How DO I Tell What is Real & What is *just* Hormones?
So I've made no secret of the fact that I'm in my 40's. I'll be 47 in a few months. Ever since I hit 40, things have been different to say the least.
I've always struggled with horrible mood swings with PMS, with depression and bipolar issues. I have lived with dissociative identity disorder (used to be called multiple personalities) for years, although it's been a good long while since I've had to deal with that upheaval, it is still a part of my history.
That being said, it feels like things kind of almost settled there for a while... and then 40 hit. My body rebelled and my emotional rollercoaster changed lanes and moved to a bigger, badder, totally new amusement park. A horror movie themed park. It's like I know that storms are going to come eventually, but I have no radar for them anymore. They don't come when they're scheduled... Approaching menopause is like Global warming. It's wreaking havoc and nothing is working the way it's supposed to. It’s nearly impossible to plan for anything, because you never know if it’s going to be a nice sunny day or a complete fucking hurricane. My poor family needs a warning system.
Screw that. I need a warning system.
Now, more than ever, I really struggle with knowing what is "real" and what is reasonable. When I get horribly upset with someone or some event or some action... I can get enraged and know that I'm reacting in an over-the-top way. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm overreacting and some times I just feel like I shut down completely and don't react at all. It's almost like I just give up. I know that I can totally overreact to something when I'm PMSing/depressed and react in a way that causes unnecessary pain for others and myself.
I'd learned most of my 'cues' over the years, but now everything is flipped upside down and side ways half the time. I never know whether I'm justifiably upset or being ridiculous about things.
It's really causing me a lot of fairly constant stress and the ebb and flow of ALL THE THINGS and all the fluctuations... I need a clue.
So, now here I am, getting close to celebrating 24 years of marriage with a man who has been endlessly supportive of me throughout the years. His profession of love has been unfailing and his devotion to me has been solid. Always.
But we're struggling. A lot. He's been struggling with depression that has went from being a seasonal depression thing to an all year long thing. It's dragging us both down and making it really difficult to function. I feel like we've now spent YEARS with one of us barely holding the other one up until they feel better, then the 'support' person collapses into their own pit of despair.
We're both working on our issues. We've both made life changes, we're both working pretty consistently on improving our health, etc.
But all of that SUPER simplified synopsis leads me to my current (and somewhat long running) problem.
I know that my hormones are making me feel a little crazy from time to time. I know that the fact that my emotions are reeling from hormonal fluctuations can sometimes make things seem far worse than they are... but I'm also realistic enough to know that sometimes things are just SHITTY. Sometimes I have every reason to feel hurt, furious or just upset.
My problem is that I can't seem to tell the difference between true emotions that are a real, honest and reasonable reaction to the situation I'm in and when I'm overreacting in a big way.
It's causing me a lot of anguish, honestly. I feel like I have no way of telling if I'm seeing things through a filter of "hormonal exaggeration" or if I'm seeing things the way they really are.
I'm struggling with this a LOT, pretty much on a daily basis. I'm worried about my relationship, because I know that sometimes I'm probably overreacting, but I just CAN NOT TELL.
How do I know if it's 'just me'? How do I know if I'm rightfully pissed off or hurt about something? I'm all about being honest and keeping the lines of communication open, but I also don't want to cause undue strain or hurt someone else if my own feelings are just being pushed and pulled because of all the hormonal shit going on in my own brain!
AHHHHHHHH! Sometimes being a woman sucks.
I'm not sure how we're all going to get through my years of peri-menopause, people!!!
My friend gave me the advice
Try to think of it as if you're hearing it from a friend. What advice would you give her?
That is great advice, but still not always accurate. I Did find, though, that talking my problems out with this particular friend helped a lot. She is in a very similar situation, she is a lot like me. Her husband is a lot like mine. We have a ridiculous number of similarities and struggles that are SO alike. That means that I can vent to her, confess my 'horrible' thoughts, my moods, my irrational and rational thoughts... and she gets me. She not only GETS me, but because she has such a similar marriage, she can hear me, understand and also understand a bit more about my husband than a lot of my friends can. Even when he's driving me to pick my ass and I want to walk out the door, I know he's not actually a jerk. He's trying. I'm trying... it's just not always easy.
At any rate, I'm really curious, especially if you're a woman who deals with hormonal mood swings that come with menopause and the like... how do you tell when you're being unreasonable? How do you decide which things need to be dealt with/acted on? How do you deal when you ARE being unreasonable?
And some of my other more recent posts:
Weekend Freewrite: To Change Our Fate
Sunday Funnies: When Cats Get Bored, Letters from a Boat Cat
Mommy Monday: Puppet Making, Part 4 (Making Poseable Hands)
Try Something NEW Tuesday: I did a Rap Karaoke Video!
Fiction: Short Writing Challenge "A Dog's Story"
I am diagnosed as Bi-polar with low grade OCD and acquired PTSD later on. There are a ton of things that affect my mood but only fewI can control myself. One of the things is my diet, there is scientific proof that blood sugar levels influence mental illness and that fluctuating levels can trigger episodes. Sleep is a factor that can influence as well but it not always something one can control . It is imperative to keep blood levels consistent and avoid spikes this means that you need to make sure you know what you are eating and how it reacts with your body. You need to eat several small meals a day consistently and avoid over eating or not eating enough. For me my episodes slashed them self in half when I went from vegetarian to vegan. And I have heard from other vegans that going vegan helped them substantially as well (but there is no scientific data to back this part). Not sleeping does not help either. As for not knowing what is real, it all is. You just are more sensitive at times so it hits harder but it does not make those emotions fake they are just amplified.
I actually feel best when I go low carb and eat more meat/protein. I find it fascinating how different we all are.
I know that my feelings are real... but there is definitely times when I am overreacting and my reactions are not justified. I don't want to hurt other people because I'm overreacting to things that are just amplified because of my hormonal state. It's all well and good for me to say "my feelings are REAL!" but if I'm then hurting others with my reactions, that's not okay. Especially if the next day I realize that I was absolutely overreacting to something because of the hormones coursing through my system.
outside of the ethical issues and the cancer risk meat is not the issue dairy is, it is known to screw with hormone levels and influence blood sugar negatively. So maybe go dairy free and go high protein plants and keep eating the corpse i guess?!I wish there was more help I could offer :(
Lol. Maybe so.
Are you on synthetic meds? While it's not likely your docs would consider weaning you off these money-making prescriptions, I'd encourage you to look into holistic forms of healing, including but not limited to yoga, and natural herbs and teas to help offset the triggers.
Of course, a good daily devotional helps steady one for the day. I authored an e-book which I have read daily for years.
I believe emotions are learned behaviors that are mimicked from our parents OR acts that we have not taught ourselves to overcome. For example, if you 'act out' whether you intended to or not, doing an unpleasant task reminds you to count to ten and then again....when needed.
With a house full of young adults, I can imagine things being a little overwhelming with all of the flighty expectations associated with those years...from proms to student-loan debts.
My advice regarding such is tell them they can have what THEY can afford to pay cash for ;+)...
Regarding foods, I believe people should eat what their bodies crave; even though I'm currently suffering the effects of eating strawberries. But, anyhoo, all will be will if you remove all the labels from your life and accept you are who God created you to be. Love you for you. Accept you for you. There's a mental diagnosis for every day of the year...smh...rme...Stop wearing labels. You'll feel better just erasing those letters behind your name.
Btw, a hot cup or two or three or four...lol...of chammomille tea is worth a try for calming nerves. And, you'd be surprised how much better you'll feel monitoring what music you allow in your eargate...I notice you mentioned Eminem in another post...omgoodness...that could really cause a swing of moods for anybody...lol...
Best regards.
Peace.
I'm not on any Rx meds. Never really have been other than trying them in my 20's. I have pretty much always used natural remedies. I rarely ever used prescription meds in raising my kids (I was one of those weirdos doing the home birth and half of my kids have still to this day never been to the Dr. for illnesses.)
I am not religious anymore, so devotions of that type aren't my thing, but I have started the habit of meditating every morning... and have recently started adding stretching/yoga/exercise to my mornings as well. It definitely does help!
My young adult humans aren't the problem at all. I never really had any problems with them that way. really ever. They take care of their own things money wise because we've never had extra and they were fine with that. Most of them live on their own outside of the house, but they do stop by quite often to visit and bring me fixing's for meals together and whatnot.
I don't "wear" labels, but it is easier for other people to understand what I'm talking about and not give silly advice like "Well just act happy and you'll be fine" I hate even using labels or daignosis at all, but it makes it much easier to communicate in a faster and more efficient way to get the point across. If nothing else, I feel like those "labels" are things I've overcome, not things that I "AM" currently. They are things that in my opinion show the strength and resilience I've had to work through things (and thus am not naive when it comes to things of an emotional nature, which I thought was relevant to this topic).
Lol... I rarely ever listen to music at all. My daughter and I listen to some CDs in the car, but I'm honestly in the car about once a week for 30 minutes. :) Generally I just listen to my daughter play the guitar and ukulele.
I think you've somehow gotten a vastly interesting and yet inaccurate picture of who I am from reading a few posts. I'm kind of astounded, actually as to how I've given off such a complete wrong impression.
Now granted, I'm not a little Suzy Homemaker by any stretch of the imagination and as I said, I'm not religious. Still, I think I've given you the wrong idea on many levels. Maybe I need to just stick to fiction writing :)
I've suffered with PMS for many years and it seems the older I get the worse it gets. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through with the added challenge starting menopause. It's good to hear you have a friend that you can be so open and honest with, besides talking it out I wouldn't know what other advice to give you. Hang in there I'm sure it will settle once all the hormones relax again, until then just keep managing it and talking about it. Thinking of you.
Thanks. The problem for me is that this stage of 'peri-menopause' is so... vague and LONG lasting! I don't want to just wait it out (because honestly, that isn't working well for me!)
My PMS was horrible, but it was so firmly scheduled for most of my life that I eventually got to a point where I knew not to make any big decisions or not to get into arguments/whatever when it was "that time"... now I just never know what is hormonal mood swings and what is legit, reasonable reactions to things. Like, I can tell that freaking out because I spilled a glass of water is overreacting... but if I freak out over something that someone I love says or does, I really want to know that I'm being at least MOSTLY reasonable about my response. I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but I'm trying to communicate! :)
It sounds like you are freaking out a tad. When the unreasonable becomes unscheduled then we can't cope. We can't cope because we didn't plan to feel this way. Whenever we can't plan then we loose the plot. I am here, I truly am. And not to sound like all those whackjobs but I have too. Breathing is supposed to work, I just always thought I was doing it wrong. You are truly in my thoughts and I truly wish I could be of more help.
Also, I have to add this... I keep seeing the scene from Super Troopers where the cop says, "You ARE freaking out, MAN." If you haven't seen that particular scene, it probably won't make any sense, but it makes me laugh every time I think of it. So, thank you for the probably totally unintended laugh :)
I think that writing just eases my stress. Getting this stuff out of my head and onto paper just makes everything feel lighter, even if it just makes me look like a mental case! :)
Writing is an excellent release for me too. Writing whatever I want also helps. If people think I'm a whackjob then so be it. It's mine as I wrote it and that's all that matters ❤.
It's not a huge deal as far as having hormonal things. I know it's part of life. I just really wish that when I was IN the midst of it that I could just TELL "Hey, chill. This is just because hormones are causing you to feel like things are bigger than they are!" but in the moment, that is just not possible.
For instance, today? I feel great. Last night? I felt great! Yesterday morning? I felt hopeless and like nothing would ever be good again. Even KNOWING that this happens to me a lot, it still drives me nuts that in the moment, I can't see the forest for the trees.
You poor thing, that all sounds horrific. There may be something in what @tygertygertyger is saying, as I've been vegan/vegetarian for most of my life and though I'm mid-50s I've had no problems at all, mental or physical...... or maybe I'm just damned lucky.
You might be damn lucky :) At any rate, I know at this stage of life going vegan isn't in the cards. Vegetarian Maaayyyyyybe, but even then, I don't handle carbs well, especially not wheat/grains, so I think it would be more of a challenge than I'm willing to take on at this stage.
I know that my diet plays a role, for sure. I've been making a lot of healthy changes and new habits over the past year, but these hormones... ahhhh... it's just no fun sometimes.
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