When you have the need to shut the world out.
Many people suffer with depression and so do I because I have bipolar disorder. Life is exhausting for me, I hate getting up in the morning, I can't sleep, I over think things.
Does it make me any less of a person than you? The answer is NO, I just analyze things differently to you. I see the world in a different setting compared to you. Just because I am battling a mental illness does not make me weak. It makes me strong because I chose to keep fighting, I chose to seek help and get medication too help me cope with everyday life. Some people do not understand what it's like because you have never had to live in the shoes of someone that is constantly fighting a war within their own head. Your thoughts can become so overwhelming sometimes, at times I just want the world to stop so I can get off.
Your emotions are like a roller coaster one moment you are happy, sad or angry. You don't even know why? it just happens and you can't control it. Know this I do not seek sympathy from no one, I am sharing the facts because there are so many people in this life that is fighting the same battle I am. People look and point fingers and treat me as if I do not belong just because I am different. You do not see me judging you so do not judge me if you do not know my story. No I am not crazy my brain just never knows what emotion or feeling to apply when, and most of the time it's up and down there is no balance. Insomnia kills me because I can never stop thinking or hearing the thoughts raging on in my head, I can be awake for 48hours and keep going. It is the worst thing to be tired and all you want to do is sleep but no your thoughts never seem to know when to shut up do they!
No matter how bad things has ever gotten I have always found a way to make it though, to keep on going because life is beautiful you just need to find the things that make you happy and hold onto to them.
If you are battling depression too, I hope that you will find motivation in my words and strength to keep fighting, because we are strong people even though we are fighting our own war...
"The bravest thing I have ever done was continuing to live when I wanted to die". - Juliette Lewis
You're not alone. I would imagine there are millions of people in the world who have no idea they are bipolar. For all I know, I could be. I've never been diagnosed but I definitely have insomnia and I can definitely relate to a lot of the things you say. Thank you for the Post
@big.ock thank you very much, I appreciate those words. It is really hard sometimes but we understand one another on a level not everyone else can relate too. I appreciate you sharing that with me. Just keep fighting :)
It is nice to see that you can openly talk abouth it and give us an idea on the things that people with bipolar disorder have to deal with every day. I heard abouth this disorder before buth only the technical stuff. I could never imaging how exhausting it should be. If i hear now that someone i know has this bipolar disorder, i will be able to understand them a little better thanks to your story. And i know you dont expect people to feel sorry or something buth i just want to say how much respect i have for people that struggle every day to feel happy and never give up!
@liketimmy thank you so much for the word of encouragement. It is very hard to openly talk about it because people in this world just don't care, but it is never an easy road to walk alone. Bipolar disorder sucks to be completely honest most of the time it is as if you are on auto pilot when you are just so exhausted. There is not many supportive people like you in the world and that to me means a lot. I am glad I could assist you in understanding a bit better so you can help others also understand better. Thank you, I have attempted the easy way out many times but I always thought about the sadness I would leave behind if I was not here anymore so many people depend on me. That gave me strength to keep fighting, once again thank you. You have inspired me. I also read your post on how you can't find a way to be happy for your dad. You know no one will ever replace your mom, and it's very heart breaking because you want him to be happy but at the same time you are afraid of his new girlfriend taking over your mom place and that my friend will never happen. It is also very hard and lonely for him too not being able to share something with someone, but remember your mom for all the good times. I am pretty sure that your dads girlfriend will be a lovely lady get to know one another when you are ready. No need to rush :)
I wish more people took the time to talk to eachother and try to understand. Wars are going on just because people dont try to understand eachother. If everyone always talks abouth world peace and respect for everyone, why dont they take the effort to listen and try to understand why people sometimes think or react differently then they expected? I dont know wich wise man said this buth:" If you want to change the world, you have to start with yourself." and that is what most people just dont want to see.
I also want to thank you for your opinion on my little problem. I felt so selfish and even considered not going to my brothers wedding because i have to sit across my dad's new girlfriend buth now i think i'm just gonna give it a try and at least show to my dad that i am glad he found happiness again. Even if it's gonna take some time for me to accept her sitting in the place where my mam used to be. I guess she deserves a fair chance, after all it is not her fault that my mam died. Thanks for discussing this with me. I'm glad we met ;)
That is very true the biggest problem is miscommunication. War is really brutal people lose mothers,fathers, sons and daughters. War is a bloody river and if people could just stop to communicate then just maybe the world would be a better place. Indeed I believe you can't expect to change the world if you are not willing to start with yourself. We should be grateful because we got up this morning and if every person could just contribute we can make a difference. I wish people could just understand each other better but people don't take the time, people focus too much on the problem instead of finding solutions. You are welcome, you know it is not easy but your brother needs you, it is so important to be there because time waits for no one, and when you lose that time you can never get it back. Only by loss do you realize you should have been there. Being supportive is the best thing you could do. I am so sorry that your mom passed away, dealing with that is extremely hard and those wounds never heal. Never have hatred in your heart it only poisons your own heart and you end up losing yourself, honestly it is not worth it...It is hard to take the first step but you should never feel obligated or pressured, let it be on your own time when you are ready. Acceptance is the first step to being able to move forward, but it will come :-) It is an honor to meet you and thank you for sharing your story with me. You are a very strong person and I honestly respect you, I have no idea what it's like to not have a mom anymore but she would want you to be happy and I am pretty sure she is proud of the person you are today.
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