Life

Confused, dazed and not knowing what to expect next. These are the feelings that have been daunting me these past few weeks.

Uncertainty.

There are no right nor wrong answers to life. There are just your answers. Which is the outcome of the decisions you make and actions you take. In short, your approach to life.

We as humans are selfish creatures by nature. We tend to think we want what's best for everyone but most of the time, we only do what's best for us. What I mean by this is not by acts of kindness such as philanthropy, charity work and such. Rather, I'm speaking from psychological standpoint of this and how we would be perceived by others. The decisions we make need to benefit us in some way or another, otherwise there is no point doing said action. For example, you being there for a person in their time of need, their shoulder to cry on, their person to rely on (see what I did there!). Do we do this base on the fact we want to help the person or is it more to the fact that we want to strengthen our social bond between people because we wouldn't want to feel this way ourselves? Every action you make, is a selfish one no matter how you look at it. We know this for a fact yet we blame others for hurting us when something arises.

There is no better way to understand a selfish person than to start with the most selfish person. Myself.

I am going through a transition period whereby I'm neither here nor there. What I mean by this is I feel like everything is stagnant. I feel like I've hit rock bottom, when in actual fact rock bottom is much farther down. From a relationship standpoint, like many others I have had many ups and downs. I've tried everything from blind dating to speed dating to casual dating etc. Because of this I've had my share of happiness and joy, sadness and heartbreak, anger and confusion. At times, this has caused me to doubt myself. Thinking I'm not good enough. Over time, my feelings began to grow numb and I feel as though I've become immune to 'petty' feelings like these. This isn't true. We tend to overly glamourise others, especially those whom we wish to impress. When it doesn't go our way, we react by either feeling the need to reassure ourselves by telling ourselves that they were the problem or by feeling depressed about not being good enough. From a friendship standpoint, I've also tried everything from mixing up with a small groups to making friends with everyone in a community to even getting to know people from an entirely different circle. This worked out fine for awhile but it felt off. Like something was missing. In all honesty, I figured all I wanted from others was their attention. That feeling of not being someone's extra luggage that they talk to when they feel the need to but rather someone who they enjoy talking to and making conversation with. Be it through random texts or lengthy intellectual conversations, the important thing was someone would be there for you for being you. I said previously that we all know that everyone is selfish, yet we claim we don't understand why others would do things that hurt us. Ironic isn't it. What I've gathered from all of this is, pleasing people is taxing and that you really can't please everybody. So I did what a selfish person would naturally do. I stopped talking to everyone. As I write this, the number of people I talk to on a daily basis can be counted on one hand. Because of this, maybe my feelings of loneliness and depression are justified. A void that was once filled with people which is now empty. I can't say for certain if this is exactly what I wanted but I can for certain say that it has been a good self-realisation journey.

With that I conclude my post. It might have sounded like a rant. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't.

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Let me know what you guys think down below on what sort of life phase you're in. I usually write or share posts on crypto, psychology and such. Do follow me if you're interested in topics like these!! ~Dan