Sleepy Friday

One of my relatives fell in love with a woman he got to know through whatsapp. First, he tells me secretly that he has going on something. I ask: "Huh? What is going on?" And he smiles and says: "there is a young and beautiful woman." I, suspicious: "Where? What are you talking about?" He shows me his smartphone and a picture of her. A very young female, all made up and black long hair. Not really pretty in my eyes. I already see the greedy and calculating sparkle in her eyes. He smiles: "I am flattered and ask myself what she might want from me, a mid-fifty old man, not the prettiest anymore..?" Me: "Yes, what might she want, indeed?", sighing.

Some weeks later, this evening: Talking to my brother. He tells me: "He spent 900 Euro for that woman. We all knew it coming and warned him." "The money is for the ticket. She is going to visit me here", he had answered. When my brother heard that he laughed out loud. "Well, yeah!" And he tells me that he doesn't feel any pity at all. I am nodding. Me, neither, brother. Both, we are laughing heartfully. It's not laughing out of arrogance or bad feelings for the relative. We know he is going to fall in love again and that he continuously needs another lesson. We've stopped being aroused or aggravated about it. It's useless. After deciding to not being too judgemental it becomes all easier. Not buying into the drama of others.

People running around and expecting their businesses to come out like in the movies. There, the dialogues are precise, you can follow and understand the sentences; all is really nicely said, even the dramatic scenes do have the right illuminations and tones of voices. Nobody fumbles around with the text. Same with science orientation. You think that what you are going to set up will behave within the set and give you the role of the observer. Placing the figures where you want them to start and then going through it step by step. A friendly check mark behind each station. Laboratory conditions, that is. Or playing chess. If I make this move than the other might do that move. People tend to treat real people like figures on a plane.

Real people are ... stubborn.

They resist being moved from here to there. And they carry something named "common sense". Though all do have it it's often not used wisely. Because, after all, it must be like in the movies. When you are having too many scenes burned into your memories you don't know it but one day you walk around and expect people to talk scripts. Some parents marry their scenes with guilt when it comes to relationships towards their children. A real heavy mixture; I can tell from own expertise.

Though the scripts are there, the skill to really act and talk fluently like the heroes & heroines from the screen doesn't form itself. Even with a Souffleur who tells a question from the edge of the stage, a crystal clear answer doesn't come up. Too much stage fright. No courage to be honest. ... But honesty can be so refreshing!

My younger self liked it a lot to give the princess the main act. During my pregnancy I was all complaining and mourning - one day my gynecologist said to me: "Listen. Accept being pregnant." That was it. No more explanations. I stormed out of the building and inwardly shook my fists against him. He aimed and shot precisely where it should go.

Thanks, Doc. You did a good job.

Still, it didn't prevent me from having my drama.
I had more of it as I had wished for, that much is clear. Not all of it was growing from my own stupidity. I also give credit to the other fellas who have movies as an orientation option in their minds.

The princess I is even not very unique. As the story with the frog goes, the expectation is a prince in the end. Who will speak his text perfectly - and no surprise, please!
... I mean, some of the times the princess should get her cake. But not all of the times. Interestingly, that is a seriously followed goal of the princess. All and above all it must be. Then it becomes a nuisance. Mostly for herself.

To treat a princess well one has to have the skill to shrug shoulders. It's immensely helpful to shrug them and also to put a smile on the face, telling the self: Alright. Princess asks for another favor. After her being a.) furious or b.) full of tears because of having received a "No". She has an evil sister: Manipula. The chess player. Manipula can't stand "No's" in the same way the princess cannot stand them. When the two act together, you must run. And don't look back until they get bored. Then you can come back and act as if nothing had happened. But be aware, the next move is about to come.

But be even more aware, when they are you.

When my mother was confronted with suffering children she was full of sympathy. With six of them, she was quite often on duty. That was her pitying part.

Miss Pitty stroked you verbally and called out:

"Oh, my poor dearest Little. You've got a hard time. That's too bad. Come, here, it's not fair that the world is playing evil on you. ... Yes, yes, I know ... she is a rotten thing, that she is. And she is lazy and selfish, that is for sure. Now, you go and rest, you deserve it." You couldn't get a good reflection with my mom. It was nice being treated that way as a little child. Thank you for that, mom.

Another day, a stranger on facebook told me "You know what? I suppose you like to hear yourself talk." There, the little girl felt immediately ashamed. But the smiling me, later on, asked with shining eyes: "Now, that is a good crime, isn't it? To like listening to yourself! Well done, stranger, you did me a favor and freed me from my shame!" Taking the lesson and be more awake to not exaggerate it, though and that'll do it.

In fact, I like my voice. I formed, worked on it, carved and stroked it, to it become more fluent, not using any "ah's" and "uhm's" when talking to people. Had a little training on that, too but mostly practiced through loud reading to my son and frequently recording letters, lectures, and texts. Listening to myself actually showed me a whole lot of the theatre playing me. It was fascinating being my own jury and catching me on inauthenticity and false attitudes. What a good learning I gave to myself. Thanks, Erika.

... It's a worthwhile experiment I would like to recommend to everyone. Make several recordings through the months and listen to them using breaks in between. You will notice something! You can lie within your diary, you can lie with a written text but you hardly can ignore your own voice. It immediately will tell you the truth about yourself. ... Once you found that out, you might get shy talking to people, in particular on the phone, where no facial expression and gesture can distract you. ... Of course, if you really want that, you could also lie with your voice in perfecting your act. But it's not worth it, I would say. Luckily (!) most people aren't able to do that and don't put an effort in there. Phew ... So you can tell when you question next time your senses from hearing lame answers of another one when he is fooling him or herself.

Then there is this angry me.

And this has again to do with questions. In particular, with questions not being answered. I am almost sure you observed this fascinating phenomenon. You ask a simple question but the other one answers gibberish. You try again but again no answer but a vague and distracting mishmash of words. Actually, now you should repeat yourself one more time but if you're not awake enough it long has gotten you confused. When this happens, the angry me eventually says: "That's way too wishy-washy! Can you make yourself clear, please?!"

Sometimes the angry me corners people. That is not a very popular thing to do. But I think, some time some one has to pick up that heavy thing and must become hated. The angry me has a back-up: it's the loving kindness. I mean, do you really think, that loving kindness always appears kind? It does not. Blame the film industry. Someone once came up with sugary and soft shots and that was it. From then on loving kindness is not allowed to appear otherwise.

It can come with curiosity.

Today one of my young clients dozed off while I was searching on the screen for something. I guess I talked for a minute or so to her. As she didn't respond, I turned towards her and found her with closed eyes, deeply sleeping. I grinned in amusement because she had told me that she was diagnosed with sleeping sickness (narcolepsy). I actually did not believe that this is a real disease in her but - admittingly a very unusual - way of fighting unwelcomed tasks. I woke her up and when she shook her back into being clear again she told me: "I didn't take my pills. Sorry for that."

I asked her if she only fells asleep during certain occasions and if she sees her diagnose as a kind of being protected from people wanting things from her she is not confirming with. She admitted that she always was awake during particular school lessons and that she fell asleep during the ones she wasn't interested in. I asked her if she believes in the chemical explanations as well. She nodded but was in no way offended by my question and also my assumption that she maybe doesn't need her diagnose as much as she or others might think. Many young people find themselves tired to death. I can recall my school self and later during my education the endless boring hours in the class room. Today I felt that the young women and I made a good connection and that we'll work more effective the next times.

When effectiveness though does not happen, I eventually stop the sessions with them and tell them only to come back when they truly want to go on with working together with me. Funny thing, that the other two ones today were also lame and sleepy. What an energetic Friday :) ... No, it was not me. I actually felt fresh and had some angry leftovers from yesterday who always give me the energy I otherwise might lack also on Friday afternoons.

My brother told me that actually, one can decide on doing little as all things eventually will come out by themselves. I still have to learn that and asked him if he can sell me until then a portion of his calmness. He repeated his recipe: "I must thank D. Once you were together with a psycho you get it. I learned my lesson." I know that does not work for everyone. My brother turned to be that cool guy only in the past six years or so. I think I will one day be even with him. He sais:

"Let them steam off, let them have their drama.

In the end, we will be back together, still loving each other." I smiled. Even the other brother who is more of a steamer called him the other day as the car broke down. When he drove to pick him up he was resting on the pick-up truck holding his face into the sun. I asked, in disbelief: "What? Unbelievable! He wasn't all in rage and with flaming hair because of that stupid damn engine?" "No."

... which reminds me on a stand-up comedy by Bill Cosby. Where he is saying: "When I was a child I always thought that my brothers and my name was "God Damn" and "Jesus Christ".

There are always signs and wonders.

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Photo by Yuvraj Singh on Unsplash
Photo by Ben Hershey on Unsplash