You’ve shared yourself authentically, which is to your credit. I lived with these feelings for so long, but have finally escaped through education and earnest philosophical inquiry.

You are not the problem. The culture is deeply broken. You have been made to believe that it is YOU who are broken. This has been done to you on purpose - not BY the people directly around you, but by proxy THROUGH them.

Man is a programmable being with free will. A contradiction, you say? The mind can be programmed, but we have free will to choose which programs we admit into our system. This free will can only be exercised deliberately if we are aware of our circumstances and knowledgeable about how all of this works.

There’s too much to say in this reply - I encourage you to scroll through my blog, particularly the early articles. I’ve only been here a few months and do not post or resteem often, so it wouldn’t take too long. Read what seems relevant and grabs your interest. I promise there is a way out.