Got any good lawyer jokes?
Ever wonder what the difference is between a dead lawyer on the road and a dead snake on the road? There are tire marks in front of the snake! (rim shot please!)
I am a lawyer, so I can say things like this. I kid. Anyone can tell a good lawyer joke. Many of us actually have a sense of humor. I try to help give the profession a good name and am often proud to hear people say that I am not "the typical lawyer." You just cannot always defend what lawyers are bringing to (or draining from) society. My law school Dean tried to do so on the first day of our orientation. He tried to tackle this beauty of a line from Shakespeare:
"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers".
(2 Henry VI, 4.2.59), Dick the Butcher to Jack Cade
By "tried to tackle", I mean he insisted that Dick the Butcher's idea to kill us all was actually a compliment because of the idea that it gave recognition to the vital role we play in maintaining an orderly and high functioning society. I have always felt that there were probably some less complimentary and more down-to-earth interpretations of this line. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
Please do not mistake me. We do a lot of good things and most of us are truly interested in making the world a better place. But seriously, we all know that there are some really bad odors coming from some of our colleagues the world over. Here are some examples:
Have you stopped to get an actual look at this guy who is "representing" "Stormy Daniels"? It is probably only a technicality that he is still licensed to practice law. Here's a decent summary of some of his recent goings on (https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2018-05-16/avenatti-calls-reporter-asshole-says-other-lawyers-jealous-his-success) I think Avenatti is the type of lawyer and person that possesses only moderate legal talent and might be most prolific at getting under people's skin and stirring up trouble. The best thing I can say about him is he probably has a bright future at CNN #fakenews.
The US Congress has a combined 222 lawyers serving in the House and Senate.(https://www.quora.com/How-many-of-the-United-States-current-senators-and-congressmen-are-lawyers)
Eric Schneiderman (https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/four-women-accuse-new-yorks-attorney-general-of-physical-abuse)
Bill, Hillary, Barack, Michelle...and I could go on but you get my drift.
The Donald is always criticized for having an army of lawyers as if this group is comprised of some sort of evil creatures from other planets. He probably needs to lay off the use of lawyers the way he needs to lay off the use of McDonalds as a caterer.
Most lawyers do not deserve to be associated with the above all-stars of advocacy. Most of us are pretty harmless. In fact, it got so cold in Toronto this past winter that several of us were even observed putting our hands in our own pockets (laugh track!). The above schemers and grifters all seem to think their smarter than the rest of us and that they can dance circles around the rest of us legally to get away with anything they wish. I cannot help but think that being a lawyer has something to do with it in each case.
CW