Berhenti menyalahkan korban | Stop the victim-blaming culture [ID/EN]

[English below]

(image source: change.org)

Kasus Agni: https://tirto.id/kasus-agni-berakhir-damai-cermin-buram-kasus-pelecehan-di-kampus-dfTp

Kasus Agni adalah satu dari banyak kasus pemerkosaan di mana pelaku tidak diberikan hukuman yang setimpal. Seiring perjalanan kasus, tidak sedikit orang yang justru menyalahkan si korban (victim blaming). Sebenarnya victim blaming ini tidak hanya terjadi di negara berbudaya timur, bedanya kalau di negara-negara barat, orang-orang sudah mulai menyaddari dan mulai bersuara (#metoo-movement), hal ini masih sulit dilakukan di Indonesia.

Sampai sekarang pun saya bingung kenapa #metoo-movement belum heboh di Indonesia, padahal saya yakin banyak perempuan di Indonesia yang pernah mengalami pelecehan seksual. Sekejam itu kah opini publik di Indonesia terhadap kasus pelecehan seksual? Ya nyatanya memang sekejam itu, sampai orang-orang takut/malas bersuara karena malah dianggap mencari perhatian atau malah dinasehati dengan analogi ‘permen’.

Ketika ada korban yang bersuara atau menceritakan kisah pelecehan seksual (mulai dari catcalling sampai pemerkosaan), tidak jarang orang justru memberikan komentar bernada menyalahkan korban. Korban catcalling biasanya malah disuruh "selow aja kali mbak, itu kan pujian". Menurut saya, catcalling jelas bukan pujian, malah bikin perempuan risih dan takut.

Tidak jarang, hal yang pertama ditanya ke korban pelecehan adalah “si korban pake bajunya gimana? Pasti pake baju seksi, pantes aja digrepe-grepe” dan yang paling nyelekit adalah ketika yang berkomentar demikian adalah sesama perempuan. Logika macam apa ini, perempuan berpakaian terbuka lantas layak digrepe?, picik dan tidak masuk akal. Perempuan berpakaian terbuka bukan lantas dia berusaha mencari perhatian, situ aja yang ga bisa mengendalikan hasrat seksual.

Saya pernah melihat, dengan mata kepala sendiri, teman saya yang notabenenya berjilbab panjang diraba oleh pengendara motor yang melintas cepat. Masih mau menyalahkan perempuan karena berpakaian terbuka? Lantas argumen lain adalah “ah mungkin dia jalan sendirian malam-malam, memang perempuan ga bener ngapain dia malam-malam masih di luar”. Mohon maaf saudara-saudara, kejadian itu terjadi di siang bolong, bulan puasa, dan temen saya tidak keluyuran sendirian melainkan dikelilingi beberapa teman perempuan lainnya. dan bodohnya waktu itu gw cuma bisa bengong.

Apalagi kalau ada kasus pemerkosaan yang ujungnya malah si korban dinikahkan dengan pelaku. Saya tidak paham logika di balik itu apa, apakah untuk ‘menyelamatkan keluarga korban dari rasa malu’? Apa mereka tidak pernah berpikir tentang bagaimana perasaan korban ketika justru dinikahi orang yang pernah membuatnya trauma dan sangat sakit hati?

Yuk mulai peduli dengan kasus-kasus seperti ini. Coba mulai dari diri sendiri, berhenti berpikiran negatif dan menyalahkan korban. Langkah selanjutnya adalah mulai bersuara ketika menyaksikan hal seperti itu (jangan kaya gw dulu). Dan berhenti menjadikan perempuan sebagai objek seksual, lah ntar gw dibilang feminis yang minta disetarakan dengan laki-laki di semua aspek kehidupan

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[English]

(image source: ctvnews.ca)

The case of Agni (https://www.vice.com/en_asia/article/yw7z3b/sexual-assault-cover-up-indonesia-university-gadjah-mada-ugm) is one of many cases of rape allegation in which the perpetrator is not given a proper sentence. As the case progresses, not a few people were blaming the victim. Actually, victim blaming does not only occur in eastern cultures, but the difference is that in western countries, people have begun to acknowledge and begin to speak (#metoo movement), this is still difficult to do in Indonesia.

Until now I am quite perplexed why #metoo is still unheard of in Indonesia, even though I am sure that there are many women who have experienced sexual harassment. (recently found an answer here: http://theconversation.com/victim-blaming-culture-holds-back-metoo-in-indonesia-106671). Is the public that harsh in responding to sexual harassment victims? Yes, in fact it is that cruel, to the point that makes people hesitate/scared to speak out because they risk being labelled as attention seeker or even preached at using the 'candy' comparison.

(image source: www.spirit21.co.uk)
[article about 'candy analogy': http://muslimgirl.com/5057/candy-bars-the-hijab-and-empowerment/]

When there are victims who speak or tell stories of sexual harassment (ranging from catcalling to rape cases), it is not uncommon for people to give comments that blame the victim. Victims of catcalling are usually told "chill, that's just a compliment". In my opinion, catcalling is definitely not a compliment, instead it makes women feel uncomfortable and terrified.

In many cases, the first question raised to the victims of abuse is "what did she wear? She must have worn sensual/revealing clothing, she deserved what she got" and what’s more infuriating is that those comments also often come from other woman #womensupportwomen. The argument that women who wear 'provocative' clothes deserve to be disrespected is blatantly shortsighted and unreasonable. Women don’t dress to attract attention, it’s your problem if you can’t control your sexual desire and you have to be treated.

I have seen with my own eyes, a friend of mine who dressed modestly with long veil, was groped by a motorcyclist. Still blaming women for attracting unwanted attention?? Then another argument is, "perhaps she was walking alone at night, indeed, what kind of woman would still be out at night". Sorry, brothers and sisters, the incident happened in broad daylight, during the fasting month, and my friend did not wander alone but was in fact walking with other female friends. I was stupefied that I did not react accordingly at that time.

It aggravates me that sometimes the rape victim end up being forced to marry the perpetrator. I can never comprehend the rationale behind this, is it to 'save the victim's family from shame'? Have they never thought about the agony that the victim has to go through knowing the fact that she has to spend the rest of her life with someone who had traumatized her?

"Given that the victim blaming and rape culture are a persistent problem in our society, we should consistently fight against any kind of violence against women and girls. We must stand by the survivors every time, and not only when their cases generate a public outcry. We can start by respecting any kind of clothing they wear." - Yusuf @theconversation.com