this to be a fact? Well, I happened to get up late one night because I was hungry. I crept silently into the kitchen and they must not have heard me because I was able to watch them practicing with their lightsaber tails. It really was something to behold. Like a violent laser light dance. With claws.

The next morning I went back into the living room and it was like nothing extraordinary had occurred. They greeted me with indignant bored gazes and went back to licking themselves.

So now you know our deep family secret. Just don’t let on that we told you if you ever come to visit. We are a little nervous about what would happen if they found out. 😉

**PS: Well this is embarrassing. I counted myself a fan of Star Wars, but apparently, I confused my characters (getting old does this to you periodically). I realized this when throngs of my Facebook friends who really are die-hard fans (think full cosplay) came to my door wielding over-sized lightsabers and chanting about how Obi-Wan Kenobi truly is their only hope. They informed me that I had mistaken Wookies for Ewoks.

Oops!