101 Reasons NOT To Vote For Me. by @jackmiller (Witness)
You know, while everyone is popping out reasons to vote for them and so on, I figured I'll make life easier on everyone and put down a list of reasons why you may not vote for me.
So here it is:
101 Reasons
Not To Vote For Jack Miller
(@jackmiller witness)
1- I'm not as sexy as Brad Pitt,
2- I'm not built like Arnold Schwartznegger,
3- I’m not as tough and macho as Clint Eastwood.
HOWEVER, I can lick like Lassie! Guess I have that going for me!
4- I’m stubborn in that I say what I mean and do as I say.
5- I’m a larrikin at heart, especially when I just wake up in the wee hours of the morning.
To help out with the definition for those who don’t speak Australian:
6- I call out BS when I see it and back it up with proof, not “opinions”. Obviously not a popular trait!
7- Because you prefer dictatorships and mafia like mobs. (PLEASE DON’T VOTE FOR ME)
8- If you are this man (don't vote for me).
Then again it would be kind of interesting for a former communist spy now President of Russia to vote for someone...... but..... eeerrrrrr..... NO.
9- Because you don’t like BBQ’s
10- You are having a bad hair day
11- You like budgie smugglers
OK, OK, I’m a board shorts man myself, but for those who don’t get it, here is the definition:
12- If you think sheep or goats are sexy, then I don’t recommend you vote for me.
13- If you believe that someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill him/herself, is considered a hostage situation. Sure vote for me, but just don’t expect me to go into a in depth conversation with you.
14- If you don’t turn your volume down on the car radio when slowing down to look for an address. I mean seriously, if you don’t do that, then you are superhuman or an alien and your vote would scare the hell out of me.
15- If you are like me and can’t figure out what colour a Smurf turns when you choke it.
16- If you believe in the flat earth theory, don’t vote for me, I’m probably employed by Nasa.
17- If you can’t handle the fact that I am not from the same place you are from, as I was a caesarean.
18- If you expect me to be a good singer.
19- If you expect me to be a good dancer.
20- If you expect me to like those TV reality shows.
21- Because I don’t do yoga. Too bad so sad.
22- Because I’m not a suck up (brownnoser). Nope, unlike many, I don’t need name tags on my shoe laces.
23- Well, I can’t stand on my own two hands. That is an interesting reason not to vote for me!
24- I don’t wear sunglasses indoors (unless I have to).
25- I don’t hide in boxes. Guess this really bugs a lot of people who would/do.
26- I don’t have a favourite when it comes to meat pies, pasties, sausage rolls. Sorry. If you have a favourite and can’t handle the fact that I like all three, sure, just don’t vote for me.
27- I think that superheroes should wear their underwear under their pants and not on their pants.
28- I don’t have time for WOFTAMs, but I will take the mickey out of them! ;)
Here we go with the definition:
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/WOFTAM
29- Ohhh yeah, If you’re a downright conniving, backstabbing, two faced bitch or asshole, I don’t want your vote.
30- Ohhh, I guess this one kind of ties onto the last one, but if you are a gossiper and expect me to partake in that BS, no thanks, not for me, so yeah, go vote for someone who will gossip behind peoples backs.
31- My motto in life is simple “Yesterday is in the past, It’s what I do today that can make a difference”. If you don’t like it or disagree with it, there, that is another damn good reason not to vote for me.
32- I can’t name all the countries of this world.
33- In the mornings, right when I wake up, I can’t recite the alphabet.
34- I actually have a life. Sorry, not one to go nuts over stuff that some people write on the internet.
35- I’ve never been in an igloo.
36- I forgive, but I don’t forget. So yeah, if you try to fuck me over, then stay away. Better for everyone.
37- I admit to have been scared half to death many a time in my life. Ohh well, too bad so sad, I’m not the macho John Wayne dude that some people want to vote for.
38- I have a sweet tooth. Enjoy cakes, admit it, I’m a cakeaterian.
48- I say “Zed” for the last letter of the English alphabet. Not “Zeeeeee”. Kill me for it.
49- I’m from a working class family, sorry, not rich, never was. You want to chase the money, I’m not your person/witness.
50- I enjoy dunking doughnuts into my coffee. If that gets on your nerves, sure, I fully support your choice.
51- Ohhh yeah, I was an Aussie soldier back when I was younger. I gave an oath to defend our home, Australia, if need be and to defend our Australian Nation (people/citizens) from evil, when called upon. Guess that isn’t in line with some peoples values in life, so there you go, another reason.
52- I try not to watch TV, except maybe for some funny stuff like “The Big Bang Theory” and “Tom & Jerry”. Not into the mass media thing. If you are, well there you go.
53- If I was to be stinking rich one day, I would still be the same and hang out with the same people who accepted me the way I am now when I’m not richer than Richie Rich. So too bad, so sad, no making new “friends” when the money comes in. Go vote for those who like having brownnosers/suckups around them.
54- I smoke.
55- I’m not a vegetarian.
56- I don’t drink much, but I do enjoy the odd beer every now and then.
57- The jokes I tell are not for all ages, nor for people who get “their feelings hurt” (= people who can’t handle jokes/humour).
58- I play scrabble on my phone when in the mens room. Yep, I’m one of those.
59- I easily fall asleep on the couch.
60- Yes, I SNORE. ohhhhh man do I snore, sometimes wake myself up, how loud it gets!
61- I tend to micromanage the home budget sometimes, especially when planning the new year budget.
62- I enjoy watching Footy. Pretty much only when Richmond is playing though.
63- I hate it when my wife doesn’t believe in herself or is in pain or cries. Yes, I am a one woman man and I am not myself when I see that I wasn’t able to give her the courage and encouragement to be the best she can. Yep, I have failed many a time in that field. Not the best husband out there. Sorry.
64- I hate to see food thrown away. One of those people who believes that a person should only grab as much as they can eat. Just can’t stand seeing good food thrown away in a world with so much hunger. Yep, I make grumpy cat look like a purring little kitten at times when it comes to wasting food.
65- I can’t resist popping bubble wrap.
66- I pop my pimples. TMI? Well, maybe you hate it, so there it is, another good reason not to vote for me.
67- I have pretended to have read books that I started reading, totally got bored with, then watched the movie or googled it. Just played along with people who have read them, letting them think that I had read it too, without actually saying it. ‘So I didn’t lie’. But man, like I’ve read “Gone with the wind”. Yeah right!
68- I speak slowly when speaking to non Australians, then when speaking with Aussies I forget that there are those who can’t understand us and I speed up and mumble. Totally rude of me! Kill me for it. But yeah, sure, another good reason to not vote for me. After all, if you can’t understand me, that is a damn good reason, isn’t it?
69- When it comes to business, I will always contract out what I feel needs to be contracted out so that I can take care of other things and not feel limited, even if I can do it myself.
70- When it comes to fixing things at home, I’ll be damned if I let anyone else fix anything that involves a “handy man”.
I know, 69 and 70 are totally contradictory to each other, yet that is how it is, so if either of the two bothers you, there they are, reasons not to vote for me.
71- KFC RULZ! Sorry, but if you think different, we will not meet eye to eye on this and if it is something you feel strongly about, there it is!
72- Yes, I use cotton tips, Qtips or whatever else people call them to clean my ears. I know, doctors say NO to that. So if you are a doctor, there you go, another damn good reason to not vote for me.
73- I don’t sit around and wait for others to do my shit for me, I do it. Sometimes I need to be reminded, because my “To Do” list is made up of like 6 billion little yellow sticky pads. I sometimes feel like the dude in the movie “A Beautiful Mind”.
THIS IS THE ONE:
74- Here is an original one. If you don’t want to see me in the TOP 20, then vote for me now and if I get close to the TOP20 you can unvote me and make sure I don’t get in there! So, although you are voting for me NOW, you can unvote me later on when it really counts! So yeah, you need to vote to be able to unvote. Tell me this isn’t an ‘original’ thing to do!
75- Did I mention that I can’t sing for shit? Well, that is seriously a good reason not to vote for me.
75 and ½ . Well, this one is because the one before was already mentioned earlier. Obviously I suck at cheating. There, that is a great reason not to vote for me.
76- Ohhhh, here is one for all the tea drinkers out there. I don’t mind a nice cuppa every now and then, but I like it with milk or with a dab of rum in it. I know that one of these usually drives a tea drinker up the wall, so there it is. Hate me for it, just hate me, kill meeeeeee, unvote meeeee, don’t vote for meeeeee.
77- Ohhh, this is probably the most appropriate one of all. If I give you something, then that is it. It’s done. Next day it’s in the past and I don’t mention it in any way unless you bring it up. Often enough because I forget about it. However, sometimes, depending on the situation this old PC on my shoulders remembers stuff in the most peculiar moments! So yeah, if you want me to remember stuff like that, forget it, good chance it’s not going to happen. You can’t count on me for stuff like that. Maybe a good thing from one angle, but it sucks, when someone asks me “Do you remember.....???” and I’m like “NO”.
78- I still keep all my old pants, in the hope that I will slim down into them. Now this one definitely gives someone a good reason not to vote for me.
79- Ohhh SCOTCH drinkers out there, I enjoy a nice scotch whisky a couple of times in the year. Just sip on it.
HOEWEVER, back when I was a teen, the $5 jug of scotch and coke was the go. It was cheap and people ordered it often and I never said ‘NO’. Sacrilege, I know. So there, once upon a time I was one of “them”. Enough reason for any person who enjoys his/her scotch to not vote for me.
THE BEST OF ALL
80- Here is THE BEST REASON NOT TO VOTE FOR ME, you only have 30 votes. Vote for someone who is at a lower rank, help them jump up on this “ladder” and give them a chance. Even if I’m not a TOP20 Witness, BIG DEAL, share the love. There it is, this is THE BEST REASON OF ALL TO NOT VOTE FOR ME.
81- You feel important and can’t handle that others are not as useless and unsuccessful as you, hence you would rather drag them down and piss and shit all over them instead of working towards the goals you feel you should be getting because ‘you are you’. Well, FUCK YOU, you jealous pricks, please do not vote for me. FUCK OFF & GO GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP!
82- I don’t shave regularly. Yes, I am enjoying this so much, it is fantastic. So if you are one of those people who just has to shave every morning, no matter what the situation, there it is.
83- I am Australian, but I respect all my US brothers and sisters who are loyal to their homeland and nation. This I will NEVER deny, nor will I ever turn my back on them. No politics, no nationalism, just something in me that was forged in me during my life experiences and shall be there til the day I die. Some things are for life, no matter what some may think. HOOOOOOOOAH! So if you don’t like this about me, there it is.
84- I’m getting old and am not as full of youth and energy as I was once upon a time. So if you don’t like older people, well, there it is. But remember, you will get old too one day!
85- I’m enjoying this post way too much. So there is another reason to not vote for me.
This is not as easy as it seems, from joking around, to adding a few serious ones in there, the mind can only list out so many things at any one time. But I am a stubborn person, no giving up now. Must list 101 reasons. 101 shall be the funniest of all, as it isn’t my idea, but that of a fellow Steem witness who has his own style of humour!
86- I have become an old granny style of driver. Used to drive fast back in the day, but now, nahhh, just cruise and enjoy the experience. So if you are an angry, aggressive speeding maniac on the roads, yeah sure, stick your middle finger up at me for cruising along, I won’t respond unless I have a piece on me. Then you could have the need for speed! Either way, could be a reason not to vote for me.
87- Did I mention the fact that I don’t put up with BS and BS Artists?
Probably did, so I guess that I can’t use it twice.
87- I’m not a gamer. So if you are a gamer and this is good enough a reason not to vote for me, there it is.
88- I tend to let the odd swear word our when speaking. Not like I really care about what it sounds like as long as my message is LOUD AND CLEAR. So yeah, you can use this as a reason not to vote for me.
89- I actually endorse practical solutions, so if you like red tape and all the fussing around that comes with it, too bad, so sad. Another reason to not want to vote for me.
90- I did this as a kid. Would do it today too, but it would have to be one heck of a steel reinforced washing hoist/line. Still a kid at heart. Enough not to vote for me, I guess.
Source
91- It wasn’t me.
Well, although this sign wasn’t my doing, I wouldn’t put it past me!
Would take a nut case like me to make this typo “1. GRAB BEER” instead of “1. GRAB BEERS”, never was the best at the little details. Enough to not vote for me.
92- I’m enjoying podcasts. It’s a new thing that I just recently got into. I seem to be enjoying it way tooooo much and tbh, I never was much of a writer. Never claimed to be a William Shakespeare! So there, if you can’t stand those who are not bloggers only, sure, go for it. Shoot me.
93- Shit, I’m practically at a mental block for ideas here. There, that is a good enough reason to unvote me or not vote for me, or vote for me then wait til I get close to TOP20 and unvote me. Whatever.
94- I don’t hide the fact that I’m religious. More precisely a Christian. Baptized in the Catholic Church or as some would have me go into more definition, The Roman Catholic Church. This could be enough reason for some people out there not to vote for me. IDK. Whatever.
95- I don’t do the dishes or vacuuming regularly. Yes, that’s me. If you can’t stand people who aren’t psychos as far as that sort of stuff goes, well, there you have it. Another reason not to vote for me.
96- I paid for my witness server 12 months in advance. So no matter how much anyone likes it or not, I’m not quitting, no matter what the price of Steem drops to. Too bad so sad. So if you think that I will quit if I drop in rank on the witness ladder and not be in the plus, you’re wrong. Plus all my money from my witness server this year is going to charity. Too bad so sad. I guess this info alone is enough to piss some psychotically frustrated people off! But yeah, if it bugs you, then don’t vote for me.
97- It’s your vote, you can do whatever you like. I’m not going to tell you to vote for me or not vote for me or unvote me. I’m sure that there are enough twofaced backstabbing turdpies out there who go around doing stuff like that. So yeah, if you don’t like the fact that I don’t go around talking bullshit about others, then I’m not your man.
98- Did I mention that I don’t have grass stains on my knees? Or nametags on my shoelaces?
Ohhh I did, yeah, so this doesn’t count.
Let me try that again.
98- I have a coffee mug that is labelled “my mug” it’s not very original. Guess that could be a reason not to vote for me. Here is my mug shot to prove it.
99- If you haven’t found a reason to not vote for me above, then man, this one here should make it an easy decision.
I have grey hairs.
& I have no intention to colour them black again. Not very photogenic as such. Hell, do you really want a person with grey hair being one of your 30 witnesses? Seriously.
100- Man, anyone who can think of 100 reasons not to vote for them deserves a round of applause and seriously, if you can’t find one reason above not to vote for me, then just make one up. I seriously can’t think of any more at this stage. Flat out of reasons.
&
101..........
As per the words of @sircork the first and foremost reason is that I am not SIRCORK.
Well, I’ll give him that one, I sure am not a SIRCORK!
But in his wonderful and colourful mind I bet this is the best reason out of all the reasons why you should not vote for me.
I LOVE THIS REASON, especially because it came from SIRCORK himself making it that much funnier and lovable!
There we have it, if this doesn't make life easier for you in your decision making process when voting for witnesses, then idk what can.
Wishing everyone a good one.
Yours truly
I vote for you not for any reason beyond you are a honest and humble individual unlike some floating about. Mad props, keep being yourself mate, always got my vote.
ok i will not vote for you ...
Do not vote for Jack. He is not me.
beware imposters and counterfeit corks!
Staying with reason #74... until you make it to the sacred 20. 😎
LMAO! Good stuff man, think 16 and 22 were my favs :P
If anyone needs just one reason to vote for you, this post is it. Awesome stuff, especially for an Aussie! ;-)
Hilarious, thanks for the laugh.
Already voted for you, so I guess I'll have to wait for you to approach Top 20 now. ,-)
Posted using Partiko Android
7 of us agree this is our favorite! only a few of the "other guys" have threatened to kill us and they are pissed at you for this... just sayin... they want to talk! (The hostage situations were no joking matter)
I gave up reading after about 20 reasons.
It’s less effort to do nothing than to unvote you. So for now, you have my approval. 😛
Hi @jackmiller! We are @steem-ua, a new Steem dApp, computing UserAuthority for all accounts on Steem. Starting from the witnesses, UA propagates from user to user based on its followers until equilibirum is reached. We are currently in test modus upvoting quality contributions with a high UA value (UA_author + UA_post)! Your UA_post value is 41.221.
What is the UserAuthority used for exactly? a more accurate reputation rating system I am guessing?
Yes, you could say that!
We'll explain in-depth in our soon to be published Intro Post, stay tuned! ;-)