LIFE: WHEN LOVE IS OVER
The phases of a break, with its nuances and distances, according to experts, are similar to those of a duel. "Sometimes, it is even more painful because when someone dies, the folder closes, while in the break you know that the person is there, but he does not want to be with you anymore," Ramírez says.
Some authors and manuals speak up to five phases. Ana Sierra, a psychologist and sexual and couple therapist, explains what happens in each one of them. "A first phase would be denial, where we do not accept that the relationship is over, and we still hope to recover that person." The second would be anger, anger and anger, in which the reasons for what happened, both in you (what I have done wrong) and in the other person, then the negotiation phase, in which you start looking for solutions, the fourth one covers a period where you experience sadness and pain itself , and you want to mourn that pain, and finally, the acceptance comes, in which you assume what has happened ". Some authors also present a sixth phase: assimilation. In it, everything is overcome, assimilated, and you can talk about it without getting excited.
According to the manuals of Psychiatry or Psychology, Ramírez mentions, there is actually a time of mourning that can last up to two years, but really, that time is very relative and personal. However, "you can advance that process, maintaining an active attitude and not letting what happened block your life". And if necessary, ask for professional help, adds Sierra, and the sooner, the better.
The key is, above all, to accept the situation, to recognize that the story has ended and know how to put the final point. Do not fix your goal to recover, says Ramírez, but to accept: "Do not beg for love to the other person, do not ask for love to those who do not want to be with you" because, "couples are to enjoy themselves, not to suffer", says bluntly .
"The emotional break is one of the most stressful events, of change, that we live," says Juan Macias, a psychologist and specialist in couples therapy.
