I Can't Have Everything, But I Can Appreciate Others Having It

I was invited to a Bat Mitzvah this weekend. I was so excited to go. I'm fascinated by humanity. I'm fascinated by cultures. I'm intrigued by Jewishness, and I've never been to any Jewish functions. Once my family and I had the privilege of being invited to a Sikh gurdwara in Salt Lake City for their Sunday service. It was like heaven to me. Being immersed in the customs of another culture is like traveling to another country for a few hours!

I was invited to Friday night Shabbat service, the Saturday Bat Mitzvah service, and the Bat Mitzvah party. I snatched up my opportunity to attend all three!

I've always been envious of my Jewish acquaintances for their sense of belonging and community. But these services showed me that sense of community on a deeper level than I expected it. It goes deep. It's like everyone there (except me) belongs to an elite club. Each person is honored and revered. I noticed this in people's interactions. The way people looked at people and touched each other. Even the way the Rabbi spoke to the congregation and the Bat Mitzvahs. Even the children were paid a lot of attention to and were honored in a way I've not seen before. Everybody touched each other. Men kissed men on the cheeks and hugged with deep admiration and affection.

It was such a celebration of life. Their worship of God (which didn't strike me as a man in the sky, or any concrete being, but rather a non-concrete idea) was celebratory and happy, not dreadful and scary like the Christianity I've experienced. They spoke the names of dead people from their community at the end of both services, and I was struck both times by the care the Rabbi took in naming each of their names rather than running down a list. Even the dead are part of this community. A worldwide community that's ancient. These traditions passed down and down and down over thousands of years. How special. What a cool thing to be a part of. And I could really feel how each person who's part of that feels that pride and belonging and carries it around with them everywhere they go. It's ingrained in their humanity.

And that's something I've always longed for. See, I don't belong anywhere. Only with my life partner of 18 years, and we float through life feeling like orphans on this planet I guess, together. What would it feel like to belong to something like that? What would it feel like to have love all around you like that? What would it feel like to be so well connected and to have a place to fall? What would it be like to have a sense of heritage?

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When I woke up this morning, the first thought that entered my mind was, "I can't have everything I want. But I can revel in others having what I want." We're eternal beings who are always in process. As soon as we get what we want, it ignites another desire for us to become. This happens for eternity. Yes, I've drifted. That's the beauty of my life. No, I don't have that sense of belonging. I've been free like the wind, and I appreciate that. That's what I chose for this life. But I can appreciate and revel in those people having that. And what's the difference between them having it and me having it? It exists. I can't be a free spirit like the wind and have had that. I wouldn't be who I am today. Maybe there will be something like that in my future. (After all, my mom did tell me that my Grandpa's dad was Jewish. Maybe I can get into the elite club. 😁) And maybe not. But they have that. It already exists somewhere. And I can revel in their having it. I can do that with anything: money, a pair of shoes I want, someone's beautiful hair, someone's sense of humor, someone's way with words... It's all all of ours.

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