"U.F.O. (A Totally True Story)" by Richard F. Yates

[This image is an ink on found cardboard drawing, with digital embellishments and color, AND a reconstruction of the REAL U.F.O. that my wife and I saw yesterday evening---despite the fact that I drew this piece the day BEFORE we saw the "craft." (I did sort of feel like I was looking into the future while sitting on the ground waiting in line for the George Clinton concert on Saturday...)]

Here's the whole, chilling story:

Yesterday, Mariah (the "Wife") and I went to DJ a wedding for the daughter of one of Mariah's friends. (Mariah, who is a very nice person, has MANY friends!) We found the venue---out in the wilds of Kelso, Washington, in a wooded area near the Cowlitz River, and we set up outside---because it was supposed to be an outside wedding. Naturally, it started to rain (DJ gear + rain = electrocution and death), and although we were under a tent, water kept pouring off the edge of the tent onto our power strip, and the wind was pushing the rain onto the speakers and amp---so we moved the gear inside, into the newly constructed, very large shop where the reception was supposed to go down... (That marked our second day in a row of getting rained on!!! [See my concert review for more rain...once I write my concert review and talk about getting rained on!])

We played tunes. Things went well.

HOWEVER!!!! On our way home from the DJ gig, Mariah and I spotted a strange, hovering disk in the sky, which looked a little bit like a lady's hat, but was CLEARLY a craft of some sort. Here's the thing, though: Just because we saw something hovering in the sky does NOT immediately mean (to us) that the craft had extraterrestrial aliens inside.

There are numerous other possibilities:

1. Time traveling people/creatures from Earth, NOT outer space (hence, not technically "aliens.")
2. Modern experimental craft piloted by Earth folk.
3. Modern experimental craft piloted by A.I.
4. Modern experimental craft piloted by remote control.
5. An extra-dimensional "shadow" from an alternate reality visible due to some quantum-light fluctuation, but not necessarily actually, PHYSICALLY, here in our world.
6. An hallucination---which Mariah and I both saw.
7. An image or hologram projected onto the clouds by a prankster.
8. A prop from a low budget movie about U.F.O.s and Bigfoot being filmed in the Pacific Northwest for the sake of authenticity.
   OR 9. Maybe it WAS a lady's hat blown into the air by the crazy weather.

The main word in the U.F.O. acronym, which most folks seem to forget, is "UNIDENTIFIED!" Seeing a U.F.O. doesn't mean you've seen an alien---that would be an I.F.O., "IDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT"---it means that you don't know what you've seen. It doesn't necessarily mean you HAVEN'T seen an alien craft, but as long as the object you've spotted remains "U.," you just don't know for sure... Best not to jump to conclusions!!!

We saw the THING floating in the sky off to the east---just hills and trees in that direction--- and our senses went ELECTRIC with anticipation! But we saw no beams of light, experienced no missing time, weren't probed (as far as we can tell), had no words of warning or encouragements given to us by little green or grey men to help the human race evolve and take its place amongst the other spacefaring species in the galaxy... We just saw a weird thing in the sky. Maybe we were drunk. Who knows???

And that was our completely truthful, not in any way exaggerated or made up, Sunday adventure! Keep watching the skies!!! (And don't ask me to DJ your wedding! I'm trying to retire!!! [Ha!])

Later!

---Richard F. Yates (Holy Fool)

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