Introduction

These past few weeks, I've been feeling very demotivated, very stagnant and very what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-with-my-life-that's-worth-while. For people who have read my previous post on passion and should it matter or not, you would understand why.

Because of this, I've been trying to do a lot of introspection. I've been discussing this topic with my colleagues, with friends, with family and with strangers to try to get as much insight as possible. In the end, my conclusion is that it is all about EXPECTATIONS. It may sound simple or straight forward, but hear me out.

Do you love or are you IN LOVE?

I initially thought about this concept for LOVE, but after some thought, I realized it works in all aspects of life as well. But lets see how this concept works first.

For anyone who knows me, my relationships never last long. The longest I've been seeing a girl is about 10 months and I've "dated" quite a number of girls. My friends think I'm too picky and that I've not "found the one" yet and I find that terribly annoying. I like to argue that just because my relationships doesn't last that long, doesn't mean I didn't love them or loved them any less.

Aiya, you're still too young to know what LOVE really is. You still haven't been IN LOVE yet. - Some of my friends

Believing them, I try to observe their relationships. To my dismay, many of them seem very shallow and superficial to me. If this is what it means to be "in love", keep me out!

Concept of Expectations

My conclusion, whether wrong or not, is that there is a difference between the level of love and expectation of IN LOVE.

After much observation and much thinking. Despite my relationships lasting only a short while, it does not dilute the feelings I have had for each of my partners. So, my only conclusion is that - Yes, those friends of mine were truly in love, but perhaps, my level of love exceeded theirs or was equivalent to theirs but definitely not beneath. This is because being "IN LOVE" is an expectation. And my expectation is a lot higher than others.

Translate This to Other Emotions

Taking this concept and applying them elsewhere. I've been blessed in so many ways with my life and upbringing. But because of that, I feel that I've been conceited and spoilt with positive emotions that I come to expect too much.

But it is because of this, that I have come to lack any emotions. While the simplest thing would make most people happy, I expect more and because of that am not in a state of happiness.

You can think of those thresholds as a STATE OF BEING as I mentioned in my posts a long time ago. While I feel as much happiness as the next person, I am not in a STATE OF HAPPINESS which is managed by my expectations while others may be.

That being said, it works the other way as well. Which in a way is a good thing - sort of. When I encounter a situation that may make anyone sad, I will be just as sad as the next person. But because of my higher expectation, I will not go into this STATE OF SADNESS as easily as others might.

To give you an idea of what might go into my head in this situation. Imagine you are driving down a road, and your car was hit by a car. While some may think - "!)@$&@($!($!&08247, MY CAR @#!@U$!@($!#@!#!@)*#. !@$U!)#(!@#!@#" but I would think "Oh that sucks. Thank goodness no one was injured. I'm fortunate I have insurance, so it's no big deal". Because of that, I manage to control my sadness or anger or negative emotions.

In general, I feel that I have no right to be angry or upset. I have a roof over my head, I have a college education, I have a job, I have 3 meals a day. I believe that I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE UPSET OR ANGRY. This is because I am so much more fortunate from the majority of the world already.

Conclusion

It's all about EXPECTATIONS!

Managing your emotions isn't so much about managing your level of emotions. A happy situation will make you just as happy as the next person. BUT, whether you get to a STATE OF HAPPINESS depends on your expectations.

Is this an easy fix? Not at all. From High School, I've always been called an emotionless robot, and I still feel the same today. While I appreciate not being feeling sadness or anger that frequently, I am envious of those that feel happiness and passion as well.

I'm still learning to manage my EXPECTATIONS. Hopefully, through this article, you would be more aware of that too.