Becoming...

Hello,
If you seeing this well it has been a while i have been here. Over the past couple of months a lot has happened a whole lot, some i saw coming others i didn't.

Last year December was my last semsester in the University, excited i was no spill overs, brighter future ahead and you know all the excitement that comes with getting a degree.

Well life wasn't going to be that perfect for me. My dad got cancer around july last year, he did not tell us about it just complained about cold and the usual. Yes i know you might be asking did we not see symptoms, unusual weight loss and all that, well my dad doesn't stay with us at least not always and no there was no divorce, he just happend to be working in another country.

Like every new year we always start on a high note, we all did at home, spoke to my dad over the phone and all. We even talked about what i planned to do after my first degree, jop prospects and the likes. Then come February the cat was out of the bag, my dad was in intensive care had to use life support , yes it was that bad. He started chemo, to me it did a lot worse than good. For four months my dad was in the hospital battling for his life, fighting hard. We kept on praying, hoping and wishing he would get better. Sometimes the Doctors said he was doing fine at other times they had nothing to report but tell us he had slim chances of survival. We kept on hoping...

Around April this year, i had to go back home from college, believe me February to April were tough long days of crying and waking up at nights alone with my uncertainty and anxiety killing me. When my mama asked me to come back home i didn't suspect anything.
Got home then about five minutes later mama broke down and told me dad couldn't make it. There i was my life shattering before me. I hadn't completed my final year thesis and still had my final exams to take. Well i had to be strong for mama and my siblings so i couldn't break down also.

The nights got longer and colder and the pain was more than ever. I wished we had seen him before he died that wasn't my first or second or third wish, hell no. I wished he never died, never got cancer. They say when the pain is deepest you don't have the right words to explain it, i couldn't tell my friends in school, i just couldn't talk to anyone about it.

I had to return back to school, but before i did all those nights i spent at home, i woke up at night to hear mama crying sometimes i would work up to her room and try my best to console her other times i stay in my room crying...

I would be pouring out details of what's going on my life, i would try to do so each day well that's if i find the courage to do so. I am doing this cause aside my family i don't have someone else to pour out my emotions to and it is eating me up..

I don't know who gets to read this and my subsequents post, all i ask is you say a silent prayer for my family and i.