Mad Gone World Good Girl

OK Computer. Compute this. O.K. Stands for "Our Kind" . Less common is NOK. I grew up hearing this. "Not Our Kind". Maybe you've heard AOK? Use your imagination. Anyone ever told you, you are AOK? I interpreted it as "Absolutely Our Kind". It's lingo "they" use. Those who consider themselves part of the ruling class. My family brags ties to this class.

Aristocratic blood runs through our veins. So does inherent occult understanding, psychic abilities, creative abundance, progressive fascist notions, emotional instability and abuse, hush hush sexual abuse, verbal abuse, and brainwashing grooming. You might have guessed right, my family is riddled with confused and naive liberalism. I grew up wealthy and privileged, and I tried my best to be above and beyond their expectations of a good girl.

When my parents divorced I cracked. But it wasn't the first time, and it wasn't the last. I heard less and less of AOK when I did something I thought was correct. I became more and more of a black sheep and/or scape goat. Just think about these terms in context of sheeple and goat sacrificing. Truly, my mind was escaping them. Oh "My" God. My family was quick to interject "Goodness" in any place of God. Why not? For Goodness sake.

I had a problem..."you better believe it!" For God's sake I could not be manipulated. I was born awake. It's been a terribly lonely journey. I have become more and more shy through the years. My nature is not. I'm a goofball reveling in the comic cosmic nature of truth's will. I see clearly when I allow myself to. However, I'm still riddled and battling the self doubts instilled upon me, and I yearn to be seen heard accepted and understood like any other human. I suffer the rejection that my moral compass led me to and sometimes I resent myself for being born this way. I can relate to any identifiable group on the fringe, but I have no group of my own. Just an outcast.

Occasionally I resent myself for not being able to stick my hard head in the quick sand. I get called crazy a lot. Nowadays, I try to admit I'm crazy before anyone else throws that well too known defining word at me. Yes, my range of perception is beyond what most are willing to comprehend. Yes, I've been tested and experimented on. The conclusions come up invalid or inconclusive.

When I get drunk enough to talk about it, my favorite responses are " You just want to feel unique or special" " You're just too sensitive" "You're paranoid" " You have a chemical in balance" "You're making shit up " " you have an over active imagination " " you need help " ... wait for it... " you're crazy". The redeeming part is I can just say " Oh I was drunk and you're right." Sucker is me.

So I'd take to the wind in hopes it would carry me somewhere I'd be welcome and understood. Never/dramatic rarely, happened. But I learned a lot on the way, anyway.

Enter steemit. This is my third attempt to introduce myself. I'm still too nervous to upload a picture of myself. I'm still testing the waters here. While I'm here I can't help myself for wanting to stand up to any potential bullying I see. I apologize if I judge too fast or make mistakes. I will rectify them if and when I can and I don't mind anyone pointing them out to me. I will flag and avoid ill intended name calling when I see it. I will not be perfect. I will give myself room to learn, and I will give the same to you.

I edited a previous introduce myself post where I explained why I chose the username Ultramylk. I'll just simplify that quickly now. I consider myself more of a M.other Y.ou'd L.ike t' K.now. Than a M.other I.'d L.ike t'F.uck. I'm a humanist more than a feminist or anarchist, but I can relate to these identities as well...to an extent.

When I've been able to tolerate and participate my nature in school, I'm referred to as the glue in my classrooms. Likely for my ability to gently point out where we connect and how we can use that past potential energy. There's a mylk gene with a similar function. At times, I can easily connect dots and place multiple meanings, so I love puns. I'm fascinated by the genetic manipulation that has and does go on. I'm an avid problem solver and puzzle enthusiast like many conspiracy theorists, so I can often relate with that group, yet too often, I get slammed by it.

I have a radio head and I'm trying to learn how to tune my dials and avoid interference. I have reason to believe I've been and likely may still be targeted and under surveillance by the MKUltra programs or some side program from it. Hence the F&^%YOU and throwing in the Ultra. A lot of magic is more direct used backwards. So deflection using the same forces and witnessing how spelling (spells) seems to work well as well. call it psychic Aikido? Why Knot?

I want to reiterate I'm here more to make connections than to make steem. However I really appreciate that added bonus and the more I learn about it the more I appreciate.

People have been patient and helpful towards me here. It's wonderful. I am a giver and inclined to give back. In other words, what's really wrong with me is I genuinely care and I don't mind taking hits for it. Many people have and will take advantage of that. I'm less concerned with being taken advantage of ( already proved to myself I can survive it) and more concerned with where we all go together from here. I see great places and I am always open to what other people see, even if I personally see something else. I am certainly prone to judge, but my mind takes refuge and rest in common sense.

For those wondering, I wrote this under the quiet stars listening to the wind while part of my critical mind was distracted by memory snippets of the album I referenced. That's as much as I can talk about myself for now. Love and blessings. We are all OK.

In Re VERSE:

OK all are we. Blessings and Love. Now for myself, about talk can I, as much as that's referenced, I album thee of snippets, memory by distracted was mind critical. My of part, while wind, the too/two listening stars, quiet the under. This wrote I/eye, wondering for those sense. Common in rest and refuge takes mind.
My, but judge to prone, certainly am I, else something see personally.
I, if even, see people,. Other what? To open, all ways am I , and places great see I/eye here.
From together , go all we. See people other. What to open? Always am I in places. Great see eye/I here. From together, go all we where? With concerned more, and it survive, can I myself? To proved all ready? Of advantage taken being, with concerned less, I'm that. Of advantage, take will. And have people many it for. Hits taking. Mind don't I and care? Genuinely I is me with wrong. Really what's words? Other in back. Give to inclined. And Giver, a am I. Wonderful it's here! Me towards helpful and patient been. Have people appreciate.

Please forgive me to stop here and I can continue if someone asks, but this is exhausting lol! Otherwise, I imagine you get it ....

Thanks for reading! And I don't mind if you think I'm crazy. There's worse things to be called in a world gone mad. Like " good girl ".

My intention in posting here is to reflect relevant resonance, respectfully.